I am in a same sex relationship, I only mention this so it makes sense when I refer to my OH as 'her' but that I carried our baby.
We were blessed last October with our first and likely only child after 4years of trying via IVF. My MIL has been too involved for me right from the moment we found out we were pregnant. In the early days of pregnancy we asked everyone to not buy anything without checking with us first as we had specific things we wanted and only a small flat, but this didn't stop her and many of the larger bits ended up forced on us.
When LO was born MIL was away on holiday so we got a few days to appreciate our son in peace but as soon as she returned she wanted to come round every 2-3 days, would invite herself and stay for hours. Even when politely asked to leave she would argue the case to stay and my OH was too polite to push which left me having to fight the case and be bad cop.
She doesn't come around ours unless invited now but my OH now feels an obligation to go to hers at least weekly (she only 20min up road). This is largely because she doesn't see her other grandkids as often as she used to and it feels like we are expected to fill the gap. MIL has even phoned OH complaining she hasn't seen LO in 'ages' - (a week) - then I get a call from OH at work asking if i can go round so MIL can see LO. When we / I go around MIL is very overbearing and hovering to have holds or wants to do all the nappy changes and be the one to get him to sleep.
Nanny is now asking OH when she can have LO overnight. He is only 3months old and the excuse so far has been down to me breastfeeding but we are weaning over to formula and OH has said possibly when he on formula 100%. But I'm not comfortable with this. I don't want LO away from us unless a necessity until he is much older (2or even 3 years) and talking. On top of this my MIL shares 3 bed house with two other family members and their partners so there is no room for us to stay with him and on top of that all 5 of them smoke but don't see this as an issue as the other grandkids used to stay all the time as babies.
Big rant but my main problems are these:
-- Nanny seems to think she has a right to have our son overnight, especially as she had her other grandchildren overnight when they were babies.
-- My OH sides more with her mum and thinks I'm being a neurotic mother and have a problem with her mum - but I wouldn't want him staying at my mums either right now without me.
-- All of my OH family live in the same city as us and I feel ganged up on when I try to put my point across, all my family are at least an hour away. It's clear my OH isn't prepared to stand up for my point of view. I do have a good relationship with my MIL, mostly down to my own patience, so how do I get my point across without appearing rude?
-- am I being unreasonable by insisting baby does not do overnights elsewhere?
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Nanny wants LO overnight but I'm not ready
34 replies
HMF2016 · 21/01/2016 13:58
OP posts:
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