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Feel overwhelmed with guilt this morning

(16 Posts)
bramblina Thu 03-Mar-16 09:53:28

I can't stop crying. Just droppped dc3 at nursery and drove home in floods of tears. None of the dcs wanted to dress up for world book day. Well, dc2 did as a disney character to which i just replied but isn't that more a film than a book, then she changed her mind. Now I see about 90% of kids at school dressed up and feel bloody awful that mine didn't want to. Dc1 never would, but dc2 (dd) would sometimes.
I've been unwell for 2 weeks, sinusitis which is now spreading to my jaw, I have really felt rotten and dh is away m-f so I'm pretty bloody knackered so that's not helping but I am quite overwhelmed thismorning. Feeling so guilty that I got snappy last night too, because I'm tired. Don't have ebough time for any of the dcs because there are 3 of them.

Just so bloody sad

lljkk Thu 03-Mar-16 10:36:19

It's your illness getting you down, which sounds awful, really. Dressing up or not is not a big deal in great scheme of things, and will be forgotten by the time they are home. They won't be traumatised, it's good that they know their own minds rather than needing to follow the crowd, & none of it makes you a bad parent. Hang in there x.

deepdarkwood Thu 03-Mar-16 10:42:50

Some kids love dressing up, some hate it - honestly, if your dc don't enjoy it, that's just them! There are lots of children in books who wear school uniform/normal clothes, so just say they are dressed up as one of those ;-)

Fwiw, I am a big fan of lazy costumes - so I rarely ever buy/make much new - just repurpose things (ds once wore the same green cloak for three WBDs - although he was officially different characters each time, the costume didn't change much!!)

Have a cuppa and a rest and hope you're feeling better soon.

OnTheSpotNewUsername Thu 03-Mar-16 10:53:39

Another voce chiming in here to say be gentle to yourself.

Hope you feel better soon.

ScarlettDarling Thu 03-Mar-16 10:59:36

You poor love, you sound so down flowers

Stop feeling guilty. Your dc chose not to dress up! You didn't stop them dressing up, you have nothing to feel bad about.

Be kind to yourself. Do something nice for your dc (and yourself) tonight...perhaps tell them you're all having a pyjama party or something? Close the curtains, put pjs on, put a movie on, eat pizza infront of the TV for dinner and then cake or sweeties. It will help you all to feel better.

peggywiththewoodenleggy Thu 03-Mar-16 11:02:55

You didn't say they couldn't dress up.

Us parents put to much guilt on ourselves way to often. I felt very much the same last year when d's wouldn't wear a costume that I had brought him. Why it was his choice?.

flowers hope you feel better soon.

YesAnastasia Thu 03-Mar-16 11:08:03

Oh please don't feel bad, it's been a stressful day one way or another for lots of mums & children today.

I had to promise myself that I would let them make the decisions this morning (because I can be guilty of over egging the pudding for the sake of the aesthetic) We had one change his mind completely at the last minute but I said 'fine' and one who didn't realise that being Harry Potter would essentially mean going to school in his uniform with a cape over the top (and a scar on his forehead) he wears glasses any. No one was happy but I did what I could & so did you.

If they're disappointed now, they can get involved next year. If they're not bothered then why are you? 'Fun' isn't always for everyone smile

bramblina Thu 03-Mar-16 11:29:22

Thank you all. You made me cry again. It can be so hard sometimes esp when dh is away. The dcs are 3 7 & 10 and I find the spread hard, also being on the go all day andthen I have to begin to do my things, (self employed) plus housework once they are all in bed and that can be near 9.30pm now as dc2 grows up. My head hurts. it has hurt for days and days, and although the sinusitis is moving it still hurts. I don't see the end.

It can be hard to understand and accept that my dcs are happy with not being one of the crowd but then again I like to just be me. But kids like to dress up, don't they? I would rather they are themselves. But I have worried all morning that dd (7) has changed her mind once seeing everyone else dressed up.

Guilt, that bloody guilt. sad

Thank you all for being so lovely when I needed it.

YesAnastasia Thu 03-Mar-16 11:43:31

Guilt, that bloody guilt

Yep. It's there all the time isn't it.

My DC are on the spectrum so they're never going to find 'fitting in' easy - I just have to make sure they know they don't have to. At the moment they don't care that they're different, long may that continue. But, still there's the guilt haha.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief Thu 03-Mar-16 11:54:43

You've got nothing to feel guilty for!
Your kids made their decisions and you allowed them to go with it.
It really doesn't matter that they didn't dress up.

I have kids the same age as you so I know how hard it is to deal with them individually when you're mostly on your own (I'm not on my own but dh works long hrs and most weeks will hardly see them)
I've also been ill lately and it's hard enough without having to work so sympathies and flowers and brew for you.
If you can, utilise your older dcs to help out with some chores. I find mine enjoy being helpful.

cornishglos Thu 03-Mar-16 12:15:25

You're tired. Sleep! The costumes really don't matter flowers

deepdarkwood Thu 03-Mar-16 12:18:29

Look at it the other way up - your dc are independent minded enough not to be too bothered by going along with the crowd (who have just taken an Elsa/Spiderman costume out of the dress up draw, after all...) - what an amazing gift you've given them with that!

And as others have said, if for some reason dd does change her mind, just do something else tonight as your own WBD celebrations - pjs and special story time is easy, restful and ticks all the boxes.

deepdarkwood Thu 03-Mar-16 12:19:27

And no- not all kids like to dress up. There have been kids in dcs classes every year who refuse point blank. Dressing up is not a key life skill ;-)

ButEmilylovedhim Thu 03-Mar-16 12:33:58

Ah, you poor thing. I'm worried about your sinusitis. Have you been to your GP? You possibly need antibiotics. Please get some help. Sinusitis can be nasty if it's left.

About the dressing up. My DS who is now 15 never dressed up as a child and is still adamant that it's a daft thing to do. He's not looking back wishing he'd done it. He's still ploughing his own furrow now! In a good way smile

I know it's probably quite difficult to get to the doctor but it's necessary.
Take care of yourself as after all, it sounds like you're the one holding everything together. Looking after you is looking after them IYSWIM even if you're not particularly bothered about yourself. I have to tell myself that. flowers and cake and brew for you.

bramblina Thu 03-Mar-16 22:31:27

You're all such a lovely lot. So nice to know, thank you.

Deepdarkwood- not a life skill to dress up, you made me smile!!! I think I'll keep pushing with the swimming lessons though- slightly more useful wink

ButEmily- you're very thoughtful. I finally saw the dr on Monday, I've had serious congestion for 2 weeks now (not exactly what I would call a cold) and it just got worse over the weekend, once it had developed in to sinusitis. She didn't want to give me anti-bs which I am OK with, but I got some pseudoephedrine which I think has broken the back of it this afternoon (Possibly this morning was the crux) however it's really taking it's time so I will consider this. It has moved down in to my jaw now, hopefully it will continue to move out.

I think I was mostly worried I had not encouraged dd (dc2) and was really concerned she would have wished she had actually dressed up, as about 99% of the others had done so. She was perfectly happy when she came home, they both were. Not in the slightest bit botheres. Dd says she will do it next year, I will make a conscious effort to help her look fab, if she wants. I must admit I feel rather uncomfortable at the thought of fancy dress and adult's Hallowe'en....they must know it.

Tonight we had a new dinner, clean plates all round, read books and made pom poms. Hedgehog pom poms, very sweet. And tomorrow is the weekend, and dh will be home. All will be well.

Thank you all once again smilestar

albertcampionscat Sun 06-Mar-16 16:15:24

Looked at the other way, your three are happy confident little people who don't feel they have to do something just because everyone else is. Sounds ok to me.

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