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how do you keep your identity as a parent?

(5 Posts)
littleraysofsunshine Thu 10-Dec-15 13:01:37

I'm a mama to almost four under 5. I feel like I've lost who I am, lacking motivation to get out of this spiral. It's effecting me in so many ways, resentful, my parenting, snapping, depressed and just feel alone.

I spend all my time with my kids, and wouldn't know how to make a conversation with a stranger if I tried.

I feel lost!

I adore motherhood but I don't want to be consumed and lose myself anymore especially as it's effecting how I am as a person and parent.

Rosenwyn1985 Thu 10-Dec-15 13:24:13

I'll be honest I'm not sure of the answer but I recently volunteered for the pre school committee. I thought it would be a positive experience but wasn't sure. I've been pleasantly surprised. Although it's a recent thing I enjoyed the first meeting. It was just nice to have something adult. Even when I see friends they all have kids so it's a child orientated activity. And although this is obviously the pre school, and my son goes, it doesn't feel like that. Best of all they know I have kids and are flexible with it. Might be worth trying something like that?

NickyEds Thu 10-Dec-15 13:27:06

I go out one evening a week, usually to the pub with a friend or my sister. My youngest is only 5 months and for the last two nights has actually gone to bed at 7 instead of sleeping on me all evening-this will make a big difference as I'll be able to sew in the evenings too. I think it's hard op (and with 4 it must be really hard), my identity has changed since having kids.I am, to a degree, different- I don't work being the main thing, but they won't be little forever and it will come back in time (I hope!).

What kind of support do you have? what would you like to do?

littleraysofsunshine Thu 10-Dec-15 14:12:54

Another issue is that j feel guilty for wanting time for me.

I don't really have anyone to be honest. My two best friends have kind of not bothered the past year so I get stubborn about it.

I would like a date night for my partner and I occasionally as this is an issue to, we never have couple time and have lost sight of us.

With me, I'd like to maybe join a fitness class (antenatal) but then I think why should I spend money when I have the DVDs at home.

Maybe a girls meal (if my friends were interested)

I have no confidence in doing 'adult things'.

I would love to be more out going and do more. Mr works and goes to football once a week, sees friends every now and again on a night out, I literally do school runs and stay with my little boy.

I'm grateful for all that I have, I just feel that maybe where subconsciously after five years it's starting to effect me, it also making me feel isolated, low self esteem etc no motivation and effects my attitude. I end up feeling like I'm one of the kids!

That's right, they're so small and I just feel guilty for thinking about me time.

Not only that is really like one to one time with my littles.

Just no idea how to fit it all in?!?!?

NickyEds Thu 10-Dec-15 14:55:50

I think you have to be so pro-active about this. What would actually happen if you messaged a couple of friends and said "anyone free for a drink next Monday (or whenever)evening?"? If you just said to your dp that you'll be out that night? Do you begrudge him football? No? then one night out for you is nothing to feel guilty aboutsmile. I can't help with the nights together I'm afraid as we really only have one person who'll have the kids for us so evenings out together are few and far between. It's tough isn't it? We're still solid but could definitely use more time together.

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