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Childminder let son go with his dad, not happy

(18 Posts)
Jade7392 Tue 01-Mar-16 10:35:39

I have a child minder 3 days of the week whilst I work part time, today I had a day off but decided to let him go as I would have to pay for it regardless

My sons dad lives in London and I live in Bournemouth so quite a distance, today he was coming down to visit family and was going to pick our son up at 4 from my house and go to the park and for some dinner.

I wasn't checking my phone as was cleaning the house but when I did had about 3 missed calls from him. I then checked my texts and there was one from the childminder saying "Austins dad has shown up planning on taking him to the park and for some lunch, I've let him go early and he says he will be dropping him off around tea time"

When I dropped our son off he was a bit tearful and said "don't worry you're going out with daddy later" so she did know he was seeing his dad. My point is she has never met his dad, she is clueless to what he looks like and I never ever gave her the go ahead for anyone else to collect him aside from my mum and me.

Am I over reacting? I'm really angry about this and I now feel my trust has been stamped over even though no harm has been done as I have called his dad and he is fine. But my point is it could have been a stranger as she has never met this man!

Gillian1980 Tue 01-Mar-16 10:43:15

I'd be really annoyed by this.

DD is just about to start nursery and we had to fill in a form which detailed any legal custody arrangements and under what circumstances she could be collected by whom.

I realise that childminders may not have such forms but they should still have these discussions and be vigilant.

Frazzled2207 Tue 01-Mar-16 10:54:01

Hopefully all's well but that's not on.
She shouldn't have let him go unless she had the ok from you though I suppose your son would have made it clear if he was happy to go with his dad or not.
My son goes to a nursery and is very struct about not letting kids go with anyone unfamiliar unless there is prior arrangement, passwords etc.
Assuming all else is ok with the cm though I would tell her you're not happy but carry on using her as long as she is apologetic and you trust her not to do it again.

starry0ne Tue 01-Mar-16 10:59:17

Does Dad have PR? If so he is legally entitled to collect him...Assuming your child is old enough...He would be able to identify his Dad...He clearly has childminders address, knows his Ds..

I have a safeguarding issue with my DS Dad...My Ds is older but School do know they need to contact me to get to school as legally they cannot stop him...They can delay him.

PennyHasNoSurname Tue 01-Mar-16 11:01:19

How old is your son? Old enough to recognise his dad and call him dad?

No she shouldnt have let him go without explicitly checking but she may have heard you saying he would be going with daddy that afternoon and took that to mean dad was collecting.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Tue 01-Mar-16 11:06:34

I'm in a similar position to starry0ne. DS1's school said his father (form for domestic violence, hasn't seen him for 4 years) was legally entitled to collect him. However, social services immediately stamped on that, despite me not having a court order.

I'd be pissed off in your situation OP.

Jade7392 Tue 01-Mar-16 11:08:17

He is 9 months old so not really able to recognise him and say daddy yet. He knows the address because he has dropped me off there around twice to pick him up although she has never seen him on these occasions as he doesn't come in. He doesn't have parental responsibility as he isn't on the birth certificate, he's actually only met him around 10 times.

Frazzled2207 Tue 01-Mar-16 11:10:21

In that case totally unacceptable IMO.

Jade7392 Tue 01-Mar-16 11:10:45

I did fill in a form prior to starting (3 weeks ago) saying that only me or my mum could collect him but I would always inform her if it would be my mum coming and not me. She even wrote down their numbers and relationship to him. She asked about his dad and I said he wouldn't be picking him up ever and she disregarded it.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Tue 01-Mar-16 11:12:14

That is completely unacceptable. I'd be changing childminder.

VimFuego101 Tue 01-Mar-16 11:12:15

If it was a 10 year old and it was obvious that he recognized his dad, that's ok (although the child minder should really ask for ID to cover herself). 9 months old though... That's ridiculous.

MackerelOfFact Tue 01-Mar-16 11:12:22

How did DS's dad know where the childminder lives if they'd never met?!

You weren't answering your phone or texts which obviously put the childminder in a bit of a tricky situation. TBH none of the adults in this situation have acted particularly responsibly.

OurBlanche Tue 01-Mar-16 11:12:57

I think the OPs relationship with the father is a bit of a red herring here. The child minder made a mistake. She let a small child go off with someone she did not know.

That is an error she needs to correct.

Jade tell her how angry it made you feel and why. Underline that you have no problem with his dad picking him up, but that her behaviour was irresponsible, ignores all safeguarding guidelines.

Tell your ex the same. That he really should not have been able to just take his son, the CM should have said no as she did not know him. Again, emphasise that you aren't angry that he spent time with his son just dismayed that the CM didn't think!

Teladi Tue 01-Mar-16 11:13:06

Agree it's unacceptable.

MackerelOfFact Tue 01-Mar-16 11:14:02

Oh ok, cross-posted.

In that case, really not acceptable (but really, try and put your phone on loud if your DS is with the CM and you're not at work!)

meatliqour Tue 01-Mar-16 11:16:05

Not on the BC ... No PR.

IMHO - unacceptable

starry0ne Tue 01-Mar-16 11:56:17

As he doesn't have PR..only 9 months completely unacceptable... There is also an issue you weren't contactable..

NNalreadyinuse Tue 01-Mar-16 12:00:29

Totally unacceptable. If she is that slack with basic safeguarding, I'd be wondering about her judgement generally. Especially given that you specifically said that only you and your mum would collect. I'd be looking for a new child minder.

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