Getting rid of the dummy

[gutzgutz]

Need tips! Ds2 was a terrible sleeper and whilst I'm not a fan of them, a dummy really saved our sanity at 5 months.

Fast forward 2.5 years later and DS2 (just 3) is still very attached to it. He doesn't have it at all out and about but we're a bit slack at home especially when he's tired (no naps, early riser).

The dentist has said it is affecting his teeth. He's a chatterbox, no speech delay. If he talks with it in, we tell him to take it out.

So, do we go cold turkey (dummy fairy etc), do we get strict about only at night or do we let him take the lead? He also has a blanket which he drags about (a la Charlie Brown). DS1 voluntarily gave up his fingers and his blanket without our involvement age 5, so I'm wondering if we're being mean to take away a comfort when he's still small......

Please give me your thoughts, tips and experiences.

[Luckygirlcharlie]

Hitching a lift with you! DS1 is a total dummy addict and DS2 is due in a few weeks and I'm not sure whether to try him without! DS1 had silent reflux and dummies were great. All fine now but still needs one in mouth and one in each hand at bedtime! Also still has them in the day though we are trying to get stricter on that.

[moggle]

I'm a wuss and would try the gentler approach first... can you talk casually about how dummies are for babies? Commenting when you see a little baby with a dummy etc.... And about how once he's a big boy he won't want it any more? While not actually talking about taking it away.
And could you say dummies are to be kept in the bedroom so if he wants his dummy he has to go upstairs to his room (and maybe be bored?).
Hopefully that'll eventually lead him to think that maybe he can do without it... and if he still has his blanket that will provide him enough comfort at night etc...

I haven't been through it myself as DD is only 14mo but she loves her dummies so much, I have already been thinking about it as I'm sure it'll be a battle if we try to take them off her before she's ready.

[OliviaDunham]

My DS1 have his to Santa in exchange for his presents at 2.5 years, we hung them on the tree and that was it. Sure you could adapt it.

[youlemming]

We used the dummy fairy at around the same age and it worked well, DD1 was only using it at naps and night time so slightly different.
The dummy fairy left a lovely hand written and decorated letter that we read to her and she accepted it.

She still has 3 musslins in bed with her at night and she's now 5 but as there is no impact on her physically like teeth with a dummy I'm not fussed with taking those away.

[Diddlydokey]

I'm horrible. They'd all go in the bin, no saving any for emergencies. I'd do it first thing Saturday morning (or whenever you don't have work the next day).

[Shakey15000]

I'd do cold turkey. We were lucky that we took it off DS at 10 months. He had a cold and found it hard to breathe with it in anyway. So got rid before any massive attachment. But seeing as it's affecting the teeth, then the sooner the better.

[SaggingTits]

I was shitting myself worrying about getting the dummy from ds (at same age). Took the gentle approach and spent a few weeks talking about how dummies are for babies, the dummy fairy takes them to give to little babies etc. Then we got rid of them.

Your ds may surprise you. Mine did, didn't fuss at all but did ask occasionally. Do you know of any babies being born that you can say will 'need dummies'? Or he can leave them for a fairy and get a present

[gutzgutz]

Thanks all. I think we'll go for the gentle approach and then maybe do an experimental removal. I can't bring myself to chuck them just yet which surprises me as I am usually quite tough! But the fuss this child can kick up about minor things make me nervous! I'll get his big brother on board with the dummies are for babies thing.

[Follyfoot]

Have you read him the last noo noo by Jill Murphy. Its a brilliant book and it might just help...

[Cachareltastic]

I was about to start a thread about this and thought to check if there was another running.

My DD is just 3 yo, we have just moved house in last couple of weeks and potty training. I feel that I need to leave the Dummy issue for a few weeks, to let her settle in to new house and get better at toilet training but we do need to get rid of the dummy as its affecting her teeth.

I am thinking of talking about how Dummies are for babies and then do the Dummy fairy, thinking of leaving a note from the Dummy fairy and a gift (maybe a Balloon, here there is a shop that does a lovely Frozen Helium set).

I am worried about how much broken sleep/sleep refusal this may cause and I am knackered from house move and been ill.

[gutzgutz]

I have ordered the book so will report back. I am also worried about potential broken sleep (or worse than it is already!)

[uhoh2016]

I told my ds (he was similar age) that he'd lost his last dummy whilst we were out, the 1st night getting him to sleep waa tough but after that he just accepted it. I think I found it harder to bin his dummy than he did to go without it

[FATEdestiny]

Here's what I'd do. Firstly minimise your number of dummies to 2 or 3 (if you have loads).

• Make a "dummy is only in bedroom" rule. This can be anytime. No time restrictions. But if he wants dummy, he has to go play in his room. Dummy is never allowed out of his bedroom, ever.

• Give it a few weeks to establish then introduce a "dummy is only for sleep time" rule. Hide dummies in the morning and give back once in bed (not bedtime, when in bed). Any requests for a dummy are met with "Shall we do bedtime then? You can have dummy when you go to bed. We can do bedtime now if you are ready"

• Give it a few weeks then start removing the dummy from his cot/bed when you go to bed so that it's not there when he wakes up.

While all this is going on establish the dummies are for babies negativity around dummies. Negative associations, negative things about the dummy.

Then.... (this is what we did)

• Go through Argos catalogue with child and find something he'd like (we had a £20 budget for this). Suggest - "I'll buy you that if you can go 2 weeks without using your dummy". Then nothing more. No pressure, no suggestion he gives up his dummies now. Just set the idea.

• Make a 2 week sticker chart (together?) and choose 14 special stickers for it. "just for when you are ready to be a big boy...". No suggestion it is for now. Explain that when he's ready and wants to get the special present her saw in Argos, then the sticker chart is ready for him and he just needs to fill all the windows with stickers.

• Stick sticker chart on wall but keep stressing the point that it's just there "for when you are ready to get that special present by now having your dummy"

• Mine have all cracked the same day an asked me if they can stop using their dummy now, to start earning stickers. They ASKED ME if they could do it!

• Explain that the 14 stickers must be 14 days in a row. Are you sure? Are you very sure you want to do this? Try to dissuade child so that you are empowering them with this decision themselves.

• Big fuss and lots of praise with first couple of stickers.

• Any wobbles, any quiet small voice asking for a dummy is met with "Darling, you can have a dummy if you want to. But it will mean you don't get the X (present)". Are you sure? You wont get X if you have a dummy.

• If they insisted then I would give dummy and remove sticker chart from wall and start again another day. This was just a contingency plan though. I have never needed to. The process of making dropping the dummy a choice for the child to make (alongside blatent bribery) has been enough for all of my children.