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if you don't ever do any sleep training what happens?

(34 Posts)
blushingmare Thu 07-Jan-16 21:29:18

Going through a bit of a bad patch with DS' sleep and pondering the dreaded sleep training. I felt forced into it with DD as was pregnant and under pressure to get her bedtime better with the imminent arrival of a newborn. But just wondered, if you've had a child who needs your presence to sleep - at bedtime and during the night - if you haven't done any sleep training at all then what has happened by the time they're 3 or 4?

I'm just wondering if encouraging them to sleep independently is easier once they can be bribed reasoned with.

spaceyboo Thu 07-Jan-16 21:35:52

Most of my Indian friends (from India as opposed to British-Indians) don't bother and this leads to clingy kids who often fall asleep at school. Most of the mums are still sleeping with primary school age kids (oldest is 11) and so nobody gets much privacy. This leads to the whole family being cranky and stressed.

spaceyboo Thu 07-Jan-16 21:39:29

If you don't sleep train then have an aim of when you want the kids to be able to sleep by themselves, then stick to it. Kids of 4 or 5 will probably enjoy having their own room etc so could probably be reasoned with/bribed.

blushingmare Thu 07-Jan-16 21:39:31

Sorry to have posted this twice. Stupid phone!

blushingmare Thu 07-Jan-16 21:43:01

He has his own room spacey - I just end up sleeping in it half the night blush

Rinceoir Thu 07-Jan-16 21:46:50

I never sleep trained DD (20months- not opposed to it as such, but live in a terrace with paper thin walls) and she sleeps through the night, has for the past few months. We sit by her cot and read stories until she falls asleep, and she sleeps from 830-730. She was a pretty good sleeper from day one so that probably helps.

Kelpie78 Thu 07-Jan-16 21:50:35

We've never sleep trained my lb (3 in March). We have story, milk, bed and one of us tends to sit with him until he sleeps (not always but he likes to chat for a while). Upstairs at 730, norm asleep between 8-8.15. Sleeps until 7.30-8.30.

TenThousandSpoons Thu 07-Jan-16 21:50:55

Both mine started sleeping through the night at 3yrs. Quite a sudden change after needing my presence at bedtime (sitting in the room on my phone rather than holding their hands or anything) or coming through during the night. Since 3 they have slept well.

Thebookswereherfriends Thu 07-Jan-16 22:02:13

We didn't sleep train, as such. We went from lying in the bed with our DD until she was asleep and returning to the bed any time she needed it, to sitting beside the bed, to sitting across the room until when she was about 2 and a bit we tried leaving her to go to sleep on her own after a cuddle and a song in bed. At no point did she have to cry herself to sleep. It takes time but is possible. She is now 3yrs and sleeps 11-12 hours every night.

Newquay Fri 08-Jan-16 15:29:01

I have ds of 4 and ds of 14 months. I didn't do sleep training with ds1 and he started sleeping through at 18 months. My 14 month still wakes throughout the night - like you I'm in there for half the night. I'm
Broken. We all are. I've just seen a sleep nanny (health visitor one) and she repeated how bad controlled crying sleep training is. In case it helps you this is the routine we are going to try:
Supper, bath, stories, I will boob him up, dh will put ds 2 to bed by rocking/singing etc. If ds2 wakes between then and 11pm I will soothe him - bf if necessary. Then if he wakes from 11pm-2am dh will soothe him. Then from 2am to morning I will settle him - bf if necessary. After 2 weeks I will have a review and then we will extend the time in the night where there will be no boob. If he cries - whether frustrated or whatever / I'm to tell him that 'it's ok, I'm here and you can do this, it's sleep time now'. I've read so much about this and the most comforting and useful thing I read was that this is a relatively short time in our lives but the baby's memories of love and your availability will last forever. Hope that helps. If not just ignore me! I've ignored plenty of advice on this topic. Sleep is such sensitive thing.

BotBotticelli Fri 08-Jan-16 17:06:31

In my experience: without sleep training the mum (me!) gets severe depression and anxiety and hates life.

What's 20 mins of controlled crying with frequent soothing, compared to your mental health??

(To be clear my boys were waking ever 45 mins from midnight onwards when we decided to sleep train. It was a game changer).

PumpkinPie2013 Fri 08-Jan-16 17:36:42

We never did sleep training with ds (he's 25 months now) and had ups and downs until he was 18months. He always slept in his cot but needed us to stay until he fell asleep and needed cuddles and reassurance if he woke.

He now sleeps through 8pm-either 6.45am on weekdays due to us needing to leave for nursery and work or 8/8.30am at weekends. He will also go in his cot awake and happily cuddle his teddy until he falls asleep and we don't need to be in the room.

Walkingintheraindrops Fri 08-Jan-16 17:41:33

Loads of people don't do it, surely? Babies just sleep. Mine are up later than I'd like started sleeping through alone

zzzzz Fri 08-Jan-16 17:46:00

They do it when they are ready, so for mine 3,2,3,9,7 (the two higher numbers have SN that make things more complex)

gamerwidow Fri 08-Jan-16 17:47:47

I didn't sleep train dd and she just gradually got better at going to bed by herself as she got older. Since age 4 she's gone to bed at 730 and gone to sleep by herself and stayed in bed until morning.

Never did training - let them into our bed when they'd wake up at night and they pretty much grew out of that as an regular thing by 18mths or so. I think DD was the longest lasting - until she was around 6 every few weeks or so she'd mysteriously be in our bed when we woke up in the morning. We never had any real issues with it, I quite liked 2am cuddles, so it was never worth subjecting either of us to the horrors of controlled crying or suchlike.

Having said that though, we were very strict on bedtime routines, as we deserved at least the evenings child-free if they were going to sneak in with us later on.

georgetteheyersbonnet Fri 08-Jan-16 17:55:53

I didn't sleep-train DD and lots of issues just resolved themselves as she went through developmental leaps. We have always co-slept and I bf. At just 1 she stopped feeding during the night or any time apart from just before bed, and started to sleep through. At just turned 2 she dropped the remaining bedtime feed and was sleeping 8-8. She is nearly 3 and is now starting to talk about going in her big bed (I'm looking forward to this too, as she's got more kicky in the last few months!) At each point there was nothing active that I did, specifically, to "train" her - it just happened.

Though, I love cosleeping with her, and only very recently have I begun to find it a little irritating at night (she likes to kick her feet against my stomach when she wakes up in the morning....hmmm).

At the moment she has bath, stories, drink of water and bed about 7:15 and then I sing a couple of lullabies sitting next to her, and she pops off to sleep. Each time she went through a developmental sleep transition it was far more painless than I thought, so I don't worry too much about eventually getting her into own bed and going to sleep without me, which I think will come soon. I found if I just relaxed and accepted it (we did AP from the start), eventually things sorted themselves out.

Rinceoir Fri 08-Jan-16 17:57:36

After saying that my DD slept through the night last night she woke at 2 and would not go back to sleep!

WowOoo Fri 08-Jan-16 17:58:03

The only sleep training we did was telling my 3-4 yr old to stay in his own bed. I told him in the daytime and promised him treats. It was all fine.

We were lucky in that we have a big bed and I didn't mind him crawling in when he was younger. I didn't have to get to work until mid morning though. It would have been loads more stressful if I had to work normal hours like now.

Bumpsadaisie Fri 08-Jan-16 17:58:37

We didn't sleep train as such though we did go in pick up cuddle put down with hand on tummy for a while, in the bad phases and when we were weaning DS off the bottle in the night thing at 17mths. Also coslept if they were really getting in a state or were ill ( this was the best way to get sleep as they slept the minute they were in our bed). They had dummies.
By around 3-3.5 they had dropped naps and started sleeping thru well (tho for a good long time before that they would only wake 2-4 times in the week).
We had to teach them to give up dummies but the whole business of teaching a child to sleep in his own bed is so much easier once they reach 3-4, understand object permanence and can use a gro clock to work out whether it's time to get up yet.
My own theory is that until they drop naps its normal for sleep to be in chunks and have some night waking.
Mine are 4 and 6 now and both settle and sleep brilliantly.

DesertOrDessert Fri 08-Jan-16 18:07:45

Sleep training failed with DS1.
So we just went with the flow, usually involving me sleeping on his floor for part if the night to maximise sleep all round.
At about 2.5, after one particularly horrendous night, he said "swim", which is what we had discussed doing the following day. DH and I said no, to much time awake last night, were too tired. Little monkey stay quietly in bad all the next night, and in the morning came in with a big grin " bed all night, swim"
He didn't always sleep through, but it got better when he relised he got nicer parents the next day!!!

MiaowTheCat Fri 08-Jan-16 19:09:37

Never really had to do sleep training with my two - they're just generally good sleepers (I got lucky!). Both like their own space and have always been much happier in their own beds than with me cramping their style (although DD2 would prefer a double bed with my head as a foot rest if she had her way). The only real "training" we've done is with a gro clock for the 3 (almost 4 year old) for a "do NOT wake your sister up for a sing song and entertainment/discussion about if Elsa had a summer holiday could she make snowballs on the beach/solving the problems of the universe chat" until the sun comes up - the books are there" sense of the world (I got sick of Jingle Bells in stereo at 5am).

I got bloody diddled on the baby and toddler snuggles front really!

Vinorosso74 Fri 08-Jan-16 21:48:30

Didn't do it here. Yes it was harder work when she was little and resented comments of "making a today for our own backs". I bfed DD to sleep as a baby then as a toddler we'd sit with her but somewhere between 18 months and 2yo we started pattern of book, stay for a while then go. She's nearly 6 now and we still do bedtime story sit with her for short time maybe have a chat then say goodnight and leave.
Personally am not convinced by sleep training --the sceptic on me says it's a way for people to sell books--but each child is different.

waterrat Fri 08-Jan-16 21:49:31

I did no sleep training at all with dd. She slept through more or less from 1 when I stopped breastfeeding.

RhinestoneCowgirl Fri 08-Jan-16 21:59:29

With DS: night weaned from bf around 15m, but he was still coming into our bed when he woke in the night until just before 2 yrs. Has slept through ever since.

His younger sister: bf in the night for lot longer (stubborn! ), lots of sitting in her room at bedtime until she went to sleep etc. Finally slept fully thro the night by 3 yrs. Then we used a gro clock and sticker chart to persuade her to stay in bed past 5:30am

I'm much past the sleepless nights bit now and neither of them now makes a fuss about going to bed.

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