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first time teen mum(15 Posts)
Hey guys, I'm an 18 year old art student who's just become a mother for the first time. I'm away from home for my studies and the father is no longer in my life and although I have extended family and friends for support here, I'm honestly just feeling so scared and overwhelmed at the minute. If anyone has had a similar experience they could share I would be very grateful. Everything feels just a bit much for me to get my head round right now! Thankyou x
Hi pink. I wasn't a young mum but I can promise you most mums feel pretty overwhelmed, especially with their first. You have extra hard things to deal with so it's not surprising you feel like this. Lean on anyone you can. Family and friends. Get your friends to keep visiting regularly and put baby in its pram and head out for coffee and shopping with your friends as much as possible. If family will mind your baby to give you time alone then take them up on the offer as much as possible. Finally, I would say that babies are quite boring. Lovable but they don't give anything back. In a short time that will change and being a mum feels so much more meaningful in my experience. You will be fine, just keep stumbling forwards like the rest of us.
im with Polly, i wals 29 when i had ds1 and it was the scariest, most over whelming but amazing time.
Get out and about when you can, just a stroll round the local area or to a coffee shop. Use your support network, if they say come round for dinner.....do it!
Have a look for local sure start centres, i have found mine invaluable
Good luck, you'll be fab
It is scary and overwhelming, especially if you're a lone parent.
However, this is the hardest bit (I found) and every week it gets easier, until it becomes second nature, like driving!
I'm a lone parent of a now four year old. She's my best buddy and we have such fun together, the early bit was hard (I also had no family or support) but it is so, so worth it.
Take each day as it comes, soon you'll turn around and your baby will be 1, then 4!!! And you'll wonder where the time went
I was 21 so not a teen but still relatively young. I think being a new mum is overwhelming for everyone so its totally normal for you to feel like that don't worry.
Remember that everything that is hard is just a phase, nightfeeds is a really hard phase but one that will end.
How about going to some mum and baby groups/nurture groups? A bit of support from people going through the same thing can help it seem less scary, our area had ones for young mums which were really good actually, met some good friends
Have a look online for your sure start centre leaflet and see what groups are on?
Oh and my HV suggested parents as first teachers, which is a sort of one to one course run by sure start centres. The advice was a bit patronising but the lady who I did it with was lovely and helped me with loads of things and was someone i could ask lots of questions and talk about things with when I was feeling overwhelmed. Definitely helped me feel more confident.
I remember leaving hospital thinking "omg so I'm actually in charge of a baby now, like, I'm actually allowed to be in charge of this little human? Oh shit"
I was 17, it was great. I genuinely loved it being on my own with my beautiful baby.
My advice and many on MN won't agree but feeding on a four hourly routine (breast or bottle) will start a routine where the baby will start sleeping through. The most important thing to sort out is sleep when your young and on your own. You can't function the same way a 30 yr old woman can on hardly any sleep day in day out.
Sort out the sleep and enjoy your baby.
Some of my best memories are lounging around on the sofa with the sun shining through the baby led on me whilst I was reading a good book. I loved all the stages weening, walking, talking and then I had another one (17 months apart) and my life turned into a drudge until they grew up.
I did the feeding on a schedule thing, midwives at hospital told me to feed every 3 hours then every 4 hours I thought if I didn't I would make him sick but her did sleep through the night from about 5 weeks
Hi you could see if Home Start operate in your area. Search on line. They can send a volunteer for 2 hours every week to give you a helping hand be a non judgemental listener, share their own experiences. The volunteers are well trained and dbs checked. They're all ages and backgrounds.
OP it is terribly overwhelming. Most of my friends are in their thirties. We have all had times where we literally don't think we can do it anymore...and yet we did and do. All I'm saying is that you are not a bad mum for feeling like it's all to much. It is! But it will get easier, you will sleep again and leave the house and meet friends and get babysitters. It takes time but life slowly starts to come in focus. For me it took about 6 months for the fig to lift but I'm sure that's because that's when baby started sleeping. I agree with the previous person, get sleep absolutely however you can. It is essential. X
Hi Pink, just wanted to say that I'm a 33 year old with a supportive husband and the birth of DS 7 months ago absolutely knocked me for 6! I've never felt as overwhelmed or scared in my whole life! I'm a highly organised professional in my work life and couldn't believe how bad I was at being a mother. DS has silent reflux so sleep was non existent and until about 3 months I couldn't understand how anyone had second or third children. Then the reflux cleared up, the sleep improved and the smiles started. Every day gets better and better. Take up every opportunity of help that you can and know that in a short time everyday will be easier than the last. Best of luck x
Apart from the studying I was in a similar situation to you, 18 and single mum. It is daunting and lonely, but that feeling doesn't last forever. I'm 11 years down the line now and look back on that time with fond memories.
I also sometimes don't know how I did it, but I did. And so will you. The main thing to remember is do not be too scared to ask for help, and don't let your pride get in the way. I used to think I had something to prove to everyone who told me I would never be able to do it, so I sometimes struggled along by myself. It's good to ask for help when you need it.
Good luck, and congratulations
Hi pink, I'm a teen mum too, I'm also a college student studying to get a qualification which will hopefully get me into uni at some point in the long distant future. I fell pregnant with my first little one at 17 and he's nearly 1 now, I'm19 now and have another little one on the way! And yes it is a hell of lot harder to study AND juggle motherhood when your young but it can be done! People always make women think that you either have to pick having a family or a career but you really can be an amazing mum and still strive for a career, it just takes a bit of organisation and determination. But I would say definitely take a break from your studies even if it's just a short one or if maybe go on study leave and work from home cos you need time to find a routine which works for you and little one! And time to rest of course ,hope this brings a bit of reassurance to you, good luck Hun , xxxx
I became a mom at 19 and was also studying for a degree at the time. I ended up having to leave uni. My course was a very demanding music course, with the aim of becoming a professional violinist. We had to practise for six hours every day on top of lectures etc, it was simply not possible to continue. I've clearly not learnt my lesson, as I'm now 28 and juggling my second baby with a college course! However, if you can find a way to make it work, then do. I agree with other posters about taking time off at first. But don't think that it's the end for your education or ambitions! I would encourage all young moms to keep going.
Honestly, it was the loneliest and most difficult time of my life, but this was because I had very severe depression which had started years before I even became pregnant. I didn't seek help for about four years and every day was hell. But we made it through. And if I did a good job of it, with rapidly needing to grow up and having mental health problems, then most people can! I never realised how much I was capable of, how selfless I could be, or patient despite exhaustion, until I became a mom. You come across as a lot more mature than I was at that age, so it sounds like you're off to a good start already! What in particular are you worried about? I did find that I lost most of my friends, which is a common experience for older moms too, but the few that stuck around are still my friends today. One of them is even my husband
Do you have any specific support? A young persons midwife, etc? I didn't have much help in this way, but the little bit of help I did have was beneficial, with regards to what I was entitled to. I know there were also young parent baby groups, which i wish I'd attempted. I was far too anxious to go to any groups and often thought I was being judged. I have no idea whether that was true, but can say with certainty that I do not judge young moms at all. I greatly admire them, especially when they're doing it without a partner, and think they are hard working and amazing.
Hi I can totally understand your feeling scared/overwhelmed it is such a massive thing having a baby. I fell pregnant & gave birth at 23. People always give you advice & make u feel like you're doing the wrong thing but just do what's best for you & your baby. I absolutely love being a young mum & wouldn't change it for the world, my mum was in her mid 30s when she had me & I always wished I had a young cool, fun mum & I'm adamant that's what I'm going to be. I won't lie it's been really hard, when we told my boyfriends parents they were disgusted even though we'd been together for 7 years & they threw my boyfriend out which wouldn't have mattered too much but I worked for them at their company consequently they made my time at work unbearable until I left on my maternity. They've had no contact with their grandson (we've not stopped them, it's their choice) once my maternity had finished I chose not to go back to work. But we're now married, my husband has a great new job & we're moving away for a fresh start. Things can get really hard but I look at my son & think of all the people in the world who are desperate to get pregnant & can't & realise how lucky I am
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