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4yo uncontrollable anger

(2 Posts)
sugarplumfairy28 Wed 30-Dec-15 19:34:19

OK so DD is 4 and a half, she is mega super strong, she can bench press, she can lift doors off of hinges, climb a climbing wall unaided and has one hell of a throw. She also has an incredible temper. DD pretty much hates Daddy, even when she has fallen over or wants something she won't let him do it. Today though I have reached the limit of what I can take. We had been out in the car, DD and DS had an argument over something which resulted in me having to hold her legs to stop her kicking DS and DH's seat, who was driving. When we stopped I had to forcibly remove her from the car as she was determined not to get out. She cried and DH had to take her. We got in, I was bringing stuff in, and DD decided she hated Daddy again and starting kicking him, he told her off, she then proceeded to grab a wooden apple toy and smashed the glass living room door. DH then shouted at her, it took over an hour before the screaming and crying stopped.

This evening she has had to be told off again, after she threw something at me for tidying up toys she wasn't playing with.

DH suffers with Bipolar disorder and although he is not dangerous around the children it does kinda make me a single parent. DD's sheer strength does not help when things kick off, and I have no idea what to do with her. I have tried the taking toys away, talking to her, sitting on a naughty spot or and putting her in her room. Usually something gets broken in the process. I feel so ashamed that I just can't seem to deal with an unruly child. I don't know what I have done wrong, but I feel that this has all gotten out of control, what can I do?

moochy1 Thu 31-Dec-15 13:19:59

Sorry I can't offer any advice but want you to know you're not alone, we're in a v similar situation with our daughter who is 4, will be 5 in March. She is so angry all the time and gets physically aggressive hitting & kicking my dh, throwing things and is screaming and slamming doors constantly.

We've started to wonder if she might have something like Autism, but she is not like this at all at school, she behaves perfectly there and she is incredibly sociable and very good at communicating with people, but I've read that girls can be very good at hiding symptoms at school and being "high functioning". I need to do some more research but I'm planning on making a GP appt next week to get some help as we don't know how to deal with this anymore, it's got so bad.

She also has a lot of anxiety about things like noise and thinks very deeply about things for a 4 year old like about death and is obsessed at the moment with her brain, she keeps saying her brain is telling her to do bad things, on Xmas eve she said her brain was telling her to ruin Christmas, and she pretty much did with her anger and aggression, she was hysterical at bed time, she has anxiety about going to bed and has also developed a severe phobia about the noise of any wind at night, she is up all night sobbing and screaming, then starts hitting herself in frustration because of her "stupid brain" she says 😔

We've tried everything, we don't know what to do to help her, dh has anger issues he is v hot tempered and they set each other off constantly, so know what you mean about feeling like a lone parent. I always have to play peacemaker dancing around them both trying to calm them both down, I end up doing everything with her or for her myself to avoid a big meltdown between them. She's never aggressive with me, but has started saying hurtful things like calling me stupid and saying she hates the presents I got her for Xmas, even though they were ones she asked for and loves, she's just saying things to be hurtful.

She is v good at being charming to other people but like Jekyll and Hyde with us and friends and her teacher couldn't believe it when I mentioned were having issues with her behaviour and anger at home. I feel like I don't know my own daughter at the moment, I don't know how much of this is normal for her age and how much she is experimenting with things like hurtful words for the first time, but I don't know anyone else who has a child the same age with this much anger and aggression at home 😔

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