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school run

(23 Posts)
Lily86 Sun 10-Jan-16 21:15:33

hi i have two kids one 8 year old and one 4 year old my oldest one is at school and younger one at nursery who is due to start school in August.

A Year ago my neirbour asked me if i could watch her son for 20 mins in my house before school then take him upto school every morning as she worked mon-thur i agreed to do this as i wanted to help out and i thought she would return the favour on a friday when she wasnt working and take my daughter to school she never once mentioned it and would just wave her son off every fridsy morning expecting me to take him to school at first i didnt mind but then her son would start taking my sons toys and hiding them as he knew this upset my son and it was making my mornings too stressful as my son has autism and would have a meltdown over it we would then go in car and he would be kicking the seats rolling down window etc and he would ignore me when i asked him to stop it i spoke to his mum about it but he still continued i evenually had enough and told her i could not take him to school anymore i made up the excuse that i had to go to my mums in mornings before school ( my mum had just suffered a stroke and his mum knew my mum was very poorly at that time) she now lets her son walk upto school with his brother.

she asked me the other day if i would be able to take her son upto school in august as her older son will be moving to high school and couldnt do it i was kinda put on the spot so just agreed but i really dont want the added stress in the mornings and she is now not working has retired early so could walk him to school herself but because she dosent drive and i di she expects me to take him to school to save her walking the 10 min journey to school.

am i being unreasonable here by not wanting to do it? i dont mind helping people out but i feel like she expecting me to do it all and never offers anything back in return.

Curlywurly4 Sun 10-Jan-16 21:33:07

YANBU at all. She's being a cheeky cow.

PrincePondicherry Sun 10-Jan-16 21:33:20

Yanbu. Just tell her you can't do it. Certainly not every day again!

BertPuttocks Sun 10-Jan-16 21:35:50

Tell her you've had more time to think about it and the answer is no.

If she really can't manage it by herself, she's got another 7 months to make other arrangements.

gandalf456 Sun 10-Jan-16 21:37:13

No. You should never have agreed after last time. I have got myself into these situations before because I've been put on the spot and am not as assertive as I could be.

Just tell her the situation has changed and now you can't. Don't give a reason . Just say ' sorry I can't. '

Luna9 Sun 10-Jan-16 21:40:47

Just be honest and tell her you can't do it as schools runs are stressful enough with your own kids. This arrangement on a permanent basis is abuse on her side; Once in a while you can do a favour but everyday; can't believe people are so unrespectful of other people time and commitments. Tell her the truth. very convenient for her; I wish I have someone who could take all this school run stress out for free; I wouldn't dear to ask.

TheSkiingGardener Sun 10-Jan-16 21:42:52

God she's got a cheek. Say no, you can't because it doesn't work for you. Don't apologise. She'll just have to get up then won't she.

DancingDinosaur Sun 10-Jan-16 21:43:24

Just say no you've had a think and it doesn't really work for you anymore.

Lily86 Sun 10-Jan-16 21:49:43

im glad to see i am not the only one who thinks she is taking advantage. i will just be telling her now that i wont be doing it.she also asked if in two weeks time if i could just take her son to school for just a week as her older son on a school trip and would save her having to get up and ready and having to walk in the cold weather especially when i am already going up the school.

fusionconfusion Sun 10-Jan-16 21:51:24

I have had similar - not as bad, but a local mum who I ended up doing about three hours a week childcare for and she does a grand total of two school drop offs for me (one way, ten minute all in including driving/parking/going to and from car). I agree with TheSkiingGarder. "No, that doesn't work for me, sorry, you'll have to find someone else to help you wiith this". No excuses, explanations, rationalisations etc.

gandalf456 Sun 10-Jan-16 22:21:05

Perhaps she can take yours then? Save you dragging your four year old out? Seeing as she is going anyway

Tatie3 Sun 10-Jan-16 22:25:04

Tell her to pay a childminder or use the school breakfast club like everyone else.

jellyjiggles Sun 10-Jan-16 22:38:10

She's taking liberties! She's just going to have to pay like the rest of the parenting world!

RidersOnTheStorm Mon 11-Jan-16 07:34:34

As an aside why on earth do you drive when it's a 10 minute walk?

Only1scoop Mon 11-Jan-16 07:36:30

Stop being used.

Lily86 Mon 11-Jan-16 07:55:43

the reason i drive is because we would need to cross two busy roads and my son has autism and can be very challenging so by taking the car is safer for him and makes my morning less stressful

Lily86 Mon 11-Jan-16 07:56:52

i ment to add he will not sit in a buggy he escapes or i would walk upto school

gandalf456 Mon 11-Jan-16 23:30:07

I know a lot of parents who drive for similar reasons. It's not at all unusual

Lily86 Tue 12-Jan-16 09:16:38

i also know a lot of parents who also drive to school for similar reasons some people are too quick to judge as i do not drive to be lazy it is for my sons safety and to be honest it has nothing to do with the OP if i drive to school or not i was asking for advice about my neirbour.

Thank you to everyone who has taking the time to reply i am going to tell neirbour today i will not be doing the school run for her for a week and i wont be doing it when new term starts either.

steppemum Tue 12-Jan-16 09:28:04

did she pay you for taking her child?

I have a very close friend. Her son has ASD and once a week she would drop him off at my house and I would walk him to school with my kids.
He was immaculately behaved, and it was no problem.

She constantly checked if I was still ok with this arrangement and if it still worked for MY family.
She also paid me. (I never asked for payment, but she felt that it was fair, and I was happy with that)

The difference between this and what you describe is huge.
She is taking advantage, he son is being a pain and she is not dealing with it, she is expecting a free ride.
The fact that she doesn't even NEED the lift any more makes it even easier.

I love the sentence 'I'm sorry that isn't going to work for us.'

Lily86 Tue 12-Jan-16 09:41:18

hi no she never once offered to pay even on her day off on a friday she was sending him over to my house at 8.20am we usually leave for school at 8.45 i evenually said to her that on a friday i would just meet him outside car at 8.45 as it hard enough getting my two out the door i guess i kind of got myself too far in into it i should of put a stop to it then i just didnt want to fall out with her as we are neirbours. she has only ever dropped my daughter off twice and i had to ask her one time as i had been up intensive care all night as my mum fell ill and i had not had much sleep and she knew all this as had seen my husband night before she sent her son over that morning i said to her could u take them to school im really tired and have a lot going on that was when i relised how selfish she was being and put a stop to it all.

gandalf456 Tue 12-Jan-16 11:35:06

She should not be asking you at all knowing your circumstances. It should be easy to say no. Just say you have so much on your plate with your mum and younger DS and you can't possibly do it. If anything, you are the one who needs help with the school run.

Curlywurly4 Tue 12-Jan-16 19:58:56

I'm shock that she tried to drop her DC off when she knew your mum was in hospital. Just say no to her. She sounds like a complete user.

I know it's difficult when you're neighbours but I would distance yourself and just keep it friendly and polite but brief from now on.

Hope you're mum is ok thanks

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