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Is it wrong to leave your baby to cry?

9 replies

TiredMummy2015 · 18/01/2016 13:58

My young baby cries, well screams, ALL the time! She just wants to be held 24/7. I'm having to co- sleep which I wouldn't choose to do as I don't sleep well or comfortably myself with her next to me but it's the only thing she will accept.
She will scream unless I'm holding or rocking her all day long. She will fall asleep in the bouncy chair but wake as soon as I stop bouncing her. She screams in the swing, in the crib, on the playmat. There is nothing wrong with her and she stops the second I pick her up.

She even screams in the pram and if I can't sling her I end up carrying her and pushing an empty pram! It's really starting to become impossible as I also have a toddler to care for and sometimes I just need a few minutes to have a see. I even have to hold her while eating my meals. It's all a bit much. I've started leaving her to just scream but I feel guilty. It's only for five minutes while I make some lunch or hang out the washing. I feel so bad and wonder what the neighbours must think!

Please remind me that this doesn't last!

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kd83 · 18/01/2016 14:35

How old is she?

I don't think it is necessarily wrong to let her cry. If she is fed, changed, not ill or hurt, and basically just being demanding she might learn that you are still there and she is ok even if you are not directly holding her.

I did sleep training with my first at 9 months and while it was horrible for the first few days he did quickly get the hang of it (I know its not quite the same thing you are experiencing).

I feel for you, and it will pass, even the screamiest of babies grow out of it.

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Diddlydokey · 18/01/2016 14:37

For 5 minutes when you must, no problem. She will probably grow out of it when she's mobile. DS was similar and I often would get him strapped in the pushchair and quickly finish getting ready to go out - it was taking me so long trying to sooth him and get ready to leave at the same time.

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Fugghetaboutit · 18/01/2016 14:41

Haas she got reflux?

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TiredMummy2015 · 18/01/2016 15:04

Only 9 weeks hence why I feel so bad. I just cannot hold her all day and still eat or care for my other child.

I don't think she has reflux as she is fine on her back if it's on my lap or cuddled under my arm. It's literally like she can't stand to not be touching me. Quite sweet really but it makes it so stressful if I need to nip for the loo or do anything that requires 2 hands.

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ODog · 18/01/2016 15:25

My DS was exactly the same as this. It's very normal for babies to want to be held literally all the time (Google the fourth trimester) but if you have a toddler then sometimes she will have to cry for a short while. I would get myself a good sling (get to a local sling library) and basically let her live in it for a bit.

I have DC2 due in May when DS will be almost two. If DC2 is another Velcro one then she will have to live in the sling for a bit.

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Topsy34 · 18/01/2016 15:43

Defo get a good sling, god sen imo.

My ds is 9 weeks too and have lots of days like that, when he is asleep in my arms, i relax so he is on my lap, but an arm under his head still, then move him to a big firmish bean bag or cushion, keeping my hand under him, then move my hand from there to his tummy with enough pressure from him to feel it. Then move that hand away. Takes a while but got me an hour this morning.

A few minutes crying to tend to you other child is ok, just not too long

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TiredMummy2015 · 18/01/2016 17:05

I have a doing but some things are just not possible with it in. It does limit your movement. I cooked with it on the other day but it just felt unsafe.

She gets so upset with no build up whatsoever. It's silence to screaming sobs with no in between. Sounds as though she is being tortured! They stop the minute I pick her up with a few sighs and sobs as she composes herself. Then big smiles as she has what she wants. Cheeky!

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Starbores · 18/01/2016 17:12

I wouldn't class it as leaving her cry, reading your title I thought you meant cry it out or something.

I have twins and used to nearly wet myself as I hated them crying but I finally realised there's nothing wrong with them and sometimes you just need 5 minutes to have a wee or make a drink.

Could you use the sling around the house? This is what I would of done if I had 1 baby.