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Please reassure me that I will cope with a 3.5 yr old and newborn?

(22 Posts)
milkyman Mon 18-Jan-16 09:00:48

Had a tough time first time round - terrible birth, no sleep for months etc .. have 10 weeks to go and i am terrified! Have lovely dh but he works long hours. I will prob have c section. Please reassure me - is 3.5 a good age gap? Ds will be in nursery 2 days a week.

Jenijena Mon 18-Jan-16 09:02:25

I'm hoping so, as I'm in nearly exactly the same position. DS will be 3.10 in 10 weeks time, when my due date is...

Peanutbutternutter419 Mon 18-Jan-16 10:29:27

No advice I'm afraid but just wanted to also add that I am in the same situation as you. My dc1 will be nearly 3.4 when dc2 is due and although he is a star, I can't help but feel a little anxious! He will be at preschool for 3 short days a week but like you my DH works a lot and as he is SE, won't be taking much more than a weeks leave.
Also had terrible birth and DS still doesn't sleep!
Sorry no help, just here to chat if you need to!

BeaufortBelle Mon 18-Jan-16 10:45:30

Well I had three years five months. Not what we planned. Horrid time first time round followed by PND. DD arrived, I was soo worried because DS had had all my attention. He looked in the bassinet, announced "a boy would have been better" and thereafter was as good as gold. We had a lit of easy meals, we upped his nursery by a couple of sessions (3 mornings to four with a,9.30-3.30 session once a week). I remained well, ably assisted by Thomas the Tank and Rosie & Jim at feeding time. Much better birth which was very cathartic.

Just focus on feeding everyone, doing the washing and cuddling with a bit of fresh air thrown in.

It was a fab gap actually - diluted competition and enhanced mutual fondness.

Good luck - enjoy x

BeaufortBelle Mon 18-Jan-16 10:51:12

Oh, mine are 17 and 21 now and other benefits have been avoiding the double whammy of GCSEs and ALevelscat the same time and not having to maintain two at uni fir an overlap year.

Amiatotalmug Mon 18-Jan-16 13:30:05

U will be fine, I promise! I've got a 18 month age gap and I'm 6 weeks old and it's a lot easier and more enjoyable than I thought. I too found no1 difficult and sleep deprivation was torture (still going through that with no1 unfortunately). But my 2nd child is night and day to my 1st, for starters he likes sleep!

I would say take each day one at a time & try to be organised the night before so u aren't panicking in the morning. The good thing is your 3.5 year old will be able to "help" u in terms of bringing u nappies etc.

I honestly was terrified my whole pregnancy, was actually quite down as everyone told me 1-2 is really hard and my life would be awful. But for me personally 0-1 was way way worse!

Make sure u cut yourself some slack, try not to feel guilty about the arrival of no2 (I felt so bad for ds 1 for the 1st couple of weeks!) and rest when u can smile

Oh and go to bed when your 1st does so u get some rest and get your other half to look after the newborn- that's the only way I survive lol

swashbucklecheer Mon 18-Jan-16 13:36:36

My ds1 was 3 and 9mths when ds2 arrived. He has been a fantastic help. He can fetch bibs or put nappies in the bin and generally entertain ds2 while I nip to the loo or something like that. We did have a bit of a struggle at the start as ds2 was failing to thrive and as much of my focus was on ds2, i had to make sure ds1 had some attention from me too. He was happy sitting on the sofa beside me while I fed ds2 and read ds1 a story at the same time.

GraciesMansion Mon 18-Jan-16 13:44:27

I had exactly that age gap and it worked beautifully. Ds was old enough to not need me immediately all the time, he could wait a few minutes if he had to. He went to nursery every morning and then came home and had a nap every afternoon, we fell into a fabulous routine! I was on maternity leave when he started nursery so that helped with the transition too. They're also close enough in age to want to do similar things. I couldn't have coped with a smaller age gap I don't think.

trilbydoll Mon 18-Jan-16 13:45:55

We've got a 2y gap. DD1 is 2y8m now and I think this would be quite a good gap, she can and does play independently for a decent stretch of time, she can likes to help by getting bowls / plates out of the cupboard and she likes giving dd2 a bottle. So although I'm happy with our gap I can see the advantages of a bigger one! The only problem is she thinks she can lift dd2... A newborn would be a prime target!

lilacclery Mon 18-Jan-16 13:51:30

Of course you will cope! For starters you know what you're doing this time aroundgrin
I've the same gap between dd & ds, he's now 2 and still doesn't sleep the entire night but do you what they're great together. I watched them seek each other out at a party yesterday when they could've been playing with others and it was fabulous to watch

AnotherStitchInTime Mon 18-Jan-16 13:55:52

I had a 2.8 year age gap between Dd1 and 2. Dd1 was not in childcare. Also had a emcs, It was fine.

22 months between Dd2 and ds, no childcare, difficult elcs with long recovery. Needed help initially as couldn't do lifting or school run but after 3 weeks much more able.

With lifting, get ds to climb onto steps/chairs/lap rather than you lifting him into the bath etc...

My older 2 loved to help with their younger siblings, Dd1 was particularly helpful in fetching things when Dd1 was born. At 3.5 they understand so much more and can be occupied more easily while you feed baby due to their longer concentration spans. Make things easy for yourself and plan easy meals for the first few weeks on your own, as sandwiches for lunch and quick cook dinners that can be done around a newborns feeding. Try to go out for short walks/trips to shops/local playground each day once you feel able. Your ds can run around and burn off energy, baby will sleep in pram/sling due to motion and it will help your recovery. Use Cbeebies in the afternoon to your advantage and don't feel guilty. Have a box of special toys and puzzles that ds can only play with when you are feeding newborn for long periods/afternoons just before dinner when tired and hungry. Get a wrap sling if you haven't already, useful for that newborn who won't settle, having hands free in the playground to help ds and for breastfeeding on the go.

Scotinoz Mon 18-Jan-16 13:59:05

You'll be fine! I've got a just turned two year and eight month old. We've watched a bit more TV than I'd like, and eaten a few more beige dinners than I'd like but it's all good. And a lot of fun too since both kids get along great and are very funny.

waitingforsomething Mon 18-Jan-16 18:58:15

Of course. Most 3.5 year olds can feed themselves, take themselves to the toilet, sleep most nights, talk. This makes your life infinitely easier - you only have 1 baby and your older child will probably be part time pre-school or nursery.
Dd was 2.8 when DS was born and she could do all of the above and she also liked helping. 6 months in and although we have some tough days we are all fine! Good luck

ExitStageLeft Mon 18-Jan-16 19:39:38

Yes you will totally be fine. We have a 3.1 gap and it's brilliant even though DD was the spawn of Satan for the first 6 months

She's now 17 months and he's 4.7 and they are just perfect. I had an ELCS with DD which was ruddy marvellous but I didn't breastfeed which probably makes things easier in the first few weeks as DH could feed her. You'll be fine!!

milkyman Mon 25-Jan-16 17:08:19

Thanks all - really hoping it will be ok. Finding 3.3 yrs harder than twos!

MiaowTheCat Wed 27-Jan-16 07:56:44

You cope with whatever you end up with. I've got 11 months between my two and had all the horror thoughts about how I'd manage that - but you really just do.

ButtfaceMiscreant Wed 27-Jan-16 08:01:38

You will be magnificent I am sure! Your elder DC is definitely of an age that they can help you (fetch nappies, help bath etc). I have 21 months between DD and DTs, and although difficult at times it is wonderful (I rarely sleep though, nature of breastfeeding twins!).

We have been lucky and experienced no jealousy which has helped a lot, and I get DD to help where I can/she is able. The only difficult I have is getting out with all three (I don't drive but have started learning), and I can't really do much cooking as the kitchen is tiny and so can't have the children in there with me, so evening meal for me and DH is quite late usually. But you adapt to the situation you have, and it will all be fine smile I cannot wait to move to a bigger house, just sad it will be at least a couple of years

LadyCassandra Wed 27-Jan-16 08:15:34

This was our gap. It was ideal, DS1 was able to look after himself and help me, we were over the nappies, buggy and dummy, and he could pass me water when I was feeding!
I found 4 pretty tough, especially with an extremely mobile 6 month old who didn't sleep but the newborn bit was easy. Also, you will make yourself get out for your eldest which will help you get some fresh air!

SerenityReynolds Wed 27-Jan-16 08:36:06

DD1 is 3 this week and DD2 is 8 weeks old. I think the age gap is nice as DD1 is that bit more independent and communication is quite good. We have had a bit more CBeebies than I would like blush but that's also partly to do with rotten weather and dark evenings. I try to get DD1 involved as much as possible "helping mummy" with things. A few good games on the tablet are also a good alternative to TV. Just get your oldest out morning and afternoon and exhaust them!

Feeding has been trickier as DD2 had tongue tie and is a boob monster. I have been much more laid back about giving a bottle a couple of times a day so she will go longer between feeds, as I need to do stuff with her sister. The days DD1 is at nursery, I do a little housework, but mainly take the chance to sleep during baby's naps.

Toomanycats99 Wed 27-Jan-16 08:40:17

I had a 3.10 gap. I found it great. You know you can leave them in same room with no disasters. Oldest can go and grab things for you. And you get a break with nursery / school.

Pollyputhtekettleon Wed 27-Jan-16 09:27:07

I have a 3yr old (last week) a 1.5yr old and a 7 week old. I love the moments when it's just the 3yr old and newborn, so easy compared to when it's the 3. The newborn sleeps while I get to chat and play with the 3yr old and when baby needs me, he's old enough to understand that. So it's really doable. Dobt worry!

AhSureIMightAsWell Wed 27-Jan-16 10:24:29

I have a five month old DS and a 3.5 yo DD. I also had a section. It's fine. Some days I'm confused and others smile mostly it's somewhere in the middle.

It's a nice age gap I think as DD is a bit more independent and goes to nursery 3 hours a day which helps enormously. There's no perfect age gap but you'll make it work.

I would say if you have a CS, can you get lots of help at home for a couple of weeks? You may be a bit sore for a week or so afterwards.

Congratulations thankscake

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