3 months old and family feuding already!

[newbieparent]

Hi this is my first post. In September my daughter was born, the first girl in a large family of mostly men! Obviously everyone was over the moon with her. However not three months on I've found myself on the naughty step with none of my family speaking to me. The reason for this is because I have refused to take my daughter to my mum's house. The only reason for this is due to there being quite significant mould in the upstairs of the house. It is a rented property and the issues are being dealt with. I am a housing lawyer so know about the risks of mould on the health of a young baby.

As you can imagine the decision did not go down well, at all. I did make it clear that it was only until the last room was treated and painted but still this hasn't made a difference.

I know a few hours probably wont do much harm but that's not really the point is it? I just feel like i can't take the risk, or it would be irresponsible to do so. I am really struggling with a war in my mind over whether I am being too unreasonable and overprotective or, if they are being unreasonable.

As a result of this nobody from my family wants to speak to me.

To cap it all we have had the classic 'what to do on Xmas day' dilemma. My fiance and I have been together for 6 years and have never spent Xmas day together in order to keep everyone happy, and this was fine then. As we have decided to stay at home this year and meet family around Xmas day this also did not go down well with my family.

I really don't know who is wrong in this situation but it is one of those silly problems that leads to years of nobody speaking. I just wanted some thoughts/ opinions. Thanks :)

[E11Chick]

At the end of the day, you are the mother so you decide what's best for your daughter and I'm assuming there is no reason why your mum can't visit at yours just until the work is completed on her house? Seems a bit silly to fall out over as its only temporary.

Again I think you are doing nothing wrong by wanting to spend your first Christmas as a family together - it's a special one :-) I'd be upset if my family didn't understand this. Nothing stopping them from visiting you on Christmas day?? Or perhaps could you spend Boxing Day with them and have a second Christmas day? X

[youlemming]

Not really got any knowledge on the mould issue but I can share what we do about Xmas.

As with you myself and OH spend the first 10 yrs having Xmas apart with our individual families, then when we had DD1 we decided that Xmas day will be ours and to visit the family either side.
It works out quite well that OH has a tradition of visiting his grandparents and doing a general family drive round xmas eve and on my side the family all get together at my nan's on boxing day so thats how we split it.

In both instances you need to do what is best for you and your immediate family (OH and DD), all you can hope for is that the wider family realise they are being childish and understand that you have other priorities now.