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Mil trying to feed 4 month old chocolate

(61 Posts)
Willow123707 Mon 28-Dec-15 08:39:59

You may have seen me pop up on here before with in law problems, but it's just one thing after another and nothing changes. Not sure how much more I can take.

Since my daughter was about 2 months old my mil kept asking me if I'd given her chocolate yet, just a bit to suck on as shed love it and she explained how her 2 kids did and it does no harm. Obviously I wouldn't give my 2 month old chocolate and I explained that we are a way off from giving her chocolate yet. But every week we see her she brings up, every week with out fail. Saying to my daughter, mommy won't let you have chocolate, you'd love a suck on a bit it won't harm etc...when you come to nannys house without mommy nanny will give you some, I've got a whole box of buttons ready ( which she has). My partners family are huge junk food eaters, not the healthiest of people. My partner told his mum that she's not to have chocolate but she still keeps going on about it.

So on Christmas Day at my house, she sat there with my SIL and said to me, next time my daughter goes to her house shes giving her chocolate, just a bit. I said no, shes only 4 months old. She replied 'yes I am'...and I said no you're not, then she smiled and walked away. Partner said nothing to her. I feel so undermined by her, who does she think she is? Is it me? If I was a crazy mom and didn't want my daughter eating sweets until she was 5, that's still MY decision that she should respect right, or am I being silly?

Well we are due to go to hers today, she'll be with her daughter again, my SIL and no doubt will want to show her 'power', and I reckon she will try and give my daughter some chocolate. How should I handle it? My gut feeling is to get my daughter and leave.

Eminybob Mon 28-Dec-15 08:45:32

I would be fucking fuming if my mil tried this.
Just don't let your DD out of your sight when you are there, don't leave her there and continue to say no.
Or don't go full stop if you can help it.

PurpleWithRed Mon 28-Dec-15 08:49:19

What does your DH say? Either way, warn him that if your MIL tries to give DD chocolate you will leave, and make sure to carry through if it happens.

HermioneWeasley Mon 28-Dec-15 08:49:51

Look her in the eye and say "I have made my views perfectly clear on this. If you give my daughter anything against my wishes, it will certainly be the last time you have any time alone with her, and may be the last time you see her. "

DoreenLethal Mon 28-Dec-15 08:50:23

Take the chocolate off her, crush it in your fist and tell her if she mentions chocolate again it will be her next time, then throw the crushed chocolate onto the floor, grind it underfoot and tell her to shut the fuck up about it. Then take your daughter and leave, never to enter her house again.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Mon 28-Dec-15 08:51:54

I wouldn't go.

Heatherplant Mon 28-Dec-15 08:51:59

Gut feeling is correct, just take your daughter and leave. Or keep a watchful eye over her and say 'silly grandma doesn't know anything does she, we'll follow the advice from the medical professionals not silly grandma'.

Bunbaker Mon 28-Dec-15 08:53:54

Well, you know not to use her for babysitting or free childcare. Why can't your partner stand up to her?

LittleBearPad Mon 28-Dec-15 08:57:13

Your DD is four months so she's easy to keep with you. Don't stress or get angry but if MIL says about chocolate just ignore her. If she tries to give her some intercept it, eat it yourself grin and say as lightly as you can 'in a few months'. This you can do until she's reached an age you're happy for her to have chocolate.

Try to remember too that if for some reason she does have one chocolate button it really won't actually matter to her physically.

LittleBearPad Mon 28-Dec-15 08:58:40

Overreaction much Doreen.

Blu Mon 28-Dec-15 09:01:14

Your DH needs to be firm and direct with her. She needs to stop the 'Mummy won't let you...but I will' about everything, and stfu about chocolate. Would your DH tell her?

It's ignorant, tiresome and wearing. If she is told, and then does it, I would pack up and go.

Blu Mon 28-Dec-15 09:02:16

Though LittleBear's approach is good.

PourquoiPas Mon 28-Dec-15 09:07:58

Just don't go! She is obviously trying to play some bizarre power games with you, it's your and DHs baby so it's your decision.

If she wants to threaten you with what she will give your baby next time she sees her, then she won't get to see her.

Tealtowel Mon 28-Dec-15 09:18:00

Def leave.
If you dont get them boundries up now you will have a nightnare ahead.
At the end of the day your baby your rules. Shes had her children where she made her own choices.

Bupcake Mon 28-Dec-15 09:19:23

I had a very similar situation, OP. My MIL did, in fact, feed my baby chocolate (by letting him lick it off her fingers). The big problem I had was that DH refused to say anything to her. You really need to get him onside. What has his reaction been so far? Would he be willing to speak to her?

It really is about control. A small bit of chocolate isn't likely to cause harm (although there is a risk of choking, and it's not the best food to start with), but the issue is that your MIL should not be giving your child something you have said "no" to. As you said, she should respect your dietary choices for your baby (unless it's something obviously unhealthy).

My SIL is similar, too - will happily feed crap to her kids and mine, and has specifically given them things that I've said they can't have (a glass of Pepsi for a 2-year-old, for instance). She seems to delight in undermining me, which is why she doesn't take my kids out for the day any more.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Mon 28-Dec-15 11:04:33

I would be way more pissed off about her ignoring your wishes, saying she's going to ignore your wishes than the actual chocolate. Though I agree your dd is far too young.

It's rude, it's disrespectful and undermines you. I would tell her that dd won't ever be going to hers without you due to her attitude.

Tinseleverywhere Mon 28-Dec-15 11:17:28

It really is a bit sad that she is unthinkingly driving a wedge between you with this nonsense and maybe she will see less of her grandchildren because of it. She maybe doesn't see the damage she is doing, but it would be hard to tell her in a way that doesn't cause a lot of problems in itself.

bittapitta Mon 28-Dec-15 11:22:28

Tell her it is not about the chocolate as such, but about milk only/no solids until 6 months! Make sure DP backs you up on this, take away her ammunition about whether it's okay to have sweets or not (yawn) and explain it's about weaning guidelines.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Mon 28-Dec-15 11:24:34

Have you tried addressing the real problem of being undermined?
Have you asked DH why he wont say anything?
Say loudly `Can you stop undermining me... shes my baby not yours!!

Finola1step Mon 28-Dec-15 11:28:54

Where is your dh in all of this?

Willow123707 Mon 28-Dec-15 14:47:25

Thanks all, you've all been really reassuring. I'm currently sat at her house after it all coming to blows because she did the expected, she's in a proper mood and isn't talking to me so we are leaving. Hahahahahahahaha

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Mon 28-Dec-15 14:51:09

What did she do? Actually give dd chocolate?? Can't believe some people are so stupid!

Finola1step Mon 28-Dec-15 14:54:30


Pippidoeswhatshewants Mon 28-Dec-15 15:00:40

Well, you can thank you mil now for showing you that she can never be trusted to look after your dd, ever.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Mon 28-Dec-15 15:03:00

I would be steaming about her bloody arrogance. Saying "yes I am", smiling and walking away and then doing it. She's bonkers. Did she think that you'd be ok with this after you'd repeatedly said no? I bet she's not even sorry is she? She will blame you and say you're over reacting and then start wailing to your Dh about how mean you are!

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