Advanced search

What's for lunch today? Take inspiration from Mumsnetters' tried-and-tested recipes in our Top Bananas! cookbook - now under £10

Find out more

Don't think teacher likes my toddler

(26 Posts)
StellaB1 Wed 27-Jan-16 09:16:43

My 18 month old started play school in January and I don't think his teacher likes him 😢
He is REALLY ENERGETIC but also the funniest sweetest most adorable little hug monster.
We live overseas and the class seemed perfect, small, run by a British lady with 20 years experience in her home 2 mornings a week for 3 hours. The only other option would be one of the large daycare places that really don't appeal to me.
He seems happy there but the teacher never seems that happy to see us. She is really sweet to the other kids but has little to say to ds. When I collect him she just says things like 'you deserve a medal'. At the moment he is having a hard time with other kids toys and wants to take what eve he sees other kids playing with. We are working with him but I would think that is normal for kids his age. She also comments always that he never sits down. But he is also very sociable and brave and never cries etc when I leave.
Every day I wait around at drop off and again at pick up for her to say hi/bye to him as she greets all the other kids with a big smile.
Sorry for rambling, I'm just so sad today that I'm sending him to someone that I don't think likes him. I know that will happen in the big bad world, but it shouldn't happen to a little baby 😥
I really don't want to take him out of the class because it is so important for him to socialize with kids his age
Has anyone else been in a similar position?

Pandopops Wed 27-Jan-16 09:21:26

Is there another one nearby? I would move him & tell her why.

Pandopops Wed 27-Jan-16 09:24:46

He might like the bigger one a lot more, she sounds horrible.

My parting question would be " did he ever do anything right for you"

sootica Wed 27-Jan-16 09:28:05

I don't think an 18 month old needs to socialise away from you although you may appreciate a break. High spiritedness 18 month old may well be a nightmare in a group situation - I think 18 months is pretty early for a play school - maybe try again when he's a bit older or try another setting maybe more of a childminder set up if you need some childcare

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark Wed 27-Jan-16 09:30:13

Children of that age are not yet old enough to get sharing, though of course it's the perfect age for them to start learning.

What kind of qualification does this woman have?

That would be my first concern tbh. It sounds a bit casual.

LemonBreeland Wed 27-Jan-16 09:32:35

Is there a reason that he is going to this playshool? Is it for childcare purposes, or just for socialisation? If you don't need him to go for child care I would remove him from there.

Even if you do need childcare, I would look at alternatives.

MaisieDotes Wed 27-Jan-16 09:35:36

18 months is a bit young for this sort of setting.

Is there any stay and play type places that you could bring him instead?

The "deserve a medal" comments would really irk me tbh. Either there was an issue that needs to be discussed or there wasn't. Vague PA comments about medals are not on.

Pollyputhtekettleon Wed 27-Jan-16 09:44:40

Next time she says something that is a veiled negative comment say to her 'I get the impression you don't like our son much. Is there something you think we should be doing differently? ' and see how she reacts. That should tell you everything you need to know. She should be ashamed. At best she is very unprofessional to let her feelings show.

StellaB1 Wed 27-Jan-16 09:56:23

Thanks for your responses ladies.
Yes it is probably a bit young. If I'm totally honest, as much as I think it is good for ds, the break is really good for me too. He is very full on and it's really nice to be able to do some house work or go to the supermarket (not to mention the joy of going for coffee and reading a magazine)!
Polly I did sort if do that this morning in response to the you deserve a medal comment. I said 'oh no, you are making me feel like there is something wrong with him' and gave him a protective cuddle. She then tried to make light of it.
I don't want to rush into taking him out so considering asking her for a chat and putting it to her that if she doesn't want him in the class she needs to let me know and see what her response is.
I guess I was afraid that she might say to take him out, but might be for the best.
The worst part is it's making me worry so much about him having a future where he is the naughty boy in the class when he gets to school age just because he has a lot of energy

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 27-Jan-16 09:58:59

i wouldn't take those comments as meaning she doesn't like him at all?

It sounds like just a joky comment because he is energetic.

I don't think standard toddler issues with sharing would make someone who works with kids dislike an 18 month old.

I deserve a medal for keeping up with DD, still love her to bits.

squizita Wed 27-Jan-16 13:22:41

Agree with PP.

I have an utterly hyper 16 month old. Her daycare are OFSTED outstanding and their take on a similar sounding child is still jokey but much more positive/warm eg "She'll eat well tonight! Lots of exploring!" etc.
When I go in and see her grab at stuff they reassure me it's the nature of the age and she's "just learning". They show her how to be "gentle" and praise her for doing socially useful things like waving, offering, touching gently.

Your lady doesn't seem to be familiar with your average toddler for all her experience.

StellaB1 Wed 27-Jan-16 17:15:56

Thanks for all the words of wisdom. I've had lots of tears and a long chat with dh. His opinion is that I need to go with my instinct and if I'm not happy take him out.
I just have to decide if I will just txt her to say it isn't working for us or if I have the guts to meet up face to face and tell her what has lead me to this point. I'm sure she won't care either way, I just hate the thought of slinking away and not standing my ground confused

99percentchocolate Wed 27-Jan-16 17:28:12

She doesn't sound like a pleasant person at all. I would trust your instincts, but if pulling him out tell her that you get the impression she doesn't like him. She'll probably understand what you mean without you needing to provide examples.
As for the future - I used to wonder this about my DD. she was exactly like your little boy - would run into new situations without a backward glance, never sat down, always on the move. I lost track of how many baby/toddler groups I never went back to. Fast forward a couple of years and she is very well liked by her teachers (who have said they wish they had more like her), she is friends with all of the children in her class, and she brings joy to everyone with her bubbly and naturally happy nature (only a little bit of bias talking there!). Your Ds will be fine. Although it's exhausting at the moment, he has all the characteristics of being a happy, fun little boy who is a pleasure to be around. star

StellaB1 Wed 27-Jan-16 17:42:48

Thanks 99, that's so nice to hear

squizita Wed 27-Jan-16 19:53:56

My dd ran into the toilets today, turned on the tap and "washed" hee key worker and herself vigorously. Came home in the jumper of shame (the one with NURSERY PROPERTY sharpied on the front).
Thank goodness they find her Cute!
It's seriously just how kids are at that age.

waterrat Thu 28-Jan-16 21:05:26

Trust your instinct. I would only leave an 18 month old with someone who genuinely cared for them.

MiscellaneousAssortment Sun 31-Jan-16 17:35:06

If she views normal 18 mth old behavior as some kind of flaw, then she shouldn't be including them in her play group.

Try another and don't take it personally, as others have said, 18mth olds are going through a developmental stage, don't worry about it, he won't be the same forever smile

Marcipex Sun 31-Jan-16 17:42:53

She sounds both mean and ignorant. She obviously has no idea of how toddlers behave. What is her qualification? I'd like to know.( I work in Early Years.)

KP86 Sun 31-Jan-16 17:58:21

18 months is too young for child care? Tell that to the parents who have no choice but to send their children to care from 6-12 weeks. You are allowed to send him, even if it's just to give yourself a break. You never know, being around other small children might help your DS to learn how to sit quietly when appropriate, and generally settle down a bit. I think it's also good for children to learn to listen to other adults.

It seems like he may be a bit of a handful for her, but that's not your fault. Some kids are very energetic and exhausting to parent and look after. Just the way they are built.

insancerre Sun 31-Jan-16 18:03:42

Book an appointment and go at look at the other daycare options
A bigger place will have more adults and more children his own age. It might be more suitable for him as they will be used to children if his age
You shouldn't really dismiss the other options till you've seen them

Marcipex Sun 31-Jan-16 18:05:23

I suggest you visit the bigger nurseries in your area. Ask for a trial session.
Most big settings will have age divisions and toddler areas...they may have much more space to play, as well as more realistic expectations.

BackforGood Sun 31-Jan-16 18:09:52

I'm a big believer in trusting your instinct, but I wouldn't see "You deserve a medal" as an indication she didn't like him. People used to say this to me quite regularly when ds was little - I was quite reassured by it, as it meant that he was more full on than many a toddler, and it wasn't just me who found him hard work.
18months is very young for a playgroup setting though, I wouldn't expect a child to start at playgroup until they were at least another year older.

waterrat Sun 31-Jan-16 18:39:32

And of course it's not too young !! Just find childcare you feel comfortable with

ThirtyNineWeeks Sun 31-Jan-16 19:55:45

Why is he in childcare? He's 18 months old and you, presumably, don't work? A baby this age does not 'need' to 'socialise'. He sounds a handful (natural) and you a tad PFB.

knittingbee Sun 31-Jan-16 20:10:54

Wow ThirtyNineWeeks, did you mean that to sound so harsh?

OP, I've had to leave my kids in childcare to go back to work at nine months. I put DC1 into a nursery much like the setting you describe, with an owner much as you describe, although she was downright rude to me on occasion. I wish I'd trusted my instinct and pulled him out after the first week. Instead, he was there for three months before I plucked up the courage to confront her and take him out. He's now with a lovely childminder who takes her charges out all day long, running round the forest or beach or wherever. DC2 went straight there when I returned to work the second time.

If your gut feeling isn't positive, look at other options.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: