Postpartum irritability and hideousness

[2ManySweets]

Morning

Quick question:

I became a parent 4 weeks ago. Since week 38 of my pregnancy I've been a bad tempered bastard and have a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.

I'm pissed off about having too many visitors when some folk have nobody. I'm getting ratty and irritable about relatives coming over when some folk have none. I feel like I've not got a good word to say about anyone and don't get me started on the health professionals - any more conflicting advice and I think I'll do a Michael Douglas in "Falling Down".

I am also lucky enough to live somewhere wil neighbours who are so attentive tube made gifts for the baby and want to take them round to me. As touched as I honestly am, I'm full of dread at having to have s conversation with people who are essentially strangers but I can't get over how kind everyone's been.

I have quite a sunny disposition as standard and my DP is a calm and lovely man too. I just feel I'm turning into an ugly moany shrew that's forever bloody moaning and picking fault. But it's like a compulsion at the moment and all I want is for everyone to piss off and leave me and my baby be.

I have no the caused by baby (she's taken to sleeping all day and being up all night) and my DP and I rarely fight but I've snapped at him on a few occasions.

I know it's obvious - a new baby turns your life upside down but have any of you just felt like you turned into a big horrible moany faced arse post-partum?

[2ManySweets]

Weird predictive text fail up there

[Topsy34]

I'm a moany mean myrtle for ages after I've given birth. I put a sign on the door saying 'finally! The baby is sleeping, so I'm taking a nap. Please don't disturb'

I find a good long walk everyday, try to eat well and centrum multi vits help a bit, and once you feel physically better a exercise class or swimming helps.

Definitely mention it to your gp when you have your 6 week check.

[2ManySweets]

Thanks topsy. You're bang on re diet and exercise. I had an unexpected and traumatic CS and that means that I can't swim or run until post Easter. I'm shovelling malteasers like they're going out of fashion. Not good x

[GiraffesAndButterflies]

all I want is for everyone to piss off and leave me and my baby be.

This in spades. For the first 2-3 weeks with both my DC, all I wanted was for everyone outside the household to FTFOTTFSOF. And that was frequently accompanied by rage/weepiness when they wouldn't- which DH bore the brunt of every time the front door shut and my 'brave face for visitors' fell off.

I found it really really helped to talk to DH- partly because I was upset and needed to cry on him but also to help alleviate my guilt when I realised I'd snapped at him for nothing.

The other thing that helped a lot was to get the alone time! Postpone your visitors- personally I'm not above a white lie of telling them you're unwell- get your DH to change the bed sheets, put clean pjs on and camp out upstairs with your maltesers and your newborn. Sleep when she sleeps and give yourself some rest from the endless banal visitor conversations.

and do discuss with your hv/gp if you don't feel better soon.

[2ManySweets]

Giraffes thanks for this. I've got no more visitors coming in the week; next ones are on Sat (meaning I'm sure I'll be moaning about being lonely by Tuesday haha).

My baby is turning night into day at the moment (I'll be starting another thread about that, I bet y'all can't wait) and is not helping. But yes, I'll be spending time doing all the things me and my baby want to do, mainly

A) watching Judge Rinder
B) dancing and singing in the living room.

[2ManySweets]

Massively bumping for traffic as I would also like to ask supplementary question: am I completely mugging myself off trying to get a four week old baby into a four hourly feeding routine as we are presently feeling on demand and my body clock is utterly smashed to the point where I can barely function....

[FireflyGirl]

Firstly, congratulations!

Sleep deprivation is a bitch, and is probably a big factor in why you feel like you do. Coupled with recovering from major surgery, and you'll have finished your course of Tramadol...

I agree with pp - clean bedding, clean pjs and you and DD snuggle up in there with the tv and your maltesers! If you don't want visitors, just don't get out of bed and say you fell asleep or get DP to make your excuses tactfully

As to 4 hourly feeding, you don't know unless you try it. However, at 4 weeks, from everything I read, she's probably too young. At that age, it's a need not a want.

Ultimately, you've got to find a way that works for you, and being unable to function due to sleep deprivation isn't going to do either of you any good.

I'm assuming you're breastfeeding - have you thought about expressing a bottle? That way DP can do a feed while you get an extended sleep. There are techniques to bottle feed a breastfed baby which reduce nipple confusion.

[2ManySweets]

I've got her on formula right now due to shredded nips. She's lost her latch and I've been told by the HV to wait a couple of days to get it back. Expressing doesn't give her enough at present; I'm trying to correct my supply over the next week when nips are better.

Both DP and I are taking the night shift. It's so hard when she's crying; I can't sleep and even when she is asleep I'm so scared she's stopped breathing I'm unable to properly sleep deeply...anyway - we are in the midst of trying to change her routine as we speak, so far she's wide awake with no sign of settling!

[Xmasbaby11]

You'll probably be on 3 hourly feeding for a while - I was with both mine - though sometimes longer at night.

[GiraffesAndButterflies]

How's it going 2Many?

[Jessiejane123]

Congratulations firstly!

I don't believe there's anything wrong with you. By the sounds of it your schedule with all of your visitors sounds exhausting. When I had my baby I had this and it got me very down, I felt I had to please others before myself constantly by letting them round to see the baby. The day I left the hospital I had my in laws and sister in law round within half an hour, it got me really down as I just wanted to chill.

You need time alone, and by that I mean a week with noone but you and your little family. No neighbors, friends or relatives. Just you. It is very fustrating. People are kind but they also pant like dogs wanting to get to the baby, it's really irritating!!!

[2ManySweets]

Giarffes thanks for checking in - love mumsnet sometimes! Past couple of days much better. Just me and the baby and getting some well deserved me and her time!

Jessie - holy smoke your pant like dogs comment is so SPOT ON. It's so lovely in a way but in another it's just so "omg please enough already".

I find it incredible now that folk are actually getting a bit snippy that a month has passed and there's been no invite for biscuits and baby cuddles. People I never usually saw from one month to the next.

Nobody tells you what a head melt the aftermath of labour is. Ditto for the hoopla of breastfeeding. Ditto for the constant never ending terror that your baby will come to harm/stop breathing. Or the succession of health visitor appointments, dr appointments, midwife appointments even going to register the birth. All anyone ever talks about is the lack of sleep and that's only one part!

Anyway, I digress. Things much better. I've got lots of time in the week for me and her before the onslaught of (the last) weekend of a carousel of visitors.

Now breathe!

[GiraffesAndButterflies]

Or the succession of health visitor appointments, dr appointments, midwife appointments even going to register the birth. Crazy isn't it? I suspect secretly they all just want baby cuddles too, they all just have much better excuses

It gets a bit more sane now though, just a couple of gp checks & baby's first jabs in the second month (assuming it's the same routine throughout the uk). Get ready to laugh hollowly when you get asked about contraception.

at people getting snippy with you. What's their hurry, the baby's not going anywhere. Suggest you get snippy right back! advice I would never manage to follow myself

Glad you are getting more alone time though. Hope your anxiety about baby's wellbeing eases up soon, that's a horrible feeling. They are surprisingly robust little creatures though, try not to worry too much

[Cinnamon2013]

i hear you. 4 weeks with my second. Glad to hear you're now holed up with maltesers and baby. Your birth and breastfeeding experience sound tough and you need space to rebuild strength. Is a 4-hourly schedule even possible at this age? I would have constant screaming here. My LO feeds hourly in the evening, every 90 mins/2 hours at night (say 3/4 hours in day), my last was the same. WHO say feed on demand, for what it's worth. It does sort itself out when they are less tiny. I don't say this to add to the unhelpful conflicting advice! But don't want you settling yourself up for something that's going to be v tricky to achieve.