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Parenting dilemma - Help!!

(4 Posts)
Cableties99 Sun 20-Dec-15 12:54:01

Ok so I'm not expecting any pity or sympathy for this.. It isn't the point in writing.

I'm 23 years old, my ex is 24. Me and my ex were together for 2 years up until August 2014. To say our relationship was turbulent was an understatement... We were on, we were off and fought like wild cats. But deep down no matter how bad we argued we loved eachother and found our way back.

In the July of 2014 my ex announced that she had slept with someone else once while we were 'on a break' which completely broke my heart. And in August she sat me down and told me she was pregnant.

Now comes the biggest mistake I could have made - I freaked out, panicked.. Got into 'I can't do this' mode and left, we argued some more, she shouted abuse at me so I cut all communications with her off - knowing she was pregnant. Despite loving her to pieces I had a complete meltdown

It's been 10 months since we last had contacted, her child has been born and is 8 months old. The other day I get a text from her from a new number and we chatted for days and days.. Like old times.

The other day she broke the news to me that the person she slept with is not her child's father and I am, and that I should go around to her house to talk things through, so I did

I spent the day at her house, we chatted, had a couple of drinks and she told me how much she misses me and to cut a long story short I stayed the night. And the following morning, I met her son who looks EXACTLY LIKE ME and she is absolutely without a doubt sure he's mine.

Here's my dilemma - I haven't been around for 10 months, and I don't know this child. However my ex CHOSE to introduce me to him yesterday and let me spend an entire day with them both. To my surprise, when I returned home she instantly went on the offensive and told me 'you haven't been around for this long, don't expect to see him again it was a mistake introducing you and i don't want you around again'

What do I do??? I still love this girl to bits, and I think the feeling is mutual.. However she is so angry at me and after introducing me to 'my son' she is now refusing to let me have any further contact

CultureSucksDownWords Sun 20-Dec-15 15:50:16

I would get some legal advice on how to arrange suitable contact, and perhaps a DNA test if you think it possible that she might deny paternity. If you are this child's father then you will also need to be prepared to pay the appropriate amount of child support.

Your relationship or not with your ex is a completely separate issue to the issue of contact with the child. Don't mix the two issues up. Tbh, it sounds like a volatile relationship, and no matter how much you love her, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship for either of you. It definitely wouldn't be good for the child to witness the kind of volatile relationship and emotional messing about that you described.

YeOldeTrout Sun 20-Dec-15 16:55:52

Just because you love somebody is not a good enough reason to be in a relationship with them. (She sounds like a total nutcase, and poor child deserves at least one sane parent)

You need a paternity test to make a fully informed decision. Lawyer ASAP.

Hassled Sun 20-Dec-15 17:07:56

Yes to getting the paternity test just so next time there's a fall out she can't suddenly decide that you're not the father after all.

She's coped with the first 8 months on her own and that must have been bloody hard on her - no-one to share the sleepless nights with etc. But while on the one hand she's probably desperate for someone to share the load, there will be another part that's scared to make that leap. She'll need a lot of reassurance that whatever happens between the two of you, you'll never be a twat when it comes to your son. And that means regular maintenance. I think in your heads you both need to separate this semi-relationship (which may or may not go somewhere) and the co-parenting (which is around for the next 18 years at least). Don't see them as the same issue.

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