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Parenting

probably completely OTT but first time mum and upset...

26 replies

bunny85 · 07/02/2016 17:49

Hi

My baby is 12 weeks and we had some visitors today. One of them is a smoker (I didn't know so couldn't ask him anything beforehand and also he's not my friend but my dh's). So he came in stinking of smoke and I was holding the baby. He then stroked his hand and then kissed it without obviously washing his hands or even taking off his jacket! He sat in his jacket in our living room where there are all the baby toys and blankets laying around. I just said I needed to feed the baby and took him to another room. I'm so upset right now. Should I wash my baby's hand now? Really upset and worried now... Probably completely OTT but first time mum...

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ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 07/02/2016 17:52

Welcome to motherhood.

Unless he was puffing fagsmoke into the baby's face, then yes, in the kindest possible way, OTT.

You aren't wrong to want to bleach the whole place, I loathe fag smell with a passion, but it's only a smell. The urine on his hands from last time he went to the loo and didn't wash them is probably worse.....

VegasIsBest · 07/02/2016 17:52

Completely OTT. Wash the baby by all means. But what on earth harm can smoke smells do on one occasion?

Annarose2014 · 07/02/2016 17:53

With kindness, very OTT.

Exactly how do you think this guy has infected your baby?

crumblybiscuits · 07/02/2016 17:54

I would also be upset. Have people not heard of second hand smoke?

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/02/2016 17:55

You are being OTT. The baby will take in more fumes from passing cars than from 30 seconds in the same room as someone who has recently smoked.

I'm a first time mum too, this isn't something I give an awful lot of headspace. Someone actually smoking around my baby, that would be different entirely.

HairySubject · 07/02/2016 17:55

Second hand smoke from touching the baby with his hand?

crumblybiscuits · 07/02/2016 17:59

He was also kissing the baby which I believe has carbon monoxide emissions hence why you should not co-sleep if a smoker. I'm not saying that anything will happen because of it but I'd be pretty bloody annoyed if someone was breathing fag breath over my baby. NHS advice is to wash your hands and change your top before handling a baby after smoking for a reason.

Annarose2014 · 07/02/2016 18:16

This guy has done NOTHING to this baby. It actually annoys me that you are implying a brief encounter with a smoker who was actually not smoking in the baby's environment will be harmful in some (conveniently vague) way.

crumblybiscuits · 07/02/2016 18:19

www.nhs.uk/news/2010/02February/Pages/third-hand-smoking-child-risk.aspx

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/02/2016 18:22

Yes crumbly but that research is linking the effects to prolonged exposure not 30 whole seconds, as a one off.

Annarose2014 · 07/02/2016 18:24

"The study did not measure how much of the substances the body absorbs or their direct effects on a person's health"

But thanks for the scaremongering!

HairySubject · 07/02/2016 18:25

He also kissed the babies hand. Not his face .

Costacoffeeplease · 07/02/2016 18:26

Way, way ott

crumblybiscuits · 07/02/2016 18:27

FWIW, I was a smoker for 8 years and my mother and all of my family still smoke. I make them either change their top/take off their coat and have a mint or wait for an hour or two before holding the baby. I don't see why it is a so outrageous to ask that they don't breathe toxins all over my brand new baby.

I did not say that link proved anything, I thought it was relevant to the conversation to see the NHS advice on it. Why do you feel the need to jump down people's throats who simply don't view smoking the same way as you do?

frenchfancy · 07/02/2016 18:31

I completely understand, but you are being very OTT. What do you imagine people do when the grandparents are smokers? You can make sure that your baby is not exposed to smoke, but you cannot make sure he doesn't come into contact with smokers.

It is a mothers instinct to protect our DCs from all possible harm, but it is also our lot in life to worry about all the potential harm we couldn't stop. Welcome to motherhood.

GahBuggerit · 07/02/2016 18:31

ott. wait until strangers start touching your baby in tesco!

i loved people fawning over my babies, they WERE the cutest though

villainousbroodmare · 07/02/2016 18:32

Sorry, you are being intensely over the top. It wasn't ideal but you'll have to calm down a lot or you will have a very stressy life.

pilates · 07/02/2016 18:37

I'm sure a one off meeting with a smoker isn't going to harm your baby.

You sound a bit rude to go off in another room when he has come to see you and the baby.

Caravanoflove · 07/02/2016 18:42

I don't think you are being over the top at all! That's disgusting and plenty of evidence that toxins longer on clothes that are harmful to babies.

bunny85 · 07/02/2016 19:14

Thanks everyone for replying and understanding.

I fully agree that I need to calm down because my baby will be exposed to all the sorts in life and I can't shield him from every possible harm, much as I'd do anything to be able to. I'm very new to parenthood and babies in general (being the only child myself so no nieces/nephews experience).

Crumbly and Caravan, thanks for seeing where I'm coming from. I loathe cigarette smoke and I hate seeing my baby next to someone who stinks of it. The worst thing is that now they are gone, but the house still smells so bad!! Especially the sofa and the place he left his jacket on. I opened the windows now and wonder how long it'll take for it to go. Just so upset at people's thoughtlessness...

To all who think I'm being OTT, I probably am... It doesn't make me feel less upset though But for future I know I should relax more. I realise no real harm could have been done after this one incident.

Pilates, I didn't go away immediately. I stayed for a while while they (there were 6 people) congratulated and talked about the baby. After about 15 mins I left as them and my DH started talking about work and baby was getting hungry indeed.

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Caravanoflove · 07/02/2016 19:22

I speak as a medic re the smoke issue, you are not being over the top at all and NHS guidance supports you.
As a mother I tried to relax when someone with a heavy cold held my newborn despite me wanting to rip him from their arms (second child so not pfb). He got bronchiolitis that was rhinovirus positive (I.e from the persons cold) and was in intensive care for 2 weeks. He has lung scarring and ongoing issues resulting in recurrent hospitalisations ever since, up to 40 admissions, 3 meds a day, antibiotics 3 times a week now 6 years later. This was all as a result of that first insult to his lungs. I really regret not taking in out of the room.
Trust your instincts YADNBU

bunny85 · 07/02/2016 19:31

Caravan, your story made me tearful! Only after having a baby I can fully understand what mothers worries really mean. It's heartbreaking. I really really hope your DC will fully recover soon. Thank you for sharing, what you have been through is so incredibly hard. I fully agree that mother's instinct always knows best. All the best to you and your children.

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Caravanoflove · 07/02/2016 19:56

Thank you, although I didn't mean to make you more anxious, none of this will happen to your child!!

Toria2014 · 07/02/2016 19:56

If you are anything like me, you'll feel like this for a while. I found it hard to deal with the thought that suddenly, I was aware of all the germs etc that were everywhere. Something that I had never given a second thought to before I had my baby!

It does get easier though, my LO is 19 months now and I am far more relaxed. You have to be!

I hate the smell of fag smoke though, its rank.

bunny85 · 07/02/2016 20:04

Caravan, oh no you didn't. If anything, you made me feel better that I'm not the weird one feeling like this. What I was trying to say is I was tearful about what happened to your DC. Should have made myself more clear. Thank you again for the reassurance!

Toria, good to hear it does get better. Constant worries for my baby on top of the sleepless nights and dealing with everything with only dh's help (no other family here) is making me even more emotional. So that's what being a mother is like

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