Doing it all alone.(5 Posts)
I'm new to this board. I'll try and keep the last two years as brief as I can. Here's my story...
I'm 36 years old. Got pregnant in Apr 15. Partner (42, no previous marriage or kids) of just under a year (friends before that) was ok at first.
Decided in July 15 he didn't want to be together.
Heart broken throughout whole pregnancy.
He made very little effort. He's living with his mum as she's now disabled and he helps her out.
I told him I was moving back to home town. If he didn't want to be with me, I needed somewhere to get support. Ask him if he was ok with it, he said he was and would come every weekend (gone from 10 mins away to 40 mins away)
We had an argument one day over his lack of input during pregnancy then that was it.
Had baby son, very traumatic pregnancy and birth. Had stopped contacting ex as was all one way. If he wanted to be involved he should do off own back.
Sent him letter when DS was 4 months old asking if he'd like to meet him, plus sent photo..No reply!!
Went down CSA route a couple months after and we get £67.10 per month, what a joke!!!
Distressing at his lack of response and interest, I approach his sister and ask if she'd like to be involved. She's delighted and her and her mum (DS grandma) start to see little one.
All is ok, they are embarrassed by ex behaviour and attempt to invol
Continued...attempt to involve him. He's having non of it. Didn't say why so there's no closure for me. Got in touch with his family so my DS has some relatives on his dad side.
In November, DS rushed to hospital with suspected meningitis.
Ex' s Sister comes and my family too.. In hospital for 5 days. I'm so distressed, thought my son may die. Say to ex sister please pass a message on to ex... If he doesn't get his arse to this hospital i will personally find him and kill him (he's never met son at this point)
Ex comes next day for 10 mins, as soon as he comes the sister takes me out of the room. The ex mom had told the sister to do this but didn't explain why.
Ex goes home, goes mad at his sis and mom and says they are interfering and keep out of his business. He's clearly mad cause he feels guilty he's let son down.
The next day I end up having a row with the sister and she says she wants no more contact with us.
I'm hurt, confused, distressed., You name it.
DS comes out of hospital thank God and is OK, wasn't meningitis in end.
Phoned the mom and said apologise for me to the sister for arguing with her, was very stressed at time.
The sister has taken all photos of my son off FAcebook and deleted me as a friend. After call to the mom, sister friends request me again. I accept and ask her to a couple of events with me and my son, she ignores my messages and after two weeks I then block her.
Confused frustrated all over the place, I then wonder if the mom and sis are trying to keep me and ex apart.
So I go and see ex. There was no apology for his behaviour, he just rants on about how awful his sister is. Says to me that he told them he didn't want to be involved although they could. He didn't even ask how our son was. He said he went to hospital just to let little man know he's in his thoughts (,big of him hey!) But my son ended up crying after spending a few minutes alone with him.
Even though my ex was being cold towards me when I went to see him, i still gave him all our details if he wants to be in touch (leaving door open for my son to have a dad).
He said he couldn't come for a coffee with me.
I said, look I don't even have your phone number as you changed it. He says you can get me on Facebook (what a twat)
I messaged him on Facebook two weeks later and asked him to meet for a coffee... No reply.
No word from him, his sister or mom.
Nothing. The presents the sis and mom got for DS they never sent in end.
So it's a dreadful dreadful situation.
I'm trying to come to terms with it. I do the best for my DS but I sometimes struggle.
I feel very very lonely at times.
I can't believe this was the man I fell in love with. He was such a decent guy, a family man, really caring. God knows who this dead beat is now.
He couldn't even put in an extra bit of money for my son's birthday or Christmas.
I felt let down by him but now anger at his family for giving them a chance and getting it thrown back in face.
This is their only blood son, nephew and grandson. What's wrong with them??
I've got no answers, never did have, just silence.
Daunted by my son growing up fatherless really stresses me out at times.
Anyone been through similar or can give advice or support.
Hi OP, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this all on your own.
You really have given him every opportunity to see your DS, bond with him and get involved. He's thrown every chance back in your face. It's going to be very difficult, but now it's time to leave him behind and get on with your and your baby's life. His family have been equally difficult and they don't deserve any effort from you either.
I hope you have friends and/or family in your home town who can support you. You need to find people you can trust for your own sake and your son's. Move on and make yourselves a happy future without these nasty people draining your energy. If your ex and his family want to get involved at some point in the future, then cross that bridge then and take it very slowly. They'll need to show far more compassion and care than they've managed to do so far. It doesn't sound as if they're worth your time.
Hi OP, didn't want to read and run. Totally agree with whattodo, you've given the ex's family so many chances. Don't let them hold you back from having a happy life with your DS. Hope you have friends and family in your home town to support you, some suitable male role models around for your DS.
Must be tough for you, hugs
Thanks for your message. I do have a best friend who is a child minder and I pay her to look after my son when need a break. My family aren't that good. Have a brother and sil who lives in next street, they encouraged me to move back home. Think I've seen them about 6 times in 14 months. Mother and Stepfather help out here and there but not a lot to be honest. That's why I feel so lonely.
Just can't believe people we are related to are so selfish. Just got unfortunate with the ex and his family but a similar family to myself. Xx
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