Mums with big age gaps between children

[Kayleighann]

Hi I have 2 children aged 9 and 6 and have spent the last 2 years trying to decide on baby number 3.

I have so many things I'm worried about. Age gap being the main concern. We have a 3 bed house, so another baby would mean someone having to share! If we had a dd it's not so bad but a ds would mean a 10 year age gap!
I'm worried about days out, we love going for meals and cinema bowling swimming etc all that seems harder with a baby in tow.
Will my current 2 be jealous of a new baby getting so much attention. My time is shared equally with 2, how does it work with 3.
I was reading a article about big age gaps saying don't do it, as it's not fair on the older children who have exams etc with a 5 year old running around.

I think the age gap now would be ok but worried about when they are older. Teenagers and a young child. Everyone will want to do very different things.

I keep thinking stop worrying and just have one, lots of ppl have big age gaps but I have a nagging feeling that I'm making a mistake having a third.

Any advise, experiences from ppl who have a big age gap.

[Ploy]

Hi, I'm not very experienced about the long term stuff, as my 3rd is still a baby. But there is much less jealousy than there was between my older 2 who are close in age. Also going out and doing stuff; so far it's not a problem.

And sharing bedrooms is not a big problem in my opinion. Especially if you give the sharing children the biggest room.

What are the potential positive aspects?

You need to weigh them up, not just focus on the negatives, if you want to make a decision that feels right.

[Kayleighann]

Thanks ploy.
I was thinking about it yesterday and realised that what I'm doing is trying to talk myself out if it. I want a third and can't stop thinking about having a third but I'm so scared of ruining what we have at the moment that I keep coming up with reasons not to have one.
I've not sat here and thought about the positives all I do is drive myself mad with the negatives.
Me and hubby had a chat last night and he said as we are so unsure why don't we just stick with 2. I then felt a mixed of emotions of sad and cross with oh.
I honestly feel like another baby is not the right thing to do for the rest of my family I feel like I'm being selfish, but I can't see that I will ever come to terms with not having a third.

[Ploy]

Oh, it's so HARD !

Having pretty accurate control over family size makes for some tough decisions. Sure, I'd rather have the choice, and not just have a big family many of whom died like in times gone by.
But so many of us struggle with making these decisions.

Is it eAsier to think of the,decision as ' not now' rather thAn 'never' ?

[kansasmum]

My dd's were 13 and 10 when I had Ds! The age gap has never been an issue and his sisters adore their little brother!
However his sisters are 22 and 19 now so he is a bit like an only child as no siblings near his age but he's happy to play by himself etc and he's never commented about feeling lonely or anything.
Obviously my dd's were old enough to really help out and could get themselves organised for school etc in the early post partum days which helped.

Ds was a huge surprise but never looked back and my eldest Dd is married and has her own baby and she says having a little brother really prepared her for life with a baby!

Sometimes it's hard finding a family activity to suit all ages but we managed and the girls were willing to do stuff more suited for Ds at times and other times I'd leave Ds with dh and we'd have girly days out.
Holidays meant a villa rather than hotel as less stressful for me when you've got teens and a toddler but that's a personal choice. Girls were brilliant and really enjoyed playing with Ds in the pool and on beach etc ( good excuse to be a big kid again I think and build sand castles etc!).

[Turquoisetamborine]

I don't have three but my son was 7 when his little brother came along after a long battle with infertility. He's only 9 months at the moment but it's absolutely brilliant. The older one adores the baby, there's no jealousy, he's happy to play with him for a few minutes while I nip to the loo or whatever.

We still go swimming and to kids films at the cinema. Basically whatever the older one wants to do, bowling, trampoline park etc, the baby comes along and fits in.

It wasn't how I planned but when I look at my friends who are just surviving rather than enjoying their small age gap kids, I'm happy with the way it turned out.

My four brothers are 4yrs, 7yrs (twins) and 12 yrs younger than me and now we are adults we all get along brilliantly with no animosity. My youngest brother will be godfather to my son tomorrow and I'm proud as punch of him.

[goldenlilliesdaffodillies]

Hi I have experience of big age gaps. There are 7 years between my DD and DS and DH also has 2 older children in their 20's.

I really enjoyed being able to have quality time with both babies. It is abit more challenging now DD is a teenager and needs driving around. DS spends a fair bit of time in the car which can affect DS's sleep as pick up times for school tends to be 7pm. Also now DH and I are that much older we get very tired as DS doesn't sleep through. However I wouldn't have changed this. DS and DD adore each other (most of the time!)

I think there will always be the possibility of jealousy issues in whatever age the children. Try and think another baby will make life different but not a bad thing. If you are thinking of having a 3rd though I wouldn't hang about as you never know what life will throw at you.