my 2 yr does this. i feel redundant!

[sooty8844]

Hi there. I have a 2 year old that rips pages out of books so we cannot read him bed time stories as he is not interested in them yet.

But ..

When he's sad when we try to console him it just makes him more mad

And some evenings he will just go upstairs and put himself to bed.

He is and will be my only child and I feel so redundant already :( I don't want him to grow up with no interest in his parents and feels like he's started already. Anyone else had this then had diff when they are older?

Thanks x

[0phelia]

Do you mean he goes upstairs and puts himself to bed when he's tired? What are you usually doing when this happens?

Do you have a routine, does he have dinner/bath/story/bedtime in a predictable order every day?

As for tearing pages out of books this is normal. You just need to hold the book yourself.

[sooty8844]

We are just doing our own thing as he stays up quite late so we unwind also. Yes when he's tired he will just go upstairs and put himself to bed, we bath him 4 nights a week so not every night. We don't have a routine for bedtime because sometimes he will come home from play school and nap for 3 hrs. Wake up at 5 then be awake for 4 hrs, so routine goes out the window lol

[sooty8844]

We have tried holding books etc but he just gets bored and gets out of bed lol

[skankingpiglet]

Does he show any sign of being tired before he takes himself off? Can you pre-empt? My 19mo climbs into bed and waits to be tucked in which I think is pretty cute But I like she's independent and encourage it as much as possible. I'm sure he does still need and want you very much. When you say about him being sad, do you mean hurt, frustrated or angry? DD does everything she can herself (and tries to do a lot she can't manage yet), but still comes running the moment she hurts herself or is poorly. However if she's angry and I try to hold her she gets even more worked up. In this situation I try to cuddle her still unless she strikes out and hurts me in which case I walk away. She usually follows after me 30secs or so later and gives me a hug, still sobbing but calmer. It's trial and error as to what works I found.
As for the book problem, this is why DD is currently only allowed board books! I find some days she will let me read them, and some days she just wants to flick through. With the latter I just talk about anything she points out.

[RatOnnaStick]

You let him nap for 3 hours? That's half your problem. I would be reducing that to one and keeping him busy til tea, bath ,bed at a reasonable hour.

2 yr olds thrive on the same routine for bed. It keeps them secure and in control if they know what happens next. Then he might learn to enjoy the stories.

[FreshHorizons]

I think that he is telling you , in a 2yr old way, that he needs a routine. They feel safe and secure when the adult is in charge with a predictable happenings. Eat, bath, calming down session with story and then off to sleep.
Sit him securely on your knee for the story and hold the book yourself- make it all fun so that he really enjoys it.

[sooty8844]

He's so unpredictable tbh, when he has a bath before school days he will not go to bed afterwards, but then comes downstairs with us and instantly crashes on the sofa. And like tonight because he napped, he will stay up till 9, not have a bath, and go from hyper lively to go up stairs and crash out.

He started doing this in the night before when he would wake up doing the night, and if we are still asleep he will play for an hr then put himself back to bed ( we leave a light on in our room so he can see where we are and know its sleep time )

[FreshHorizons]

On no account let him nap for 3 hours in the afternoon! Keep him awake.

[FreshHorizons]

He is running rings around you as you treat him like an adult! You are the adult and he will be much happier if he knows that you are in charge. When he comes downstairs take him back up (again and again if necessary).

[skankingpiglet]

I think you need to get the sleep routine a bit more, well, routiney!
If he needs a nap when he gets in, it needs to be limited (maybe 1/2hr?) as I reckon it's messing with his night sleeping. What time is he going to bed? DD is never allowed to sleep past 3 on the rare occasion we are late with her nap which means she's up for a minimum of 4hrs before bed (normally more like 5 1/2). It totally interferes with night time which is the most important sleep.

[RatOnnaStick]

If you give him no boundaries he doesn't know where to stop does he? Honestly cut the nap. Then you need to be the parent and get firm about bedtime.

[BlackGirlAndRobin]

You need to cut the nap times. Ive found the longer you let them nap during the day the harder it is for them to get to sleep at a decent time. And also hyper/ lively can be a sign of over tiredness.

I find my two go crazy the hour or so before bed and given half a chance they'd stay up till 10. They really fight sleep. So you do need to be firm if you want a routine.

[BlackGirlAndRobin]

YY on the no sleep past 3.

[sooty8844]

Skankingpiglet: Yes it is when he's just angry :)
Ratonnastick: I totally agree about the 3hrs, but from experience if I wake him up he either keeps going back to sleep or screams like the devil incarnate until he crashes again. Food, cuddles, drink, nothing helps my boy if he's just been woken up! Any tips?

I think routine Is prob the issue,I forget how important It is for him. He started play school last Friday, so everything is messed about atm

[RatOnnaStick]

It will settle. Playgroup is a big thing to start. I do think as parents we have be the Big Bad sometimes. Expect there to be tantrums at first and just roll with it til it settles down. Children are resilient little buggers and they adjust to anything given time and lots of No.

[sooty8844]

Thanks guys, it really seems impossible to get him to sleep after a bath, he acts wide awake and either sits up in bed or physically pushes me away when I rub his back, one of his many " send me to sleep moves " but then he comes downstairs and crashes almost instantly! I can see that yes, he's is running rings around us :(

[RatOnnaStick]

Stair gate for the door then.

[FreshHorizons]

When it settles it will get easier. Play school has routines and you need to make your own- 2 year olds are much happier with them.

[skankingpiglet]

Better to wake him and endure the screams for a bit than still having him running around at 9pm though. I don't blame him TBH, I don't like being woken up either but at least I would be able to understand why it was happening, he can't. Being a toddler is very frustrating (for everyone involved). The anger thing is just frustration too. Nothing really to be done about that really except offering hugs when they are needed and understanding

[sooty8844]

His set bed time is 7pm. Sometimes 8. So we try to get his bath done by 6.30. But play school days messes it all up when he comes home at 3 and falls sleep lol.

Thank you guys for your help :) will def start trying to get a routine going.

[skankingpiglet]

Some children find baths stimulating rather than calming. Have you tried moving them to mornings (a PITA I know, but could always do a shower instead)?

[FreshHorizons]

It will be hard at first to keep insisting until they get it.

[sooty8844]

We had to take his gate off because he will just stand there and scream. With no breaks. He could prob go on for hours lol!

[sooty8844]

I noticed tonight he was more active, compared to the nights he had baths, but not sure if that's because of the nap lol

[skankingpiglet]

He may well scream at the gate for the first night, but they are smart little terrors and he'll soon work out it's fruitless. Perhaps go back to resettle using the controlled crying timings and rules?