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A mother's love

(7 Posts)
Dappy28 Mon 25-Jan-16 20:02:14

Im 30 years old, lost my mum 5 years ago who i was extremely close to. Since then i have got married and had 2 children. I loved her so much and appreciated everything she did for me but it's only since i have had my own children (3 +1) that I truely understand what motherhood is like. Its now i realise all the sacrifices she made and I can't say thank you to he and really mean it.
I remember when i moved out and she was crying her eyes out and I just laughed it off saying she was being daft as I would still come round every day (which I did). I didnt take a minute to think that i was the last of 4 to leave home, that she had sacrificed her career to spend every day with me and siblings for over 20 years and live off dads wage alone, she did everything for us, above and beyond and I walked out the door like i was staying at a friends for a night. My children havent even started school and the thought of them leaving home fills me with sadness.
Thats just one example but the older I get the more guilt I am feeling. I just wish i had been a mother while I still had my mother if only to tell her thank you

Gillian1980 Mon 25-Jan-16 21:04:14

Your post really resonated with me as I've been having similar feelings lately. I lost my mum many years ago but I've felt a whole new wave of grief since having my own DD as I can finally appreciate all she went through as a mother. Also, how she may have felt knowing she wouldn't see me get married, have kids etc etc and how much that must have pained her; as it pains me if I imagine myself not seeing my dd's life unfold.

I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom, but you are not alone.

ssd Mon 25-Jan-16 21:09:57

I understand what you both mean. I lost my mum 3 years ago and although I had kids, there was years when I just looked after her and didnt ask her stuff I'd die to know now.

My dad never met ds2, it really hurts.

I'm sorry, I have no answers either, I try and bury my hurt but its always there and I dont think it'll ever go.

Dappy28 Mon 25-Jan-16 21:26:45

Thank you, i dont need any words of wisdom. Its comforting knowing that others feel the same (not that i wish others feel this grief).
From 18-24 i spent so much time going travelling and with friends . . . If i knew what was to come i would have done things so differently. Even though she never got to meet my two children i often think i'd love her to see all the different milestones DC are going through. . . And its painful that DM missed out on DCs and DCs have missed out on having fantastic, inspiring woman in their lives.
With grief people say 'it gets easier with time'. Its easier in the way you learn to cope and function without breaking down crying 24/7 but the pain is still always there.

peggyundercrackers Mon 25-Jan-16 21:27:13

I don't think you should feel guilty. You don't know these things until you have your own children and even at that these feelings come with age and maturity.

I still have my mother and father but feel exactly the same as you do and think the same as you. I feel guilty for the things they done without when we were growing up, there are no words and nothing I could do to truly show my gratitude to both my parents.

We aren't married but I keep thinking we should make an effort to get married because I know it's one thing which would make her happier for both us and the children - we do want to get married but keeping putting it off for no particular reason and it really would kill me to think she couldn't see it happen.

ssd Tue 26-Jan-16 08:01:23

the pain is always there dappy28, I agree. people that say it gets easier have never lost someone they miss to the point it affects them to their core. I dont think many people affect us that much, but like you, my losing my mum did. The unanswered questions always hang there and the void is never filled.

thanks

baffledmummy Tue 26-Jan-16 08:55:25

I understand completely.

My DM died unexpectedly in June last year...6 weeks before the birth of my first child. My DD has brought so much joy but it is so bittersweet as I would give anything to have had my mum with me through it all.

I completely agree that it is not until you have your own child that you appreciate what your mother did for you and despite the fact that we were very close, I still feel I never showed her as much appreciation as she deserved.

These last 6 months have been so hard - I know my mum would have delighted in my DD and I know she would have, in her usual selfless style, done all that she could to help me through the difficult times.

I miss her. flowers for you OP and everyone else on this thread. We can console ourselves with the thought that we were so lucky to have these amazing women in our lives at all - others are not so lucky.

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