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separating

(2 Posts)
tracy17 Fri 08-Jan-16 09:46:26

Please help ..we have been married for 17 years and have a child in her final gcse year, who is already finding coursework and exams stressful. JUST before christmas i found out my husband had been having an affair for the whole year - a year when i needed him most - a year when we had just got ourselves straight financially and got a mortgage , a year where my mum was diagnosed with cancer , a year where i have been battling stress and panic attacks although still working full time . I fist noticed last feb how secretive he became i aaked him a few times if anyone else he said i was paranoid ... then just before christmas i needed o use his mobile he was shsking and closing things down .. i took note of his pascode and logged on to find conversation with a woman they read happy anniversary , never felt this way about anyone, knew it was right etc .... i went mad ... he has stopped his affair and tells me they were empty words it was just sex.. although i am surprised as he is a lovely caring man usually and has been a great husband and dad... the words hurt more than what he has done... he only stopped as i found out ..we decided to pretend to be together for our daughter till she finishes her exams .. but i am sugbed off with stress and keeps asking whats wrong what are you keeping from me ... my husband is truly sorry and doesnt want us to separate.. its just tge messages i saw and his timing is stopping me although i still love him. My daughter has asked again today ... we need to pay off debts begore can live separately do i tell her now or wait ? Incase we stay together ? Although i dont think i csn forgive or accept his timing ... or the happy anniversary when we should have been celebrating our first year in our new home he has nowhere to go and no money and doesnt earn loads i hate to think of him in a bedsit .

cappy123 Sat 09-Jan-16 10:58:42

Just wanted to acknowledge your message as you had no responses. I really feel for you. Not faced this situation myself but my friend went through her husbands affair - with an ex and which produced a child. She found out when the child was GCSE age! She kicked him out and he ended up in a bedsit. It's been a few years and they're still rebuilding. Have you considered marital counselling?

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