if you don't ever do any sleep training what happens?

[blushingmare]

Going through a bit of a bad patch with DS' sleep and pondering the dreaded sleep training. I felt forced into it with DD as was pregnant and under pressure to get her bedtime better with the imminent arrival of a newborn. But just wondered, if you've had a child who needs your presence to sleep - at bedtime and during the night - if you haven't done any sleep training at all then what has happened by the time they're 3 or 4?

I'm just wondering if encouraging them to sleep independently is easier once they can be bribed reasoned with.

[raisin3cookies]

I coslept with my five year old and when she was approaching three she was happy to transition to a toddler bed in her sister's room. She was definitely old enough to understand and negotiate terms. :) It was a quick and painless process.

[Trills]

You get really tired.

HTH :)

[feltfingers]

I just coslept until my DD was happy to sleep independently. She was a lot older than 4

[RandomMess]

I didn't ever "sleep" train any of mine. I gave them a routine minimal interaction during night hours.

I did have a colleague still having to share a room with their 14 year old DD

[PipersOrange]

Randommess do you work with my mum!?

[SliceOfLime]

You just make gradual changes. I fed my DD1 to sleep til she was 2, when I decided to stop bf I read stories/cuddled/sang songs til she fell asleep, then got a CD player and we would listen to audiobooks and I when she was drifting off I said I'd just pop to the loo and come back, then I'd stay downstairs for longer, then eventually it was CD on, kiss goodnight and tuck her in. No trauma or 'training' required

[blushingmare]

Sorry to have posted this twice. Stupid phone!

[Topsy34]

Never done sleep training with ds1, who,is now 6, we co slept since birth and he sleeps through the night for the most, but sometimes comes in with us. I love waking up to find him snuggled in and sleeping soundly. He will stop when he is ready. The only downside for me, is now we have ds2 (8 weeks) he cant co sleep as ds1, is a right gymnast in his sleep and not worth risking

I personally don't believe in controlled crying or crying it out, I won't go into reasons as it will cause a huge debate, which i know is not your intentions.

[afromom]

In my experience if you don't sleep train you end up with a nine year old still in your bed! In fairness he did transfer to his own room age 9 with no fuss, but I'd rather not have had to share with him for 9 years! 2.5 years later he would be horrified at the thought if sharing a bed with me!

[Cloudybutwarm]

I never did any sleep training with my eldest, fed him to sleep for as long as he wanted it, stayed holding his hand while he went to sleep for as long as he needed that etc etc. He is 4 and a fantastic sleeper. He has a bath, a story and then we go and he might look at books for a bit then goes to sleep. Rarely wakes up in the night unless he's ill. We've been very lucky but he just got it and he likes his sleep! No training required.

[CMOTDibbler]

Never did sleep training, and by 2 ds was a child you could take anywhere, put in any sleep conditions, and he'd sleep the night through with no fuss at all, just turn the light off and leave.

[friendafar]

Coslept with first and then he transitioned to his own room and bed aged 3 with no fuss. He did wake a lot though (as he did co sleeping) and at age 3.5 we found out he had dairy issues. Cut out all dairy and 36 hours later he slept his first full night. Sleep "training" him would have in hindsight been more than horrific because he was in pain every day/night but was so used to it he couldn't tell us (an earlier had lacked vocab).

Second also not sleep trained (age 2.5). Shares a room with her brother and is waking up scared at night so we bring her in with us and comfort her in part so she doesn't wake him up. She likes her bed though and I'm sure this is just a phase.

I do know a 13 year old who comes to his parents' room every night (think there's a mattress on the floor for him now) but his father comes from a culture where it's normal, so there's no real encouragement to sleep in his own bed all night.

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

No sleep training here either. Got them a bed at 2ish and let them decide. Both transitioned from my bed to their bed at 3ish. No tears and it was right for us.

[Tirfarthoin]

I didn't sleep train either of mine. DS1 coslept a lot and hated going to sleep alone but was fine by age 4 iirc (he is now 15 and fairly normal for that age).
DS2 never wanted to cosleep and loves his bed and bedtime and has always gone to sleep with no fuss at all (he is not a very normal 6yo

[yetanotherdeskmove]

I did nightwean ds1 but didn't do any other sleep training. When he was about 2.5 he decided he didn't need us to sit with him till he went to sleep anymore. Ds2 has just decided the same at around the same age. They are both brilliant sleepers now. Well tbf ds2 has always been good, ds1 was another story!

[Boredofthinkingofnewnames]

I didn't really sleep train but got lucky with mine bar teething / illness. I was a bit militant about routine though.

A friend never sleep trained and in the end bought a double bed for her sons room and now sleeps in with him age 7.

[5minutestobed]

My ds was a nightmare sleeper until he was 2.(waking several times a night, had to wean him off being rocked at age 1etc) I made some gradual changes, stopped feeding him to sleep, gave him a duvet instead of a sleeping bag (which wasn't planned to help his sleep but he loves it and sleeps a lot better for some reason) and now(at 2.10) he is in a bed he sleeps 8-8 most nights, still needs me to sit by his bed while he falls asleep but that's fine with me. He has changed so much I have just tried to go with the flow, I never thought we'd get there but we did.

[whatsoever]

I suspect I can't have done it if I'm having to ask what it is but what do you all class as sleep training? My DS went into his own room and started having a bath/boob/bed time routine of sorts at 8 weeks. We never co-slept (he was in a Moses basket next to me prior to that but is huge so grew out of it at 8 weeks) but we also never did controlled crying. Does that count as sleep training or not?

[blushingmare]

Whatsoever - what I mean by sleep training would be any kind of action you take to get child to sleep independently ( ie, settling themselves down to sleep at bedtime and sleeping through the night). So, when you put child to bed at night, they don't just drift off to sleep on their own and sleep all night long (the majority of the time, of course!), then what you do to address that, if anything.

Not sleep training to me would be that you carry on doing whatever you do to get the child to sleep - ie. Sitting with them, rocking them, singing to them etc and hope they gradually outgrow it or reach the stage where you can reason with them to encourage sleep. Sleep training would be some other kind of plan to get them to not depend on you - ie. controlled crying, pick up put down, gradual withdrawal etc.

That's what I meant in my OP anyway.

[FourForYouGlenCoco]

DD was a horrendous sleeper. I bf for 10 months which I'm fairly sure didn't help. We tried various things on and off over the months, none of which I can properly remember cos my brain was so fucked from sleep deprivation. We co-slept for varying amounts of the night from practically day dot. It went in phases, sometimes she was ok, sometimes she was terrible. She now, at 3, is a fucking nightmare to get to sleep, wildly inconsistent, incredibly exhausting, and still ends up in with me most of the night. In fairness though, she does generally sleep 11/12 hours once she's actually out, except for waking up to transfer from her bed into mine. I have definitely made a rod for my own back. It's worse now she's older as she is stubborn as a mule and far less willing to back down/accept something she doesn't like. I'm now expecting DC2 and dreading how it will all pan out. Still have 6 months to go but I don't expect it'll get any better in that time. She is generally a joy and a reasonably easy child but bedtimes have driven me over the edge more than once before now.
I'm currently sat on her bed while she wiggles around with her eyes wide open. She's been told twice to settle down and go to sleep, in a min I'll leave her to it, at which point she'll either kick up a massive fuss or go and get straight into my bed. I can't remember the last time I had a decent length, peaceful evening.

[MrsCocoa]

Think they do (eventually...) reach a point where they actively enjoy their own space. DD aged 3 decided one day to retire to her own room and we never looked back. DS finally adopted a routine of settling in his own bed after a story aged 6 (took some creative incentives though...). He was a pretty hard core sleep resister though...

[Snowglobe1]

I sleep trained my older two. I never did anything approaching it with my youngest, he slept through from 22 months and went into his own room at 2.

[Diddlydokey]

In your room until 2? I've literally no clue how anyone gets sleep with them in your room.
OP they all sleep eventually. For me, healthy habits from day 1 can avoid crying based sleep training but I'd much rather 3 nights of controlled crying than 5 years of broken nights.

We have a niece who still doesn't go to sleep easily or sttn and she's 5!!

[tilder]

My three have had completely different sleep patterns. Huge differences in when they slept through. All handled differently.

I didn't co-sleep for many reasons. Each went to their own room when sleeping through ish.

In terms of sleep training I guess we had a consistent bedtime. Then minimal contact at night. I go to them when they need me but we encourage a 'night is for sleeping ' approach.

[lenibose]

I didn't sleep train but I helped him to sleep better. We had a very firm night routine from 4 weeks onwards. We co-slept and breastfed for a year. Very gentle transition to the cot at a year (but in our room). Stayed there till 3. I never left him to cry but I guess I did some form of gradual retreat. Incidentally once he learned to speak he indicated v clearly that my presence as he fell asleep was irritating him (you are bothering me Mummy), which I took as a signal to leave. Transitioned into a bed and his own room at 3. Helped us to decorate and never looked back. Instead of whatever magical 3 day cures the sleep trainers promise I took nearly a fortnight over each step sometimes more- so stopping falling asleep on the breast, stop needing to be cuddled to sleep, night weaning, not needing hand holding or patting at night etc. He is now 4 and for the last 2 years has gone to bed with v little fuss and sleeps through.