How to help my stepson(3 Posts)
hi, I'm new to this.
I have been in a relationship with my fiance for 3 years now and we are very happy. He has a child from a previous relationship, and he has been fighting to have contact with him for 4 years now.
My fiance fell seriously ill when his son was 9 months old, he was admitted in to hospital for 3 months and released just before christmas 2011. During my fiances stay in hospital his gf put there son in the care of her sister claiming she couldn't cope on her own. She didn't tell my fiance she was doing this just gave him to her sister.
After 3 days of the sister having the wee one she went behind everyones back to sw to tell them that her sister had given up on her child and she now had him and what should she do? SW helped her slowly get all the legal help to take her sister and my fiance to court for full residence order.
When my fiance came out of hospital he asked to get his son, to which he was told by his gfs sister no, you need to ask sw. He asked sw and they said no, you will need to go to court.
Through sw meetings my fiance was given 2 hours a week contact with his son. The mum wasn't interested in contact, she had split from my fiance by this time and was more interested in partying.
After a few months my fiance gained more contact with his son and eventually got one overnight a week, then 2 overnights a week, mainly at weekends. This continued for 1 1/2 years.
I met my fiance when the wee one had just turned 2. The first year we were together his mum saw him 5-6 times, she wasn't interested, just wanted to party and meet more bfs.
When she realised that we were in a happy relationship and she wasn't getting my fiance back, she told sw she wanted contact with her son again. She got 2 hours supervised contact per fortnight, for 4 months then eventually got him 6 hours per week.
Just before the wee one started nursery she asked for one overnight a week, she got given it, but after a few weeks of doing it she stopped as she had a new bf. A month later she asked for contact again and got given it back. By this time, my fiance had him friday morning to sunday bedtime.
The mums sister was always going to sw and telling them that my fiance was threating her and she didn't want him having contact. this ofcourse was lies. she was told by her lawyer if she lost contact by panel meeting or court the money $400 a week would stop.
To cut a long story short at court 2 years ago the sister was awarded residence order of the wee one as sw backed her in court. Since residence was granted the sister has had the wee man at most 2 days a week. he gets sent to all different family members houses as she doesn't want him, just wants the money. If we ask for him we get told no or ask sw. The mum had him for 3 months straight last year with out sw knowing. The sister has told us in texts that she wants us to have the wee one as she can't cope and knows the mum can't cope either, but when asked infront of sw she denies it and fakes panic attacks claiming we are bullying her. we showed sw the texts from her and she said we forced her to send them.
since christmas the mum isn't taking much to do with the wee one anymore as she has a new man and pregnant again. The sister won't give him to us as she won't give up the money, and the mum says she will support her sister so we don't get him even though she doesn't want him. The wee one is always exposed to violence staying at his aunties as the aunties boyfriend and father to her kids is really violent. The wee one has witnessed the aunites bf threatning to stab himself and smashing the house up as well as smashing the house windows, as he tells us. The wee one tells us and sw that he wants to live with his dad and me but sw tell him hes too young and stop being silly. The auntie keep him off school all the time if she can't be bothered getting up and just phones the school saying he is unwell, but the school won't report it.
Can someone help us in anyway. The wee one is stuck living at the aunties for another 10 years!
What ever you do ,do not do yourselves injustice and lose the plot with anyone, if you stay calm and persistent you will eventually be the stable home for this poor boy. You need to play the long game, he will eventually insist on it when he is older, because he will want to be in a calm happy loving home.
keep very careful diaries of everything keep them factual and non emotional , including when he is with you, keep that quite so no one starts to act for the record,
How ever difficult people are be very kind towards them at all times, this will show through.
Wow! That poor little boy!
I don't have any advice, but maybe ask for this to be moved to relationships as parenting doesn't always get a high volume of traffic. Good luck
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