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I really want another baby but dh doesnt - opinions needed

(8 Posts)
lozwil Thu 21-Jan-16 12:45:10

I had a mc then the following month we conceived ds who is now 5.5 yrs, dh didn't take to been a dad at first and we nearly split. He has been a brilliant dad and husband after a year long blip and at xmas 14 he said we should ttc.

I fell pregnant in May but unfortunately at out 12 week scan we found there was no heartbeat and baby had died at around 11 weeks we were both heart broken, which wasn't helped by the fact I ended up having and emergency ercp and loosing a litre of blood.

I am now having investigations for health issues that have arisen since so far the conclusion is my hormones are a bit crazy which are causing migranes and palpatations.

I am hoping to get the all clear in the nxt couple of months and then assumed we would ttc again.

Dh is now saying that he doesn't want to and is happy to stick at one he doesn't want to risk my health or risk something going wrong ds was really small 5lb 6oz at 40 weeks but perfect. I understand where he is coming from I don't want to risk my health any further as I want to be there for ds and I understand that there will b a big age gap but I was an only child and was lonely although we spend much more time with ds than I did with my parents.

I am almost 34 and I cannot see me not having another one but don't want to force dh into something that would make him unhappy. We still have all ds baby toys and equipment in the loft and we still have nursery decorated it is heartbreaking but we need to agree as if no more babies I need to get rid of all stuff as I can't think about it all being here or go in the room without crying. sad

CocktailQueen Thu 21-Jan-16 12:48:07

You can understand your dh's reasoning.

Was there any reason for ds being small? Could you talk to your gp about the risks involved in another pg for you?

ShesGotLionsInHerHeart Thu 21-Jan-16 12:48:16

Oh that's a really difficult one. sad

Ultimately, the person who says no sort of has to get their way; you can't make someone want, care for, or love a child.

Choices as I see it are to stick with one, leave him and find someone else to have a second child with, or perhaps some sort of couples counselling so that you can work out if it's really that he doesn't want another baby, or it's concern for you that is swaying him.

MaryRobinson Thu 21-Jan-16 12:50:11

What contraception are you using, because I would be damned before I would be on the pill to convenience someone else whilst I wanted a baby.

Would he come to a concert consultant appointment to hear you get an all clear so that you can explicitly ask whether a pregnancy would be any higher risk than normal.

lozwil Thu 21-Jan-16 12:55:46

Thanks for your opinions.

No reason for ds being small he was small all the way through pg but grew consistently only had one extra scan and they didn't do any other checks on placenta as 5lb 5oz is cut off for this, he is still small but so am I.

He will come to the appointment with me but he just doesn't want to listen to anyone else he is happy as a three and wants to stay that way he has one brother who is a bit of a nightmare so doesn't see the point thinks only children are fine as it's better than having a sibling that you are responsible for.

I thought about leaving but couldn't as I don't want to really amd couldn't take ds away from his dad just cos I am being selfish, it is soooooo hard

lozwil Thu 21-Jan-16 12:57:33

Ooooohhh and I am not the pill as was taken off it cos of all investigations etc. He would quite happily have the snip, in fact dr has sent chose and book form for him to do it, he just hasn't yet

frankiebuns Thu 21-Jan-16 16:15:54

This was us 21 months ago ds is 5 hfa and hubby was really against a 2nd he was an only child i have a brother and so wanted another we talked about it and wrote down pros and cons and he relented 6 months later the pregnancy nearly killed us both and the c section was horrendous but he agrees now 2 is best! Althiugh he wont say i was right

lozwil Thu 21-Jan-16 16:49:19

Frankie thanks for that, I might try that idea the only times we have talked have ended up either me crying or him shouting. I am glad u got your way in the end and got your happy ending (even if it was a bit bumpy on the way).

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