struggling with a crying baby(22 Posts)
Please help me cope.
DS is 7 months old and has been a needy, crying, hungry baby from the beginning. He would not be put down at all, even when asleep and fed constantly (bfed).
Once he reached 8 weeks we tried putting him to sleep on his front as he happily slept on our chest like that. He will sleep like that and still does but is still waking every 3-4 hrs at night for a feed.
During the day he is only happy if he has my constant, full attention. I can put him on a playmat surrounded by toys for maybe 10mins but then he screams until I sit with him and play. But then he decides that isn't enough and he wants to be held but, again, my full focus has to be on him.
He also bfeeds every 1-2 hours throughout the day as well as eating 3 solid meals.
I am exhausted and I have no energy left. I am not enjoying maternity leave at all and I wake up full of dread at being left alone with him.
He is fine if we're out and will now sit in the pram looking around (this is progress from him only going in a sling) but there are only so many times I can walk around the shops or park and I need to be able to do the washing/tidy up etc so I can't be out all of the time.
I've tried leaving him to cry for short amounts of time, I have to if I'm making lunch (which I don't really do for myself because of his crying) but it doesn't make any difference. He just screams himself in sobbing hysterics.
He refuses a bottle so I am working on this because I feel he needs to come off of the breast to separate us a little but again this leads to more crying.
I'm struggling now after 7 months of this.
I also have a 4 yr old who was completely different as a baby!
It is hard. DC1 was like this, it does get better, but living with it is exhausting.
Do you have a fabric sling? In retrospect I wish I had used one of those for DC1. DC3 was a whinger if he was put down, so i did most things with him in the sling, and if I needed to use the hob I put him down, and if he went for it (shrieking) I popped him in the other room to yell whilst I cooked. Sorry DC3, but the others need to be fed.
I presume you have thought of things like colic already.
It does get better. Get out lots, with headphones and a thermos if needed.
He doesn't have colic, I took him to an osteopath just in case but they said there was very little wrong.
I do have a fabric sling which he has spent a lot of time in but he is really heavy (hew wears 12-18 months) and it's hurting my back. I'm also fed up with being constantly attached to him.
When did yours get better? How do I get anything done if I'm out with him all of the time? I just want to go to bed and sleep for about 10 years!
"this too shall pass"
I do remember oh so well.
DC1, DC3 and DC4 were all like this.
a back carrying sling was the saving grace for me (took 3 babies to work out). Carrying him/her on your back for part of the day means the closeness is there but you can cook safely and also be available for cuddles with your DC1,,,it may also spread out the breast feeding as less milk smell.
It is very claustrophobic having a child like this, try to get out and about.
If you are very exhausted you could considr stopping the breast feeding (I know this |s controversial but it is exhausting.
Can you try and let him 'help' a bit now older? So if you want to do laundry just sit him in the whole pile whilst you sort, or when clear he can play with pile of socks as you fold
Empty bottom drawer in kitchen and put stuff in he can play with whilst your in kitchen like wooden spoons/ sieves/ plastic cups/ whisks / Tupperware etc, anything safe and non breakable. He can pull it all in and out drawer whilst your busy. Or feed him raw ingredients of edible
Oh and I just wouldn't feed every hour at 7months. At 7 months you can feed less often and give him other stuff in between. So I would only feed every 3 hours during the day, in between that offer snacks or cows milk in beaker. He will still be getting around 6-7 breastfeeds a day doing this . I would also not feed between 11pm-6am. So give dreamfeed at 11pm, then no feeds until morning. Offer water if he's thirsty. It should get him sleeping through those hours quickly
Artandco he won't sit and play with socks/kitchen stuff without my full focus on him which then means a can't do the job I need to.
I do offer him snacks and drinks and he eats them usually but then wants a breast feed after. I can't just not give it to him! And what do you suggest I do with him between 11pm and 6am when he is screaming for his feed?
I've been there, I found the noise and constant contact plus lack of sleep awful.
DS is almost 2 now and is sleeping a million times better (though sometimes with me) it's got easier not so much because he's less clingy (though both of us not being constantly exhausted helps our mood) but because I've adjusted to his personality and need for physical closeness. As he gets older I can now see all the positives about his character and differences from my first 'easy' child.
It does get better but not necessarily in the way you might hope! Sorry!
Rock/ sing/ stroke face. Honestly a 7 month old does not need feeding every hour potentially day and night. Mine both breastfed until over 3 years, but no way would I have done if every hour as it's madness. Honestly it might be a nightmare for 2-3 nights but it's worth it if he then isn't waking so frequently. A baby of his age will not starve on 7 breastfeeds a day, 3 full meals and snacks.
What happens if your out 3 hours, how does someone else soothe him without breast?
Tbh I would leave him to cry a bit if he's sitting next to you, fed, clean bum, and your talking to him but busy. You have met all his needs and he's not being left in a room alone but a metre from you with toys.
Does he need different toys? Mine liked mirrors and fairy lights at that age ( everywhere atm with Xmas), and a shiny blanket.
I would set him up near you with stuff and play 2 mins with the him, they tell him your just doing x/y/z 5 mins. Then join him again 2 mins, then repeat. Gradually increasing the time he's playing alone so you can have 15/20 mins doing stuff and just chatting to him but not sitting and playing
My first was a very needy baby and the second isn't a lot different.
If it's any reassurance my first was like a totally different child as soon as he was able to crawl. I think a lot of it was just frustration
I thought this was just how 7 month olds are :-s (bar the feeding). DS (6 months) was totally over his playmat from about 5 months and prefers to sit playing with other toys, sensory basket etc. but I do need to be there with him, engaging him, and his most favourite thing to do now is to pull himself up (and then fall over and bang his head) so I rarely leave him these days! Also he can't roll front to back yet so spends a large amount of time freaking out stuck on his front. I think they're all frustrated all the time! I'd hate to be a baby.
Ps. Agree if the feeds are every 1 to 2 hours in the night he's not hungry. I'd rock, pat, sing if it's less than 3 hours between feeds. He'll probably scream very loudly at you for the first 2 or 3 nights, so try to do when your partner is around maybe, so there's someone to share the pain.
Bendydick I'd have said all 7 month olds were the same after my first. Then I had this one, I can't really describe the difference!
Bebo I know he's not hungry but he won't settle back without it. DP does get up with him to rock him and it works 1/4 times he wakes up. Other than that he screams himself into a frenzy. I also have my DD to think about so I can't let him scream all night.
Oh this is so hard. The crying is like torture, isn't it?
Take him to more activities to tire him out? Get him to help you with bits round the house? It is hard.
Thank you everyone, it does help to know there are people who understand! It's hard too because even when dp takes him, DD then wants to sit on my lap and play/read/sing etc.
Once I've weaned him off of the breast I'm booking myself on a spa day!
Do you feed to sleep? That's the easiest was to stop overnight feeds is not feeding to sleep. Try feeding in living room before bed, then settling to bed from awake with singing/ stroking face/ gentle patting bum whilst they are laying down with you down at their level. Means it might take longer first few evenings but then they get used to that settling to sleep and so you can repeat easier if they wake in the night.
Maybe get your Dh to do the next few evenings to break the cycle.
In the morning take baby out of bedroom and feed in living room also so he doesn't associate bed with milk
The last feed before bed is done in the living room, dp then takes him up to bed and rocks him until he is nearly asleep and then puts him down. He is fine at going to bed it's just the waking up for a feed every 3 hrs after that! He is having a full feed too, not just a little comfort suck. He also is fed in the living room in the mornings as dp gets up with him between 5 and 6 and takes him downstairs.
Oh I totally feel for you. DS was very similar (actually he has had a whingy afternoon where I had to sling him today and he is 18mo). It's just their personality as hard as that is. I second a back carrying sling to get stuff done. It gets easier and I find DS so much fun but he is still high needs ie he needs to be out and about lots. I think I just tried to be out as much as possible and any household chores were done with him in a sling. My mum said my brother was similar and he's still a bit high needs at 26 years old!
Sounds very tough. How much solids is he having? Can you increase the amount to try to get him less dependent on the milk?
Can you try getting him closer to full self settling at bedtime, ie gradually your DP would rock him less and less till he's going down fairly awake but tired. This might mean he is more likely to skip one or two of those night feeds.
I expect he will be happier once he gets mobile...
No advice op but I feel your pain. My ebf 5.5 month old is exactly the same. He's also just got his first tooth a few weeks ago and has taken to biting me. Can't take much more, need
Feeding every 3 hours through the night is normal for a bf baby. I think it's incredibly unusual for a bf baby not to be fed through the night at 7mo.
Also, don't give him cows' milk, it's not suitable as a drink until they're a year old
for you OP. I'd second looking into learning how to back carry, it's the next thing on my list with DD.
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