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Am I right to get upset when he's buying her all these things yet can't afford cs

(9 Posts)
Elle6799 Sun 14-Feb-16 18:26:09

Am I right to get a little upset over this? Friends think I'm just acting up. I'm not upset for myself as I'm In a new relationship and have no feelings for this man, I'm upset for my son as it feels he doesn't care for him.

I work full time on minimum wage. Bring home little money and have to pay full rent because landlords don't accept partial housing benefit which is why I'm always left with virtually no money. My son is 16 months old, his dad and I where briefly together in early 2014 for about a month.

He does see his son (at my local park) for a few hours a fortnight. He lives 100 miles away from me so isn't easy but he will call him during the week.

I asked him for child support back in the summer. He made a big deal out of it said I wouldn't get a penny from him and was laughing at me. I made a claim against him which wasn't easy as had no address or work details just a name number family names etc and they told me it would probably be impossible unless I could find out his current address. I told him I had made the claim. He met with me and told me he couldn't afford to pay me anything right now as was on unpaid training for a new job. He said when he was getting paid he would make payments. He told me in September he had finished training but I never asked for any money at this time.

I started asking him for around £10 a week in December. He again said no and laughed at me saying I wouldn't get anything from him and I work and get child tax credit so I shouldn't be getting a penny from him anyway. He then tells me he can't afford to pay me anything even if he wanted too because he has no money.

Today I see he's taken his girlfriend out for a stay at a London hotel with dinner and brought her a Michael Kors watch. I saw this on social media as we are friends on there.

I haven't said anything to him and don't intend to cause any drama. I'm not going to say anything to her either because it's not her fault and she doesn't even know he has a baby. I'm just upset that he can do all of that for her whilst I'm having to feed his son cheap crap food because I can't afford any alternative.

absterfabster21 Mon 15-Feb-16 07:03:23

He fathered the child therefore he has to pay for him. Simple as that. Doesn't matter how often he can or chooses to see DC. Keep at him for an address and get a proper claim in. Sounds like you are doing all you can to give DC a good start in life but minimum wage and rent to pay can't be easy. DC should be getting treats too and not just the new gf! He sounds very immature to be laughing at your request. If he can't afford to give you money then it might result in an order from the court to force him to pay somehow! Good luck.

MeridianB Mon 15-Feb-16 12:27:42

OP, he sounds like a piece of work.

He is clearly earning something. Maybe he's trying to dodge tax, too. Either way, I wouldn't let that go. Your son deserves the financial support.

Could the CMS or Citizens Advice help with next steps?

He gets some credit for travelling to see his son, but with the attitude, refusal to give his home address and lack of payment, you would be well within your rights to halt contact until he does the right thing.

Supportingeachother1983 Mon 15-Feb-16 15:28:11

Could you apply for housing benefit? Your landlord wouldn't know as it gets paid directly into your bank account. This would help you and your son massively.

Keep on at trying to get child maintenance through the appropriate channels, I have no experience of this but someone more knowledgeable will be able to help you.

I can give you some ideas of cheap healthy meals if you would like, I have been learning this myself as we are on a budget. I will put a list together and post it on this thread.

FlumptyDumpty Mon 15-Feb-16 15:33:16

There are ways of finding his address, but you will need to do some digging. Are you up for a bit of snooping/subterfuge?

FlumptyDumpty Mon 15-Feb-16 15:34:34

Though not sure why the CSA won't find him -it would be easier for them than you confused

Supportingeachother1983 Mon 15-Feb-16 15:41:38

Breakfast ideas:
Toast with peanut butter
Beans on toast
Boiled egg and toast
Toast with marmite
Toast with jam
Basic brand crumpets

Home made vegetable soup
Baked potato and beans, cheese, tin tuna and Mayo etc
Pesto pasta
Sandwiches (peanut butter, cheese, marmite, jam, tuna mayo, egg mayo, ham)

Fish fingers chips and peas
Sausage mash and peas
Spag Bol make lots and freeze
Chilli make lots and freeze
Pasta sauce make lots and freeze
English muffin pizzas (just English muffins, tomato purée and a sprinkle of cheap cheese)
Toad in the hole
Shepards pie

Rice pudding
Home baking

Rice cakes
Malt loaf
Rich tea biscuits

alltouchedout Mon 15-Feb-16 15:44:36

Claim the hb you are entitled to, it gets paid to you, not your landlords. I'd go through cms myself to try and get child maintenance from him.

LaurieLemons Mon 15-Feb-16 15:55:32

I wouldn't just let it go, have you tried contacting an agency? I would say tell him no payments = no contact but that might not budge him either sad. You are his sons mother, you support him and it sounds like he doesn't respect you one bit.

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