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Someone help me. 4mo wakes every 45 mins ALL NIGHT and I am worried I am gonna hurt him/myself if this continues.

(23 Posts)
BotBotticelli Sat 26-Dec-15 06:29:47

He wakes up all fucking night long.

He is FF and is not hungry. Milk does not settle him. He has a big dream feed at 10pm and then sleeps well until 0030.

Then he wakes up every fucking 45 mins until 0540 when he is cooing and gurgling and awake for the day. (Doesn't fuss for his breakfast bottle until 7 so I know hunger overnight is not the issue here).

I know babies wake up early. He goes to bed at 7pm so I know a 0540 start is not unreasonable but I cannot do it having been awake all night.

He has a dummy and I think the problem may be that he cannot get back to sleep at the end of a sleep cycle without his dummy but he cannot yet find one in his cot and put it back in his mouth.

So I spend the whole fucking night putting the dummy in.

Also, from 0100 ish he shouts hysterically in his cot unless he is in bed with me co sleeping. So in desperation I have started taking him into bed with me (we have a double bed in his bedroom as well as a cot so I go in there with the baby and DH is in our room).

I wouldn't mine co sleeping if he actually slept but NO he still wakes and moans/cries for the dummy every 45 mins so I have to smush it back in his mouth even when lying next to him.

He has been doing this for a month. I get up every day and want to die with exhaustion. I also have a boisterous 3yo who has just stopped napping.

Everyone in RL tells me to ditch the dummy but I cannot see how this is gonna help?!! Surely if I do this he will just wake up every 45 mins all night and then scream all fucking night cos at the moment the dummy is the only thing getting him back to sleep, however briefly??? Can someone please explain to me the theory of how getting rid of the dummy is supposed to help???

Please someone help me. My little boy is such a happy content little lump during the day but at night he is killing me.

BotBotticelli Sat 26-Dec-15 06:31:59

Meant to say - DH is helping out loads: we are taking alternate nights co-sleeping with the baby at the moment from midnight onwards but having just 2-3 hours broken sleep every other night is killing him too. He has started having panic attacks at work which I think might be partly caused by the exhaustion.

BotBotticelli Sat 26-Dec-15 06:34:44

Also: ds2 has around 3 hours of nap time during the day, sleeping after being awake for approx 2 hours throughout the day. And is happy and content. So I don't think naps are the problem (although he naps much better/longer in the car seat or buggy than his cot, but because I am always out and about with the toddler he gets plenty of time to nap on the go so that's fine)

Ridingthegravytrain Sat 26-Dec-15 07:30:31

God it's hard I remember it so well. The nights always seem to last forever. I don't have any pearls of wisdom as I had to co sleep with my first and she needed boob not dummy to settle again. It was exhausting. All I can suggest is go to bed when baby does. So if you put down at 7 you go to bed then and DH does the dream feed then you get up in the night.

4 months is a particularly rough time fir sleep. It was some time after 6 months it got better for us but it WILL get better. Keep reminding yourself

And personally I would get rid of the dummy if you can face it

Foamshrimp Sat 26-Dec-15 07:47:24

I feel for you OP. My eldest had the same sleep pattern from birth to 5 months. In the end, I coped by co-sleeping and it just improved with time. I would get your DH to do the 00.30 session and the first morning one if you can so at least that gives you a bit longer and co-sleep the rest of the time. If you remove the dummy you may make the problem go away quicker. But you are going to have a few nights of even less sleep which I personally could not face given my level of exhaustion at the time. You may be braver than me though.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Sat 26-Dec-15 08:02:54

Rather than doing alternate nights can you do shifts so you both get minimum of three hours unbroken sleep a night? Would that work better?

I do remember the dummy thing when dd was a baby. Was nearly tempted to sellotape it in place I was that crazed through lack of sleep. Obviously I didn't and that wouldn't be good.

futureme Sat 26-Dec-15 08:04:36

We were similar. I remember wondering why anyone has a second child to do it all again! And yet people do.

I ended up cosleeping and breastfeeding (as a dummy I guess) but I was very very exhausted for 3 years...

Littlef00t Sat 26-Dec-15 08:09:54

Please google 4 month sleep regression. The main way of getting through it is trying to make it so how he falls asleep is achievable when he wakes - on his own.

BotBotticelli Sat 26-Dec-15 08:17:01

Thank you both so much. So it DID get better for you guys at some point after 6mo?!? I just feel like life is gonna be like this forever.

Did your little one learn to put the dummy in his/herself then?

My fecking MIL keeps saying "you are just gonna have to let him scream" and I am not against a bit of CC, BUT he is not grizzling cos he is tired. He is screaming hysterically until I hold him. How long am I supposed to let him scream like that in the night (probably waking up the 3yo in the process)?!. It just doesn't seem feasible. But neither does carrying on like this.

Yes you're right I might have to start going to bed at 7pm. Just hate the idea cos I need a bit of time to wind down after a day with my older boy.

So is this just a phase that they grow out of? I am having the horrors that if I don't somehow "fix" this by removing the dummy or doing CC he is gonna be sleeping like this as a 1 year old...😫😫😫

PinkFondantFancy Sat 26-Dec-15 08:32:05

They definitely do grow out of it, I promise. Have a read of the 4 month sleep regression on google - it's a grim grim phase for sleep but it will definitely pass. You need to sleep as much as you can in the day, whenever he naps. Loads of sympathy from me, it's truly brutal but it will pass.

PinkFondantFancy Sat 26-Dec-15 08:33:25

Please don't do CC - even those that recommend it don't say it should be done before 6 months.

HeiressesGiltnor Sat 26-Dec-15 08:43:12

We had a really really rough time with the 4 month sleep regression this time last year. It was so hard. I'd say it lasted about a month. We did some 'sleep training'. I use inverted commas because it was made up by us, and we never left him to cry. I'm not sure if the training worked or the phase just passed, but what matters is that he improved. Now he's nearly 16mo and he's a really good sleeper (generally!!!) and can get himself back to sleep and off to sleep independently with the help of a dummy.

It will pass. It feels like forever when you are in the midst of it. I know that. Def Google the 4 month sleep regression as it helps you understand why it happens. I think I read somewhere that regressions should be viewed as 'progressions' because after a blip they generally really improve. I like that positive thinking! It helped me. I had to help teach him sleep better by getting him through the rough 4 month patch, which I doubt was fun for him either, the poor sausage.

HeiressesGiltnor Sat 26-Dec-15 08:44:26

Like PP's said CC isn't the answer. but there are really gentle sleep training methods you can try at that age.

purpledasies Sat 26-Dec-15 08:49:42

Have you tried teaching him to suck his thumb? Made a huge difference to DNeice when she found her thumb. Unlike a dummy it can't be lost. The other thing is to teach him eventually to self settle when he wakes, which isn't easy though at first. Minimal interaction each time to settle him.
I'd also suggest a later bedtime and getting up time, unless you're already going to bed at 7pm. It's nice to have an evening to yourself, but less important than sleep at this is stage. So go to bed when he does

BotBotticelli Sat 26-Dec-15 08:59:38

Heiresses - can I ask what gentle type of training you used? And by the sounds of it you stuck with the dummy? Would you say it was worth it?

I don't think we can push his bedtime any later than 7 ish....we've not chosen than time, it's how his natural rhythm has fallen....he has short frequent naps during the day and then if we put him in bed at 7pm he goes to sleep quite easily (with dummy) and goes into a very deep sleep which he does not really do during the day. We give him a dream feed at 10 but he doesn't even wake up.

So I guess looking on the bright side I would say that he sleeps very well from 7pm - 0030 and definitely knows it's "night time" as he would never sleep for 5 hours during the day.

midnightsunshine Sat 26-Dec-15 09:32:06

You poor thing, that sounds awful.

My DS is 3.5months and started the sleep regression early. He also cries out for his dummy. Giving him a 'Sophie Giraffe' teething toy helps as he sucks it's nose when he loses dummy (he can hold giraffe by legs and get it in his own mouth without my help). I stopped giving him the dummy every time he shouted for it in night as it was getting exhausting, so now he also sucks his hands or the edge of his blanket if he can't reach the giraffe.

I agree with pps re trying sleep training. When my DS started waking a lot I stopped picking him up every time, just reached into cot and stroked his face, let him hold my hands to his face etc until he drifted back to sleep. After a few nights he realised he wasn't going to be picked up (obviously I took him out for feeds but if he'd had one within 3 hours I knew he wasn't hungry). I also use the same nature- sounds track every time he wakes, seems to be his cue to go back to sleep.

Hope things get better soon!

purpledasies Sat 26-Dec-15 09:37:14

If you can't move his sleeping hours, then your best bet might be to make your own bedtime 7pm.

midnightsunshine Sat 26-Dec-15 09:38:22

One more suggestion... Can you adjust your sleep pattern to match his? If he sleeps well from 7pm-00:30 that's a good chunk of sleep for you. I know going to bed at 7 isn't ideal, but sleep deprivation is horrendous (and dangerous!)

My DS chose midnight as his 'bedtime' and on a good night will sleep from 00-5am then feed then sleep 6am-9am (on a bad night he wakes every couple of hours). I'd rather not stay up until midnight but I've synced my sleep pattern with his. I find if I play with him a lot from 10pm onwards he sleeps much better.

waitingforsomething Sat 26-Dec-15 12:21:51

Sorry op that sounds tough. If it was me I would go cold turkey on the dummy and try another settling technique. There might be some shouting for a few nights but ultimately he will have learnt to sleep without an aid and should be able to settle after his cycle

WaitingForSnow Sat 26-Dec-15 12:34:57

45 mins is a sleep cycle. Work on self settling techniques during the day and these will hopefully start helping at night.

And ditch the dummy, self settling works best without it.

Flamingo1980 Sat 26-Dec-15 21:14:43

Can you do a dream feed at 12 - half an hour before he wakes? It's not doing anything at 10 so change it to later. May work...

imwithspud Sun 27-Dec-15 23:47:08

You have my sympathies. We went through similar with dd1, started when she was about 3.5 months and continued u till around 7months. In the end I needed to do something as I was losing the plot and having bad thoughts, we did cc but it wasn't a decision we took lightly. It didn't make her sleep through but things dramatically improved, she was now waking for a feed or due to teething etc, rather than because she couldn't make it through a sleep cycle.

When pregnant with dd2 I was dreading the prospect of doing it all again but fortunately we haven't had a stage like that (touch wood), a few nights of bad sleep here and there but nothing excessive. I'm really glad I've been lucky this time as I don't think I would have coped at all.

It's so so hard, but it does pass

BotBotticelli Tue 29-Dec-15 12:39:20

Thank you all for your wise words and support.

Two nights ago we decided to go cold turkey and:

(A) ditch the dummies, and
(B) insist that ds spent the whole night in his bed no matter what.

Things have definitely improved in the course of 2 nights. Removing the dummy seems to have cured the "waking up every 45 mins" sleep cycle issue.

He does have a good scream to get to sleep at 7pm without his dummy bless him. We go in and shh/pat him every 3-5 mins to reassure him but ultimately he is tired, it's bedtime, he needs to learn to go to sleep I think

The first night it took 22 mins of crying with frequent reassurance. Last night just 8 mins. He is also now going down for his naps without a dummy only crying for less than 2 mins before going to sleep.

We have also reinstated a night feed when he wakes around 4am. This worked really well the first night as he had it and then went back to sleep until 7 (bliss!!). This morning it worked less well cos he woke up having the bottle at 0420 coughed for an hour and then decided he was up for the day at 0540 😩😩😩

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