AIBU to ask MIL not to stick DS in front of iPad constantly?

(19 Posts)
Jars54 Sat 13-Feb-16 17:38:08

My DS (29 months) usually stays with his grandparents (80 miles away), for a weekend a couple of times a year. This time she asked to have him for a week. I agreed, knowing that I trust her & that she knows my parenting style & what DS is usually like (very active). However this stay she seems to have adopted my SIL's style of parenting which is, stick them in front of the iPad all day to keep them quiet. I really don't want my son doing this all week. How can I confront her about it without sounding bitchy? It's really bothering me. 

poocatcherchampion Sat 13-Feb-16 17:51:52

How do you know this? How many days in are you?

What is 29 months?

Sirzy Sat 13-Feb-16 17:53:41

If you are there to know this surely you are looking after him so it's your decision?

If he is staying with them without you and it's only a couple of times a year I wouldn't say a thing.

SavoyCabbage Sat 13-Feb-16 17:55:06

So don't let him go. Looking after a two year old can be quite tiring so it's understandable that she might need a break. A week is a long time.

kelda Sat 13-Feb-16 17:55:54

You don't sound very respectful of the family, if you have such a low opinion of your SIL and MIL. Please don't 'confront' them, because you would, as you say, sound bitchy. He only goes there a few times a year. And it's great that they can take him for a week and keep him safe and happy - not always easy with a two year old.

winchester1 Sat 13-Feb-16 18:05:46

Mines the same age (2.5yrs) and we don't like to use screens much as I know they have in nursery and I've a younger child who would break it and mine just doesn't sit still with a screen for long and doesn't know how to work them. Are you sure your kid is really sat all day on an iPad if he has rarely used one before?
Tbh I'd maybe ask what he did like did he enjoy puddle jumping today etc but not confront them and just not leave him there so long again.

lighteningmcmama Sat 13-Feb-16 21:13:35

I would just not let him stay for a week again. It's OK for a weekend twice a year but not a whole week.

I would also find out more though as well, Is there a reason why she did this this time and not before eg was she not feeling well or something

kiki22 Sat 13-Feb-16 23:47:09

I wouldn't bother it won't kill him its not worth the hurt feelings that will come from it.

AndNowItsSeven Sun 14-Feb-16 00:07:49

Yes yabu, it's a week let your ds enjoy time with his grandparents.
If this was his nanny you would have a good point. As it isn't you will just come across as rude and hurtful.

Jars54 Sun 14-Feb-16 00:32:06

Thank you everyone for your replies. He's been there since Friday & DH & I FaceTime multiple times each day &
that's how I'm aware of this because MIL told us the reason DS was upset when we called was because it interrupted the cartoons he's been watching each time.
I have not & will not say anything as I guess from your responses I am BU & I will just let them enjoy their time together. smile

AnotherTimeMaybe Sun 14-Feb-16 00:38:18

YANBU it would annoy me too! Problem is you cant say much when someone in the family is taking care of your DC while you're chilling. They view it as they are helping you so they ll say they are doing you a favour!

TannhauserGate Sun 14-Feb-16 00:43:54

Well, there is no way on earth I would allow a 2yo to be on an iPad all day.
For a whole week?

Minisoksmakehardwork Sun 14-Feb-16 11:27:08

Tbh he's only been there a couple of days and you've already faced timed him multiple times. Not just a couple of times which implies you didn't want him to go for a week and are looking for an excuse to get him back early.

I'd see how it pans out over the rest of the week first. It could be grandma has been doing jobs to free up time to spend with him later in the week. Or that your son has asked for cartoons and grandma does what grandparents do best, spoil their grandkids and let him do what he wants.

I'd not mention it at all though and accept that grandparents do things differently. Mil asked for dd1's routine when they started having her overnight. Then promptly ignored it as it didn't fit their usual routine. By the time dts came along I just took a deep breath and dealt with the fallout later. The kids certainly love spending time with their grandparents and while they're safe, nothing else should be a concern.

IsItMeOr Sun 14-Feb-16 11:32:53

I think I'd try to cut the face time down to once a day.

But have no personal experience of this, as DMIL has only had DS overnight, so we just say goodbye before we go one day, and then leave them to it until the next lunchtime.

SmallBee Sun 14-Feb-16 11:37:50

It might be all your MIL can cope with. Not everyone has the energy to run around after an active toddler all day so this might be a way of allowing her to rest?
I'd enjoy the break and just make sure your dc knows screen time is just for MIL's house.

Jars54 Sun 14-Feb-16 12:53:38

I am happy for my son to stay with them for a week & am not looking for an excuse to get him back early. I do FaceTime twice a day because I miss him, I don't think that is wrong.

IsItMeOr Sun 14-Feb-16 13:37:38

OP Two doesn't sound too much, but it sounded more from your earlier posts.

I did wonder if, while it sounds helpful for you, it is unsettling for DS.

winchester1 Sun 14-Feb-16 17:02:45

Are you sure she isn't trying to spare your feelings by saying he is crying about cartoons rather than that the face time is upsetting him. I don't ft when i travel nor does my OH as it upsets the kids and then makes them harder work for the parent that has them.

Minisoksmakehardwork Sun 14-Feb-16 22:05:51

Sorry, it did sound more than twice a day when you said "dh and I FaceTime multiple times each day"

Which, tbh, is even less time on cartoons than I would have originally assumed. I wonder if him being on the iPad is just so he/mil doesn't miss your FaceTime call then, assuming you call around the same time. But of course sitting watching and waiting for your call is going to be pretty boring so a cartoon is put on while he's waiting. Naturally you won't know what point that finishes so interrupts his viewing. Would he be upset if you turned the tv off midway through a programme he was watching?

Anyway, given you're only calling twice a day, I still think that's actually not a lot of screen time and you don't know what else they've done. See the week out and go from there.

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