stay at home parents please help!!(13 Posts)
Okaay so I work 5 days a week 9-3 whilst my DP stays at home with our 6 month old ds. He wants to get full time work but is being really lazy about chasing anything up of actually going out to find work. I'm going to take on a second job so he'll be a full on stahp.
However he doesn't do any jobs! He says that ds takes up so much time and attention and he doesn't like leaving him as he gets grizzly. However when I have ds I can put him in his cot / on his mat and do all the jobs in a few hours! I asked nicely at first but he still never did anything. And now I'm getting annoyed
So please can all you other stay at home parents please tell me how you manage children and household jobs! Because yes it is difficult and tricky, but it's still do able (to everyone but my dp!) X
Completely possible! Just takes a bit longer, and perhaps everything is not done quite as properly as before (or that could just be me!). We got a playpen (really a travel cot) in the lounge and the DC were happy in there for short periods (max 15 minutes) whilst I cleaned a bathroom/dusted/changed sheets/loaded washing machine etc - as long as I kept popping in to check them and they had enough toys/Cbeebies on, it was all fine. They probably spent about 30-45 minutes max a day in the play pen - I also used it when I had a shower. Hoovering was the only thing I saved to the weekend til DH was home. Otherwise I managed everything just fine. Assuming DS is still having a lunchtime sleep it's possible to get stuff done then too, though I used that time to have my lunch and relax.
It depends on your baby and on your house. When i only had ds and we lived in a small house I managed pretty well. Ds was a relatively laid back baby so I could get some stuff done. I did very little if we were out all day doing things or he was ill but in general I did ok- although around 6 months was a tricky time as they're just about ready to move so hate being left- I'm not sure I could do as much with my dd.
Now I have a 2 year old and a 5.5 month old and it's a bit hit and miss tbh. I get the basics done-so everyone's dressed and fed, bits of washing up and sweeping up- but some days they really do take up a lot of my time and jobs such as properly cleaning the bathroom and hoovering the stairs don't get done. I will not use every nap (preciously little time when they're both asleep!!) to clean though, I do sometimes need a little time to myself in a day and I would not leave a wittery whiney baby in a cot for a few hours purely so dp never had to clean anything.
I am very happy being a SAHM and, crucially, so is dp. It has to be a decision both of you are happy with and it sounds like perhaps you're not???
I'm happy working but dp is not happy staying in. However once he gets a job my dm will be watching ds for us (bless her and good luck).
He's such an easy going baby compared to some I've heard about
Some days I get lots done other days just getting us both up, dressed and fed is an acheivement. When DH has DS he gets nothing done and he's generally a harder worker than I am. I think some people are better at multi-tasking than others.
Depends on the baby/child. My first made it near impossible to do anything, even cook sometimes. It was really tough and not much understanding from certain family members (husband totally understood, thankfully). With my second child and as my first has got older, I've been able to do more, but it can still be difficult.
If this was reversed you would hear that a lot of SAHPs are there to look after the baby and not do any housework. I agree with this, within reason. I believe that time with baby is a their job, just like you working out of home, and any other chores should be split 50/50 when you are both home.
For the most part, DH should be able to do basic tidying and dinner prep each day. Not talking cleaning the house top to bottom, or a three course meal, but while DS is sleeping he can get the meat out and cut up some vegies and have a quick run around to put toys away or some washing on.
What does he do while DS is sleeping? At that age he is probably sleeping 3-4 hours per day.
BUT - and it's a big one - if DS won't let DH put him down, then any time DS is sleeping your DH is probably exhausted and collapsed on the couch. That was me for a while! Or if they are having bad days he might just need a rest.
Your days, being 9-3 also allow time for you to do some chores in the afternoon before the dinner and bed rush starts.
My DH is a SAHP though choice and I have never expected him to do the cleaning - his job is to look after DD. And tbh it wasn't/isn't possible. She was a Velcro baby (now a demanding toddler) and rarely slept for more than 40 minutes a nap. I would be seriously pissed if he had let her grizzle just to do some housework.
I'm currently at home (maternity leave) while my dh works.
Our DD is 5 months and I do some jobs but I do find that she takes up the vast majority of my day. I do the "easy" jobs such as laundry or dishwasher where I can load a machine in a few mins and let it do the rest. When dh gets home he'll take DD while I do the more involved chores, or dh will do them.
I do feel that my current job is childcare, DH's job is his paid work and the house is our shared role. I do what I can if it fits in around dd's needs but if I can't get things done then so be it.
I have a Velcro baby who consumes all my time and energy. Fortunately my DH (who works full time) is very understanding and would rather I met our babys needs than left him grizzling to do housework so DH happily loads the washer and dishwasher and does the ironing and we take it in turns to have baby / do housework at the weekends.
It just involves some mutual respect.
I respect my husband (who works full time) enough to realise it would be unfair for me to expect him to spend his day working, his evening doing housework and his nights disturbed, while I (SAHP) can take a daytime nap if needed and decide on a lazy day with the children whenever I want to.
Therefore whenever possible I will get the household chores done, so he doesn't have to.
However the respect goes both ways. DH trusts that I wouldn't 'pull a fast one'. He accepts that some days I will be unable to do the household chores, sometimes not even essential chores like washing up. On such days he will roll up his sleeves and crack-on to help get everything done.
If he is an easy going baby like you say then your DP sounds like a right lazy bastard. Sorry to be blunt but you would know if your child was difficult and clingy and obviously not or you wouldn't be asking AUBU
It depends, I used to get loads done with DS playing in his cot/on the floor in the same room. Then he started crawling/pulling up on things and it's become a lot harder!
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