How old is too old for naughty step? 9yo.

[caitlinohara]

Ds1 is 9. We stopped using naughty step years ago now as he seemed too old for it, but it did work at the time. Nowadays if does something really bad he is sent to his room.

Trouble is, he doesn't see this as an actual punishment since he has all his toys in there etc.

It's mostly low level annoying stuff, just endless not doing as he's asked. He has always struggled with transitioning from one thing to another but it's really wearing. I feel like we have let him get away with too much because attention has focussed on younger siblings who need help with getting dressed, getting shoes on, washing etc. It doesn't matter who asks him - me and dh both get ignored.

He is not ignored in other ways btw - dh and I both make a point of trying to spend individual time with all three children regularly - so he's not being neglected in favour of younger siblings and playing up to get attention.

I suppose I'm asking if there is any point in re-introducing naughty step or if that's completely ridiculous! Anyone else with a similar age child still doing it?

[Littlef00t]

Is he into his tech? I'm wondering whether you could give him X minutes screentime a day shown in blocks of time on a chart or marbles in a jar and everytime he misbehaves he loses screentime? Just a thought, I don't have kids the right age to advise.

[BlueChampagne]

We've adopted the traffic light system used at school, but I bet a reduction in screen time would be just as effective.

[Iggly]

if he doesnt get dressed etc - what do you do? Send him to his room?

What about carrying on as you would normally if he doesnt listen (after making sure he has really heard you by looking him in the eye). So if he doesnt get dressed for going out, leave the house as he is?

[caitlinohara]

He doesn't get a right lot of screen time anyway tbh. I have tried the whole 'earning screen time' thing, but he's not all that bothered. I've tried ignoring it and carrying on as normal but I can't physically put him in the car if he's not ready because I'm not strong enough so essentially we are still dancing to his tune.

I feel increasingly that I am losing control of his behaviour and I'm not sure what to do about it. He is such a good boy at school, never ever been in trouble, and he can be very kind at home. It's really just basic co operation: it seems to take longer and longer to get him to do simple tasks and he seems to be losing respect for me completely. I told him he would be going to bed earlier if he wasted any more time the other day and he just argues back "no I won't". Sometimes he ignores me altogether and carries on talking to his brother as if I am not even in the room.

He's not aggressive, or abusive, he's happy at school and doing well. He's just totally uncooperative, and it's exhausting

[Jw35]

Trouble with bedrooms is they're too much fun! I suggest the no warning technique (it's my technique lol and worked a treat with my 11 year old dd when she went through a disrespectful stroppy stage).

Basically when you ask him to do something and he ignores you, you go straight to a consequence. Eg 'you haven't listened to me so I'm confiscating your fav toy/no TV today/not having pudding tonight' etc doesn't matter what the consequence is it can be something small like not sitting in the front of the car or can be bigger such as he has to wash up after dinner.

After a few times of doing this he will realise that you won't nag, that there's an immediate reaction for not listening to you and it's not worth it!

So it's ask him to do something-then consequence for not listening followed by then asking him again to do it and repeat! One time my dd ignored my request 3 times and ended up with no pudding, no TV and an early night! She soon stopped ignoring me!

[Jw35]

Also don't get into an argument about it, if he says 'no I won't go to bed early tonight' as in your example just ignore him and repeat the request. He can have a shock at bedtime when e realises it's not an empty threat!