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Parental social anxiety affecting children's lives?

(12 Posts)
Madnessmouse Tue 01-Mar-16 23:04:09

Dd will be 2 soon and won't have a party as I haven't made enough mummy friends to invite, despite being a sahm and attending toddler groups most weekdays. sad
My DH had a 2nd bday party - it's all on video and I think he wanted Dd to have what he had.
Will things get better? Dd is such a confident, outgoing little thing, I don't want her to turn into me!

purpleme12 Wed 02-Mar-16 09:54:41

I don't have social anxiety and I haven't made any mum friends! This has upset me to be honest cos I feel like I've tried but I feel like people aren't bothered. But anyway surely it's when they're at school they'll start to make friends themselves so they can say they want a party themselves..

Gisla Wed 02-Mar-16 10:06:13

What's wrong with parties with family?

Parties are overrated. They result in tearful, overwhelmed, overtired, overexcited children and the longer than can be avoided the better IMO.

gandalf456 Wed 02-Mar-16 10:15:45

They are still very young and we only had parties with family at this age which are actually much easier. They don't tend to have the parties ti probably about 4 or 5. Sometimes it's easier to keep your kids'friends and your friends separate. I think children complicate mum friend relationships

misstweedyweedy Wed 02-Mar-16 10:16:35

I worry about the same, though ds is only a baby. I don't want him standing on the edge of a group not knowing how to get in and be part of it, but I don't know how to do that myself.

Regarding a 2nd birthday, do you have relatives, nieces / nephews you could invite? Presumably only need a couple of children. I remember my nephew's 2nd party, the kids just seemed to steal each other's toys and get upset with each other. It was quite stressful as an adult onlooker smile.

sallykins123 Wed 02-Mar-16 14:58:16

Not sure how to make you better, but wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I have this worry already and my daughters first birthday is in 5 months.

I used to think people bragged about having lots of mummy friends, but I go to baby group and it genuinely seems like most people, not everyone, have a couple of mummy friends! Ive made friends with some people from baby group, but that took time and I would definitely describe myself as having social anxiety to some extent because I find it hard to start conversations with strangers! They just end up blahhh, but once I know you it's fine.

Anyway I potentially have 2 mummy friends and their children to invite to DD party, but I'm worried that they'll turn up and be like where's your other mumy mates! As they've got lots! I totally get why you're worried but the way I'm looking at it is that st least family will be there and that's the most important thing!

Only1scoop Wed 02-Mar-16 15:12:24

We did a family party at 2.

At 3 did a party with friends from nursery. Barely knew any of the parents the odd one to say hi to had it at a little farm. She loved it.

She's 5 now I've barely got any mum friends she's shill having a party though.

MrsOlaf78 Wed 02-Mar-16 20:32:36

Please don't worry. At two, she doesn't need a great big party, just give her some balloons, a cake and one or two family members she knows and she'll be happy - she won't need anything else. In the years to come once she starts pre-school and school, you just do the standard thing of inviting the children in her year or class, those that usually attend parties will come and she'll have a great time. It won't matter one jot how many mums you know honestly.

I am painfully shy and was a sahm and I too found the set-up at toddler groups rather hard. There weren't many mums for starters, there were a lot more grandparents and childminders. Most of the time the mums came one week and not the next and when they were there they tended to ignore me and/or just talked to the mums they already knew. I managed to do a bit of small talk but nothing ever went any further - I certainly never made any lasting friendships because no-one was really interested. Now my dd is at pre-school I've forced myself to join the committee and I've got to know a few parents that way. It's a slow process but I'm getting there and I just try and be friendly and smiley even on days when I really can't think of much to say and I am kind to myself and give myself a pat on the back for every little bit of progress I make. I've even started getting invited to things now, which I never dreamed would happen!

Your dd will be fine. The real issue here is your self esteem and the way you feel about your social abilities. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Making friends as an adult is very challenging especially when you lack confidence. Don't ever think you're letting her down. You sound very much like a mum who loves her dd and does her best every day and your daughter will be very lucky and very lovely if she turns out like her mum.

Madnessmouse Wed 02-Mar-16 20:40:42

Aww thanks everyone for your lovely replies. They have made me feel so much better. I think I had built up the 2nd birthday party as a milestone I would fail at.

We were going to do a family party for the 1st birthday, but left Mil in charge of organising and she left invites until the last minute and noone could make it! Maybe we should try again this year.

Dd will be starting at nursery soon so hopefully that will provide us with a set of invitees for the 3rd birthday!

MrsOlaf78 Wed 02-Mar-16 20:58:01

It certainly will!! Things do change such a lot by the time they're three or four. We had a very small family gathering for dd when she was two and her fourth birthday party was at a soft play with nearly twenty preschool children! I miss the nice quiet gathering!! grin To be honest she was just as happy the day after her big party when she just went for a simple pizza lunch with mummy and daddy. Most of her peers still don't bother having birthday parties yet.

So plesse don't put too much pressure on yourselves over these things - most two year olds would feel tired and overwhelmed with lots of people descending on them so it's really not necessary. Trust me there are plenty of years ahead of potential party planning - enjoy the early years when it's nice and simple and you really don't have to do too much at all to make her happy on her birthday!! Have a lovely day whatever you do xx

Only1scoop Wed 02-Mar-16 21:10:15

Yes Op it will....We asked for a list of friends for 3rd birthday from nursery to invite and had quite a good turn out.

It gets easier once they're there thanks

waterrat Thu 03-Mar-16 11:37:27

OP my son started pre school in september and we have had invites to parties from mums I barely know - and I'm really pleased about that. Im pretty sociable and outgoing but even I have never made a friend through a baby group!

just get on with your own life and enjoy it and your child will make their own friends once they get into nursery/ school.

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