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when you and your partner have different views

(7 Posts)
littleraysofsunshine Mon 11-Jan-16 16:23:47

How do you manage this?

90% of the time were on the same page. But then others there's so many disagreements and then it's hard to sort it out and then action it for the kids. We're both gentle parents if to use a label. But also we have moments when we disagree on how to teach our children. Or get them to understand something. Sometimes we switch and go the other way too. And it also doesn't help when in laws and their old fashioned ways try to get involved. Saying things like "oh if your being naughty you'll have a smacked bum".... Something we've never done and it's just not the way we want to parent. We want to respect our children's views but also want the balance where they eventually know to respect us and themselves.

littleraysofsunshine Sat 16-Jan-16 09:24:38


Iwonderif Sat 16-Jan-16 09:34:53

Hi, at least 90% of the time you're on the same page. Imagine how much harder it would be if it were 90% of the time you weren't. I can't offer much advice I'm afraid. You sound pretty similar to most parents I know inc me & my DH. You're doing a grand job I'm sure as coming on here to ask opinions you know how important this is. We are fairly gentle too but I know I'm slightly stricter as I'm with the children a great deal more than DH hence often DH can be slightly too soft in my opinion. However when DH disciplines them they "notice" that more too. I've accepted it will be like this because of the dynamics. There have been times when I think DH shouts too loudly (he's naturally louder in general than me) and I've told him so. The whole other family members butting in is something have to deal with too. Luckily DH is on the same page with me regarding this. I've been known to inform MIL to not butt in when I'm having a word with the children!!

Hope all this helps in some way.

bebo100 Sat 16-Jan-16 19:32:46

I think it's pretty normal to have different parenting views. There are so many different styles and different children it's just a case of trying and seeing what works for your family.
My husband and I often disagree but we just try to stay consistent and on the same page in front of our sons. Even our 2 year old is pretty adept at spotting if he's more likely to get what he wants by asking mummy, daddy, granny, anyone else...

littleraysofsunshine Sun 17-Jan-16 09:35:01

I'm just finding it hard to bite my tongue in that moment when the kids can see.

I know it's not the right way but hen there never seems the right time to talk about it, even if they're in bed. It still doesn't get anywhere.

Take this weekend, we've not agreed on hardly anything and just not getting on because of it. Very hard to shadow around three littles

Gillian1980 Sun 17-Jan-16 13:44:38

We have a lot of theoretical conversations in the evenings, discussing how / what we think about different issues so we can try to get over major differences in opinions before the situations occurs, as its so difficult to bite your tongue in the moment or make a united decision on the spot. Its somewhat easier to have these discussions when the thing in question isn't actually happening at the same time.

BettyBi0 Sun 17-Jan-16 14:25:14

90% on the same page is amazing! I think it's really important that you clear things up with the grandparents that verbal threats of violence really aren't ok.

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