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Talk to me about a 2yr age gap please!

(21 Posts)
WelliesTheyAreWonderful Thu 03-Mar-16 00:21:28

Me and DSis have a big age gap (5 years), it worked about fabulously and I'd always imagined I'd take time between DCs (both DH and I want 2), waiting until DS was in nursery (aged 3) to make things easier. However we're getting on in life and DH has just suggested we start trying again this year shock

When DS was born (and sometimes still tbh) I just kept thinking 'how the heck do people manage this with other kids/while pregnant'?! If we got pregnant as soon as he's suggesting we start trying (a fair chance as we did last time) DS would be 2.2. I know this is far from unusual but I'm scared! Please give me your experiences, good and bad and some advice!

WelliesTheyAreWonderful Thu 03-Mar-16 00:23:31

Sorry - to clarify, DS would be 2.2 when DC2 likely to be born, not when he's planning to start trying.

Fanjango Thu 03-Mar-16 00:26:19

I have twins 22 months older than their younger sister. You find ways to make it work. It seems scary, heaven knows it was for me, but organisation is the key. If well organised...even three under two isn't so bad, and they can have a friendship that children with a larger age gap just won't have. There is no such thing as the perfect gap..just go with how you feel. It's not so hard, honest

TheyreMadITellYouMaaaad Thu 03-Mar-16 00:32:37

I have 2y gap and a 4y gap. I found the 2y gap much easier to manage than the 4y gap, and not just because I had 2 dc rather than 3.

With a 2y gap they are both still relatively babies, still in nappies, still napping in the day. Yes, it's tiring, but you can take them both to the same activities and there's not necessarily anywhere you have to be exactly on time to, so you can take your time.

With a 4y gap there's a huge difference between the dc. The same activities won't do for both, jealousy is worse, and the elder still needs lots of supervision. Plus, with one not napping, you get no down-time yourself. On top of that you've got school - can't be late!

WelliesTheyAreWonderful Thu 03-Mar-16 00:48:47

Forgot to add, DCs would have to share a bedroom. Does this make it a nightmare?

cornishglos Thu 03-Mar-16 05:09:32

We have 21 months and youngest is 4 months. It's magic! Older one 'reads' to baby, wants to share baths, very protective, says she's his best friend. They are boh in nappies, but you don't change 2yo's nappies that often so it's ok. He does want to toilet train now and I wish I could give that a bit more attention.
You spend a lot of the day running up.and down the stairs.
I get dh to get bigger one breakfast in the mornings before work, then stick him in front of the tv while I sort baby. We're out by 9.30 each day. Toddler naps on the way home over lunchtime. So does baby. Bliss!

cornishglos Thu 03-Mar-16 05:14:09

Childcare will be expensive when I go back to work but on the plus side I get to spend another whole year with my 1st baby mow while he's still little.

MrsJamin Thu 03-Mar-16 06:12:21

I've got two boys 2.2 years apart, now 6&8. The first year was really hard, I can't lie. However after that it suddenly got a lot easier when ds1 got preschool sessions. Now they are a proper duo, spend time playing together and make each there giggle. Doing stuff that suits both is really easy compared to a larger age gap. They shared a room until last year which was absolutely fine.

Artandco Thu 03-Mar-16 09:18:24

We have a 15 month gap. It's great. If I could have I would have had even smaller gap now looking back. They sleep in same bed, share same hobbies, and are best friends

Inkymess Thu 03-Mar-16 17:48:50

Just under 2 years here. My two DC are inseparable and it's ace being able to all do stuff together as we don't have eg. A 10 yr old and a 5yr old to try and keep happy

loosechange Thu 03-Mar-16 17:52:25

2 year age gap doable. First three months with a newborn always hard wahtever. I would go for it.

On the flip I am about to have a 5 year age gap after having had two year age gaps, and am worrying it is too big!

Annarose2014 Thu 03-Mar-16 17:53:47

I'm Placemarking as I'll have 22 months between them when this one is born.

I've booked DS into nursery a couple of months ahead and hopefully that'll take the pressure off.

BiologicalCrayon Thu 03-Mar-16 18:00:04

The hardest thing I found about the two year gap is that your 2yo is still a baby in many ways, still dependent on you to, say, put on their shoes, get them to sleep if they still have a nap etc.

But I think with any gap there's going to be a period of adjustment logistic-wise, fitting two routines into one.

I did find I got more viruses in my second pregnancy, due to being around a toddler probably, it's hard and you don't get to rest, when they're under 2 they don't understand really.

Most importantly, you're the one who's going to be pregnant, and by the sounds of it doing the childcare, so DH should be deferring to you as to when to start trying. It's not up to him.

SweetAdeline Thu 03-Mar-16 18:04:55

I have a 23month gap between mine and it's great.

But... despite conceiving dc1 and dc2 both on the second month of trying, I've now been trying for a year and a half to conceive (and not miscarry) dc3. So don't assume it'll definitely happen quickly.

HelenaJustina Thu 03-Mar-16 18:06:06

Age gaps of 23 months, 20 months and 24 months here. It's an age ago which works for us.
Agree with pp about napping together, golden hour if you can get it to work. Jealousy issues non-existent, so quickly they don't remember what life was like before baby arrives. We always called the new baby 'toddler's baby' giving possession helped a lot.
Bf them all, actually easier when out and about at groups, preschool runs etc.
Nearly three years on from our last and we wouldn't consider another now as the gap would be too big! They play together amazingly and have each other's backs...

MiaowTheCat Thu 03-Mar-16 19:25:41

I have an 11 month age gap and they are incredibly close and adore each other - they bicker like mad but that's expected really!

You just get on with whatever life ends up throwing your way (we had fertility problems with DD1 - so decided we'd see what happened with DD2) so I wouldn't overthink age gaps at all really.

TheyreMadITellYouMaaaad Thu 03-Mar-16 20:13:39

Mine, boy and girl, shared a bedroom from when dc2 moved out of our room at 12m, until she was 6.

marjolaine Thu 03-Mar-16 20:47:57

Hmm, voice of dissent here perhaps but I have a 2.5 year gap between DC1 and DC2 and hate it. DC1 was a bit immature and needy and I struggled meeting both their needs that first year. Never napped at the same time so I never got a break. (Looking back it all probably lead to PND.) Now the younger is old enough to want to do all the things the older one does but not big/strong/tall/etc enough to do it. Lots of arguments about little one breaking/messing up DC1's stuff or being annoying etc. For ages when I took them to the park DC1 was too big for the baby/toddler section but DC2 was way too small for the big kids side. Mostly DC1 doesn't like DC2 and DC2 spends his entire life trying to keep up (and mostly failing -- eg lots of tears when he's been left behind while running). Was speaking to two other mums with the same age gap and they both agreed they have the same issues. I'd go for under 2 years tbh (I've heard ~18m gap is good).

Artandco Thu 03-Mar-16 21:05:09

Marj - our 15 month gap worked well. Both always napped at the same time until eldest started school. Same bed, bath, food. Both always pretty much in same age group.

WelliesTheyAreWonderful Thu 03-Mar-16 23:01:14

Thank you so much, you guys are talking me into it! Lots of positives I'd never thought about and you're right, it'll be hard whatever the age gap.

Marj it's interesting you suggest under 2 years, I wouldn't rule that out after hearing everyone's stories.

Loose our 5 year age gap is great, it meant DM got to spend lots of 1:1 time with both of us when we were small, DSis was of an age she was able to help in little ways and understand having to wait until a crying babyy is settled. We weren't so close as little kids but really close after I was about 12. There was next to no jealousy as we were at completely different stages and always wanted different things (until we got a Sega grin ).

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Thu 03-Mar-16 23:10:59

23 month gap here, now aged 10 and 12 and it's worked really well for us. Having a second mat. leave when DC1 was two was just brilliant, we had such good fun. They have spent a lot of time in the same school stage which makes life a lot easier, they like doing the same sorts of hobbies, holidays TV programmes, films etc. Two years seems by far the most popular age gap amongst their school friends too. Not looking forward to simultaneous GCSEs and A levels though.

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