To have another baby or not?(11 Posts)
I'm in need of some wisdom from other mums or other people in the same situation.
Myself (31 years old) and my partner (37) years old are considering having another baby, we keep going back and forth on the idea for several reasons and I just want to understand if anyone else has been through the same situation and what the outcome for them was or of anyone else is currently in the same situation as us to know we're not alone.
We currently have a beautiful little boy who turned 1 a few weeks ago, myself and my husband are completely besotted with him, he's been a very challenging baby so without going into our life story I will explain a little, very challenging emotional pregnancy, milk allergy, undiagnosed tongue tie for 9 months which caused major feeding issues and sleepless nights until 11 months old, my little one has only just started sleeping through and it's wonderful!
Lately myself and my husband have been pondering over another baby, my little boy has no cousins and we have no little ones in our family, which has lately made us feel we would like a life long friend for our little boy, not to obviously mention myself and my husband feeling like we would like to double our love for two.
Problem is, I'm so nervous about making a wrong decision, we had it so hard with feeding issues and sleepless nights and things have only just settled down and we're now enjoying life that I worry we won't ever find this peace again. I'm scared we will have another and go through it all again, as it was such a tough year for us all. We are always told stories of people with slight regret about having another baby and telling us how hard it is with two, not to mention we have only just recovered from sleepless nights. But I also worry if we leave it a year we will enjoy the sleep so much we won't go through it again. I'm so scared of not doing it and regretting it or doing it and just pushing through daily? Any advice from anyone?
I have a very supportive family, my mum helps out a lot and we are even going away for the weekend next week and I'm worried people won't be so quick to help when there is 2 of them! My mum said that won't change and it's not much harder looking after two but I know she's saying that because she's desperate for 2 or more grandchildren!! My husband works from home full time which has been a blessing with my son and getting help, and he's now going to nursery 3 days a week round the corner from us so I'd have 3 days on my own with the little one with a husband and mum to help.
Any advice would be great! Thank you
I would. Though I have no experience of 2 so close in age. My 4 are all 5 years apart (16yrs down to 18months)
I don't think it is a now or never decision. You can afford to wait a little. The horrendous first year might happen again except this time you have more experience and you know it will end. Or the horrendous year might not happen and you will wonder what you were so worried about
I say do it
In some ways I think planning for a second baby can be harder than planning for a first because you know what is ahead. The fact neither of you are screaming NO in your heads makes me think you should close your eyes and jump in.
I say do it too.
I had a horrendous first year with my first born. Silent reflux. Cried all the time. Didn't sleep. We made the crazy decision to have another asap and I had my second when first was 18mo. I just thought that I'd rather get the hellish first year over asap with a second. For us it was absolutely the right decision. Second baby completely different. Fed and slept so easily. Probably because they were a different a baby but also I was more experienced.
If you're both on board go for it. And if you have another that's a bad sleeper etc at least you'll be more prepared to deal with it.
From what you've said, you're in a great position to have another, assuming that is what you both want.
There is always going to be something to worry about. I'm currently pregnant with our 2nd, and am worried they will be a 'hard' baby, because DD was an 'easy' baby! You can't change it, so try not to worry about it.
I'm currently pregnant with DC2, there will be a 4 year age gap between this one and DS1. So I'm not a naysayer by any means, but I would just caution against the idea that a sibling will inevitably be a life long friend for your DS. There's no guarantee that siblings will get along long term. Of course there's every chance they may do, but I wouldn't have that as a major reason for having a second child.
We don't have a huge amount of external help, but that wasn't a factor in the decision to have DC2. We have managed with DS1, with only occasional help, and I am happy that we could also manage with 2 without too much help. I think it's always worth planning for no help, just in case circumstances change.
But all that aside, I am very excited about meeting DC2 and having another little body around to love. If you feel the same then go for it!
I'd say go for it, you know what it's like, IMO get all the sleepless nights over and done with now, then when dc2 is through that you can relax and enjoy knowing you won't go through it in 3 years time!
We have a just over 1 year old and are expecting dc2 in 6 months. I'm a bit terrified now of the sleepless nights though!
Thanks guys all your comments have been so helpful! I think we will go for it but I really do dread that little mouth smacking it's chops every 2 hours in the morning lol!! Hopefully this time will be easier as it was a real challenge with my son!
Even if your second will be just as hard, the experience won't be as hard. You will be more confident and you already know what you're doing. I found second a doddle, there's barely anything to do!
Of course, the toddler (2 years between mine) took up att he available time and energy, so baby just had to manage . But a 2-year old would be at least somewhat challenging whether there's also a baby, or not.
And it is lovely to see how they (now 2y7 and 7 months) interact and play and talk in their own special sibling language.
I have found 2 to be much harder than I anticipated and going back to sleepless nights and the helpless newborn stage was so tough.
However, I do not regret having dc2 even though he has been so extremely difficult. If it is something you keep revisiting and, as pp have said, you're not screaming no then I would go for it
I agree - go for it. We also had the issue of one DC and no others on either side of the family and were worried that our first DS would be spoiled, lonely and then, ultimately, the only one of his generation having to deal with us in our old age, plus both mine and DH's childless sisters. Giving him a sibling was a no-brainer really. In addition, you're an experienced parent second time around. A lot of the issues you had first time, if you encounter them again you'll be quick to deal with them and sure of yourselves. IME having number two was in many ways much easier than having number one. You've done it all before, so you just get on with it.
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