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(3 Posts)
OhBigHairyBollocks Wed 09-Dec-15 16:04:07

DD has just turned three. I am 35 weeks pregnant.
Up until three weeks ago we were attending parent/toddler swim classes which she did really really well at. Can swim without any adult help using floats/armbands. Due to my horrendous SPD I have been participating less and less as it was becoming so painful being crouched in a teaching pool for 40 minutes, to the point where I was mostly sitting on the side and she would swim around/to/from me with a bit of encouragement.
When she turned three the swimming teacher said she was happy for her to move up to the pre-schoolers lessons, where the parents sit outside and watch. So we did.
She is absolutely fine right up until she gets into the pool, the lesson is with the same swimming teacher so she knows her quite well. Then she's asked to get in and she just clams up sad and clings onto me until I physically have to pull her off me and pass her to the teacher. For the two lessons we have been too she won't let go of the teacher and won't kick her legs, anything like that. Yet when she is not near the teacher (there are four DC in the lesson and the teacher has to help every one of them obviously) she is quite happily jumping about, playing with her floats, etc. Smiles at me, everything. She doesn't ask to get out at any point! Then when it is her turn to do something with the teacher she clams up.

I think it's more a confidence issue around other adults as she is like this when I drop her off at nursery- and has been ever since she started a year ago- she clings to me until one of the keyworkers picks her up for a cuddle. Within three minutes of me leaving she is absolutely fine and is running around with the other kids, but again, clams up when any of the adults speak to her. I am told she follows all instructions and is very helpful in general, she just won't "talk to them" if they ask her about her weekend, for example. This was brought up in her recent check/parents evening.

I'm worried. Ive cried today after her swimming lesson because she just looks like she hates it but at no point ever wants to get out, or ask me to get in with her. I also worry about the clinging on to the teacher during the lesson- there are three other kids and if one of them was to get into trouble in the water and DD is clung on to the teacher, she won't be able to help immediately, and obviously that is neither safe or fair. There is a lifeguard on duty as well, but that's not the point.

I just feel like there's some imaginary box that I haven't ticked, or something that I've not done and I feel like a total failure, because I see other three year olds (even two year olds!) that are so confident and just immediately settle in. And I worry that when she starts school (admittedly another year and a half away) that she will be the same, clinging onto the teacher every morning, which obviously no-one has time for!

Sorry, this was really long and much heavier than I intended. Im just at my wits end and it's really starting to concern me I fully accept that I am VERY hormonal too..

I don't know how to make it better. I don't know wether to pull her out of the swimming lessons (they are costing me nearly £40 a month) and just go ad hoc when I can or persevere and hope it gets better. The baby will be here in four weeks and I fear that is just going to exacerbate the situation. Although I will hopefully be back to normal physical health so I will be able to physically take her swimming myself after c-section scar is all healed and I am back on my feet.

Please help sad

LIZS Wed 09-Dec-15 16:14:54

I'd stop the lessons and get your dp to take her as and when. It will be a real help once the baby arrives if you can have the occasional breather.

DorynownotFloundering Wed 09-Dec-15 16:40:41

Agree, take the stress out of it all & just have fun swims as you can or if another family member can take her.

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