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Mums of 3....

(24 Posts)
MrsRV Wed 27-Jan-16 19:58:20

Did you agonise over whether to have a third baby? It consumes me!! 2 DDs, 4 & 2 yo. Life is becoming easier again, sleep is better, money is better, social lives are better. Why oh why oh why can I not stop thinking about having another baby???? I'm petrified of actually having a third - will a third ruin it all? What if we dont have another & i regret it forever? The thought of not having another makes me really sad. Part of me thinks i should be grateful for what i have but the other part (the most part) just cannot seem to get past it. Give it 6 months & timing would be the best its going to get. I found 1 - 2 really hard, the age gap i think but this time age gap would be much bigger, smallest would be 3, eldest at school. Will it be ok??

Tournesol Wed 27-Jan-16 20:02:02

I was obsessed with the decision from the minute DC2 was born! I ended up going for it and now have three fab children. The first year with three under five was hard but now they are 8, 6 and 4 it is fantastic and they are such a great team.

I love being a family of 5, even if it is pretty mental sometimes!

MrsRV Wed 27-Jan-16 20:06:05

I've been exactly the same and now the time is drawing closer i am more confused than ever. Hubby is happy but i know he's exactly the same as me - wants another one deep down but is petrified.

poocatcherchampion Wed 27-Jan-16 20:09:01

Sounds like you want it.

We never discussed it after we got married. We knew we wanted at least 3 and so had them with the closest gaps possible - the latter 2 were slightly premature so we got 17mo and 26mo which means 3 under 3.5

We love it, but every now and then we look T each other and say "what have we done!!!" grin

SmileAndNod Wed 27-Jan-16 20:13:43

Well it will be ok, because it has to be!

Never underestimate how much more work just that one extra child causes though. It doesn't seem like you have just one more child, you have a tribe almost and stuff just mounts up.

I have ongoing pND and I find 3 hard work, but two didn't seem enough. We decided to take the 'we'll give it till we're 40 and see what happens approach' as we couldn't decide either. We were happy with the two we had, but the third is utterly gorgeous and we wouldn't be without her. They are now 8, 5, & 3. I'm now completely done and I have a puppy who is much harder work than 3 DC

Good luck with your decision, though it sounds as though you've already decidedwink

VocationalGoat Wed 27-Jan-16 20:13:44

I have 3 and the thought of not having anymore is tough. I am 43 and admittedly, I am struggling with leaving the baby making years behind. I'd love a 4th just about... definitely no more. 3 is the magic number.
Is it hard, of course it is... but so was baby 1 and then baby 2. Baby number 3 will be hard too if you decide to go ahead. But
I really wanted 3 kids, without question. Your emotions seem a little torn, which is understandable. Having a baby is a big deal. And those first few months are super draining. You have to be really up for it. Do you want another child for good enough reasons? You don't need to answer me at all. It's a question worth thinking about on your own over time and answering honestly.

madwomanbackintheattic Wed 27-Jan-16 20:14:58

We weren't desperate either way, (first two were same gap as yours) but had dc3 wit the same gap. She was brain damaged at birth (hypoxia birth injury) and spent a long time in scbu. It was pretty tricky dealing with effectively two toddlers and a newborn (dc1 was 3 1/2, dc2 was 18 mos) but we also then had extensive appointments etc as we came to terms with her disability and worked through the therapy and support she would need.

Ultimately, a birth injury caused by asphyxia can't be planned for, but it certainly added an unexpected new dimension to looking after three children!

In practical terms, the baby stage is usually easiest - once they are all in different settings, with different activities, it all gets much harder!!

uhoh2016 Wed 27-Jan-16 20:48:15

Mum of 3 boys here. My 2 older ones are 8 and 5 ds3 is nearly 1. I found having a bigger gap before having ds3 easier as the older 2 are in full time school I'm not sure I'd of coped very well with a baby and 2 toddlers but that's just me. The older 2 dote on baby and can help out sort of baby number 3 was the best thing we ever did and has completed our family

passmethewineplease Wed 27-Jan-16 20:49:48

Never discussed it. DD3 was a complete happy accident surprise!

It's tough but I think my age gap doesn't help that.

I wouldn't change it though.

dementedma Wed 27-Jan-16 20:50:59

Bear in mind that if number 3 is twins then you will have 3 and 4!

Peppapogstillonaloop Wed 27-Jan-16 20:52:15

I was the same as you, ummed and Ahhed for ages until deciding to go for it. How old are you? The clincher for me was that I still had a good few years left when I could if I wanted to but I knew I didn't want a big gap. Was worried that if I didn't do it now I would really want to in 5 years time!
We have 3 now and love it, it is so much busier but also more fun and I don't think as hard as the Jump from 1-2 was..

Sleepingbunnies Wed 27-Jan-16 20:54:28

Ask me again in 4 weeks grin

Seriously though I cannot wait for DC3 to arrive!

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Wed 27-Jan-16 20:56:29

When my youngest was 8 I just had the most overwhelming urge to have another. I used to cry at the thought of the kids growing up and me not having younger children at home. Having a new baby has certainly been a huge shock but I'm so happy and the love I have for him is amazing

BackforGood Wed 27-Jan-16 21:07:54

No, I didn't really agonise. I knew I wanted 3. I'm one of 4 and dh is one of 3 so it seemed very normal for us.
I found dc3 slotted in very easily - they just have to in so many ways as life is still going on for the older two.

dementedma Wed 27-Jan-16 21:14:33

Number 3 was very unexpected here. He will be 14 tomorrow. His big sisters are 25 and 22. Not sure it its easier with a big gap or harder....

HalfwayUpALadder Wed 27-Jan-16 21:17:14

I always wanted 3. Now have 3 yo and almost 6 yo. For a long time felt I needed a third, almost damn the consequences
I now work full time and am struggling to feel like I have any kind of handle on all the stuff flying around...
Feel like I am now leaning towards not having a third. Feel v sad about it.

Don't know whether to suck it up and work through the tough first few years or be sensible and take the easier route.

WelliesAndPyjamas Wed 27-Jan-16 21:19:58

OP if you can't stop thinking about, you might just have to do it and things will just settle in to place.

I love having 3, they make us so happy and care for each so much, despite being a bit spread out in ages. We had ds1 unplanned mid career etc and he was a high energy baby and toddler took years off me and tbh we didn't think we wanted more for a long time. Then we mellowed, got broody, had another who was such a delightful smiley chilled out little dude that we both knew we wanted another one. Three feels 'right', I know we're complete, if outnumbered (I swear someone must have based that sitcom on us, the characters are all spot on!). I did have a sterilisation done at the same time as the last c-section though, just to eliminate the temptation boring but sensible

thenewaveragebear1983 Wed 27-Jan-16 21:22:38

3 here, although dd is 12 and Ds are 3 yo and 4 months. Ds2 (3rd baby) was the hardest physically but the nicest emotionally. My body won't recover from this last pregnancy, my back is wrecked, pregnancy was very hard. First weeks were hard with a reflux baby , but now he is the most easy going, placid boy. Very sad that he is definitely the last, but I don't think I can cope with another pregnancy plus I don't think we'll ever have sex again

GreenRug Wed 27-Jan-16 21:23:40

I have 3, all still very young. I always wanted four. Then I had my first, laughed uproariously at the very concept of having two. Had my second and laughed even harder (with a bit less gusto as was on my knees with exhaustion, obvs smile ). No way on earth was I having three. Madam Three came along as a huge surprise and DH and I are muddling through, but honestly? It's the hardest fucking thing I've ever done. Worth it, yes of course, she's a devil in disguise but still gets me every time I see her chubby chops waddling towards me. I highly recommend it!

SansaClegane Wed 27-Jan-16 21:27:38

Mine are now 2, 4 and 6 and I love having three most of the time.
It's weird but only when DC3 arrived did I feel that our family was complete; that there was enough chaos and noise in the house (I'm mad, aren't I?). They all get on very well and I love how DC2 bridges the gap between the eldest and the youngest, so they all play together. Fairly even spacing though the older 2 are slightly closer together, for us this works well, but then I think whatever you end up with will work for you!
It sounds like you can't shake off the idea of a third, so I say go for it! I do think you'd regret it otherwise.

caitlinohara Wed 27-Jan-16 21:35:05

Just to give you the other perspective - I have three and elder two were almost 5 and almost 3 when ds3 was born, and remember in the first few days after ds3 was born thinking "omg, what have we done?" I felt so guilty for turning all our lives upside down just when things were beginning to settle down. If I'm honest, I still do feel that way sometimes. I expected another easygoing one like ds2 but it hasn't been that way at all! It's also much harder to arrange special time with each child individually when you have three, and I think that's really important and something we do struggle with. It's also harder to get childcare for three - my parents would always have the older two to stay overnight from time to time, but asking them to look after three overnight is a bit much at their age. It very much depends on what sort of family you are though and some people just seem to take it in their stride!

NickyEds Thu 28-Jan-16 14:42:23

We have a just turned 2 year old ds and a 6 month old dd. I've always wanted three. Dp isn't convinced. My sister has three very close together, there's a big age gap between us and she started a bit younger than me so hers are now 16, 17 and 18. She obviously adores her kids and wouldn't have it any other way but doesn't give a completely ringing endorsement of having three! I suppose my main issues are;
-Cost. It would delay me returning to work, and seriously limit work in general with the cost of childcare.Three sets of Christmas presents, birthday presents, school trips etc. At one point my sister was paying £40 a week on music lessons alone. Feeding three teenagers is very expensive.
-The world seems to be set up for 2 adults, 2 children, holidays, houses and cars.
-Help. I don't really have any. My sister will babysit very occasionally but I don't have any regular family help.
-Pregnancy- I found being pregnant with a toddler hard, doing it with two....
-Our relationship- It's taking the strain a bit tbh.
-Twins- Bloody hell!
-No individual time to spend with them.

These are really valid and my head says no....but i don't feel "done". I think I'll feel sad if I don't have another baby but it might just have to be something I can't have. I'm very lucky with my two babies.
We now have three enormous bags of clothes in newborn, 0-3 and 3-6 month sizes. There's talk of a table top sale which makes my heart ache just a bit.

wigglesrock Thu 28-Jan-16 16:15:22

I didn't really agonise over it, I always wanted three (my husband is one of 3, I'm the eldest of 2). We have 2 years 4 months between the first two, then 3 years 4 months between dd2 and dd3. At the minute they're 10, 8 and almost 5. Dd3 fitted in, she had to, my husband is a shift worker so she just came along on school runs, usually kid stuff. I personally find it easier to have one on one time now, if I do something with one of the kids there's two left to go to my mums/ head to park, go out with their Dad - no-one is left on their own. They bicker and wind each other up but its diluted, it doesn't seem to be as intense as when I remember bickering with my sibling.

Sleepwise - my dd2 was my very poor sleeper, so any sleep with dd3 was a bonus grin, our social lives didn't really change with 3. Our social life is limited anyway with my husbands hours, we tend to go out on occasion seperately and that didn't change. Financially - we were always skint anyway - we didn't need to move or change cars or anything.

MoonHare Sat 30-Jan-16 09:41:42

Listen to your heart. Other people's experiences are interesting but ultimately it's your choice. My experience of 3 is great. Just the right balance of fun and chaos. Can't imagine no.3 not being here. Love that my children are their own gang. I listened to my heart and don't regret it.

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