I'm at my wits end with DS1 who's nearly 4. He's in a massively defiant stage, although I've had some success with giving two choices (both of which are acceptable to me), but he keeps having these hugely aggressive outbursts. For example the other night he didn't want fish pie (only dinner choice, and something he's eaten before) and he went wild, hitting me, kicking me, yelling he didn't want it, I'm ashamed to say he didn't get told off for this as I was so upset I just walked away and left him (although maybe that is the consequence?). He also slapped DS2 (9 months) around the face twice this afternoon With this I dealt with it by taking him straight home, but very few consequences seem to work - I took away his train set over the weekend for violence, and he's just not bothered ('oh well I'm playing imaginary trains instead Mummy so I don't care'). I also don't know if I should be forcing him to say sorry to DS2 even though he doesn't mean it, he just says it to try and get toys/TV time back.
Has anyone got any tips, before I lose my shit with him? I am trying so hard to be consistent, firm, kind, making sure he doesn't get over tired or hungry, making sure we get 1:1 time without DS2, but it doesn't seem to be working
Anyone? Just had another hideous afternoon - slapped sibling, dinner poured on floor, toys smashed against the wall. Everything points to something bothering him, but when I sit down and ask him if he feels happy he says yes then does something else naughty. If I ask him if he thinks hitting his brother makes his brother happy or sad he says happy. No sanctions are working. If I ask why he did something he says 'because it was naughty'.