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If your DS has been invited over 30 parties over the past year do u return all the invitations?

(15 Posts)
pastagirl Thu 03-Mar-16 14:49:36

I am finding party etiquette a night mare. I don't want DS to expect a huge party every year , we can't afford it and the numbers just keep getting bigger every year. DS is a sweetheart very easy going and so gets invited to a lot of parties from school and different clubs, which is nice right?. But Even if I wanted to return invites not sure we could find a venue that would take them all( even if we could afford it)
DS would be (reluctantly) ok about if I said smaller party this year but I hate the idea of any kids feeling left out of a party or feeling like a kid they thought was a friend did not invite them to his party. So the problem is mostly mine. It is DS 8th party. My question to you all that have trod before me is, do party's become smaller eventually?and should I just worry less about the other kids and just do what we can and let things fall where they may. Does anyone else spend a disproportionate about of time worrying about stuff like this???

DelphiniumBlue Thu 03-Mar-16 15:00:24

I used to worry a lot about this sort of thing, only reason I don't any more is because DC are mostly grown up now.
We rented a hall a few times, when we needed to have a big party for the reasons you mention - church hall, scout hut, school hall, local sports club hall, then laid on bog standard party food, and planned big games. British bulldog ( though that can get a bit rough) assault courses, relay races, that sort of thing. The only real cost was the hall, everything else was cheap or free. And we didn't have to clean the house afterwards.
You can't have 30 kids in the house unless you live in a mansion.
We've also done a big party in the park/ heath/ field whatever is suitable near you. You'd need adult support for that to make sure no- one gets lost, but its still a lot better than having even 10 children in your house, even if it rains!

DelphiniumBlue Thu 03-Mar-16 15:02:51

Posted too soon.
The alternative to having all these children is doing a special birthday outing with 1 or 2 best friends, any more than that and people will wonder why their child wasn't included.

feetheart Thu 03-Mar-16 15:11:10

We said ours could have a big party at 5 and 10 and then maybe at 18.

Both had a party at 5 but neither wanted one at 10 (now 10 and 13) so I think we have got away with it. We have done lots of other things at different times - friends for tea, small sleepover (no more than 2 or 3), theatre as a family, meal out, etc. but I refused to be drawn in to the party nightmare. DC don't seem bothered or damaged and deprived grin

Yohoodlum Thu 03-Mar-16 15:36:19

You don't have to return the invites. We did some big parties and my DC didn't get return invites from all the guests. No one minded at all - we didn't expect it.

pastagirl Thu 03-Mar-16 15:43:35

Thanks guys. Delirium ( great name!) We have done that with the hall too last year had list of 35 but dropped to very reasonable 22 due to a fortunately timed beaver sleepover grin . I have never been brAve enough to to the games myself and got a party person in. Might just have to give it a shot this year. I am off to Google British bulldog...
Feetheart I had originally planned something similar but the party's seem to be really important part of DS's social group ( although they are not fussed with the fancyness of it but it seems important to have one with a proper invite and cake with icing!!) I am hoping that we can do the one/ two special friends next year ( and they must grow out of these type of parties at some point)

pastagirl Thu 03-Mar-16 15:44:33

Delphinium!! Spell check sorry.

JasperDamerel Thu 03-Mar-16 15:47:45

We've never had big parties. DCs have been able to invite as many friends as their new age plus one. When DD turned 9, she just wanted a couple of friends for a sleepover.

lljkk Thu 03-Mar-16 15:49:56

DC only get a party maximum once every other yr, & if they opt to have no party they get a cash payment instead (because I don't enjoy parties so trying to incentivise).

starry0ne Thu 03-Mar-16 15:53:54

No... Do what you want....

Some have bigger some have smaller...

Tell your DC they can invite so many children and get them to come up with a list...Guessing your child in reception/ year 1...These parties shrink quite quickly.. except the odd one or two..

pastagirl Thu 03-Mar-16 15:57:26

Yoohoodlum, I have felt the same and DS is pretty robust if he has not been invited to something so that is fine. I have just seen them talking about parties in their little clusters after school and my heart just breaks a bit at the sight of the kid who did not get a invite trying too look cool that he did not know this invite was out and was ok about not getting one.... I would feel horrible to be responsible for that is always the kid u suspect is least able to take the rejection. Think I might just decide a upper number and trust DS to know who should be coming.....

pastagirl Thu 03-Mar-16 16:01:33

Lljkk I did the same said big present or party and has always chosen party based on it is then 20 or more presents and being 8 still loves plastic tat.
Ps my DH thinks I am being unbearably wet about this !!!

KyloRenNeedsTherapy Thu 03-Mar-16 16:05:01

We always said big parties stopped after KS1. DS1 in Y3 now and is having 3 friends and a special treat - I'm delighted!

pastagirl Thu 03-Mar-16 16:06:54

Think it might be where we live, the big party thing. It seems like we are just waiting for someone to buck the trend and have a little celebrated ( or maybe that is just me) I tried this year but DS had said he had already told so and so and so and so that they were coming to his....... need to forward plan earlier next year

Alanna1 Sat 05-Mar-16 22:00:57

There ARE cheaper venues. I've been to many parties in the park with a note that if the weather is terrible, there is either no plan B or a note saying it'll be in cafe x if so. Community halls are often quite cheap to hire too.

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