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What is the perfect age gap?

(26 Posts)
DreamBigGuys Mon 07-Dec-15 23:35:14

I think around 4/5 years - when the newest child has started school smile

TheHouseOnTheLane Tue 08-Dec-15 01:58:20

My elder DD was 3 and a half when her sister was born. It was good in that she went off to nursery when the baby sister was very new but I often think that the gap is just a bit too big.

Now older DD is 11 and little one is 7, they're not always on the same page for playing together. Having said that they DO play together quite well....and there's no reason to assume they would get on better if they were closer in age....some siblings just don't!

Salene Tue 08-Dec-15 07:39:56

I've seen lots of threads on this and 2 years seems commen. I'm not pregnant and it's going to be a 2 year gap so I hope people weren't lying 😂

Salene Tue 08-Dec-15 07:40:09

I'm now*.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Tue 08-Dec-15 07:43:26

I think our gap, two years, is perfect, at 9 and 11 now it has always felt just right, most of my friends have a two year gap too. Dreading the year we potentially have A levels and GCSEs together though.

JemimaMuddledUp Tue 08-Dec-15 07:46:58

20 months. A gap so good I did it twice grin

Days out etc are so much easier to plan when the DC are a similar age and so have similar-ish interests.

Plus you get every stage (potty training etc) over in one big push. I would have hated to finish with nappies/potties/sterilising and have to go back to it.

It was hectic in the beginning (when DD was born DS2 was 20 months and DS1 was 3y 4m), but now they are older (13, 11 and 9) I seem to find things much easier than friends who have 4/5 yr age gaps.

cupcakelovinggirl Tue 08-Dec-15 07:48:08

Depends how you look at it. If you want an easy life when they are young then definitely 4/5 years between them but if you want age appropriate holidays, cars, toys etc all in one hit then bang 'em out in quick succession! It's hard in the beginning but the whole family is almost always on the same page.

LettuceLaughton Tue 08-Dec-15 07:48:08

There isn't one. Each has it's advantages and disadvantages.

Sparklingbrook Tue 08-Dec-15 07:51:47

2 1/2 years has been great for us but count ourselves lucky that's what we wanted and managed it.

wallywobbles Tue 08-Dec-15 08:09:47

15 months has worked really well for us.

MrsGradyOldLady Tue 08-Dec-15 08:17:39

I think the most common age gap is 2 years sp clearly most people think that is the perfect age gap.

I have a 7 year gap between my twins and my daughter which I think has been great. The older 2 adore their younger sister (and vice versa ) and there's plenty of things we all enjoy doing together. Most activities can be adapted to suit all ages. For example, if we go bowling the older 2 will help DD put up the ramp thing, if we go to a theme park they'll play with her on the younger rides, they'll play board games with her, help with homework etc. It's really sweet and they have a lot more patience with her than they ever did with each other. Plus they've recently started babysitting which is a big bonus!

Cherrypi Tue 08-Dec-15 08:27:38

Do they collect the data on age gaps anywhere? I read that with no contraception and breastfeeding the gap averages to three years typically. Though two years seems more common in my anecdata.

Artandco Tue 08-Dec-15 08:37:41

15 months here. It's great as so close and are pretty much at the same stages

DeepBlueLake Tue 08-Dec-15 10:57:15

We wanted two years but got 2.9 due to miscarriages, DS2 is less than a month old so we will wait and see, I hope they are still close even though there is an almost 3 year age gap.

weeblueberry Tue 08-Dec-15 11:27:03

Ours are 2 years apart and although it's BLOODY hard work just now (2 and a half and 8mo) I know I personally couldn't have gone back to an 'easier' stage (sleeping through, toilet trained, free time because older child is at school) and then started all over. I wanted the physically difficult stuff to be over with asap!

TaliZorah Tue 08-Dec-15 11:29:11

5 years. I couldn't have two babies together, I think it's great when ones started school so you can do the baby stuff with the second.

BigSandyBalls2015 Tue 08-Dec-15 11:34:38

3 minute gap here (not by choice obviously!), but it's worked out brilliantly.
Very hard work with two newborns, and when they were toddlers, but they're teens now and very close, and are interested in similar things, so days out/holidays are easy - I realise that wouldn't always be the case though.

ThornyBird Tue 08-Dec-15 11:41:37

I have 21mths, then 3.5years then 2.5years.

The first gap was too small for me for the first year but is great now they are older.

The 3.5year gap worked superbly when dc3 was born but now feels too big - yr8 at secondary school vs yr4 at primary school feels like a massive jump.

The 2.5year gap is ok. Hard to know the impact as dc4 had health concerns which overwhelmed everything else.

I think the nature of the baby/child play a big part as well - dc1 and dc3 were lovely easy babies whereas dc2 and dc4 were less so. However it flips back and forth so dc2 and 4 were amazing toddlers while dc1 and 3 were stroppy little sods...

DorotheaHomeAlone Tue 08-Dec-15 12:00:02

Both dh and I have 19/20month gaps with a sibling and are very close as adults. I see that gap a lot in my age group with good results so that's what we pitched for (and are getting)! Probably depends how easy you found the first one and how much support you got.

FattySantaRobin Tue 08-Dec-15 12:03:50

There is no perfect gap. Just what works for you.
DS1 was 5 when DD was born.
DD was 19months when DS2 was born.

Both have pros and cons.

Thurlow Tue 08-Dec-15 12:08:32

Oh, yes, exactly the same - just TTC#2 now and DD will start school next September grin

I can see the pros and cons for all age gaps, though. I know someone with a 14m age age, she said it was a nightmare when they were both babies, but as they're getting older it is getting easier. And they will hopefully be doing similar things at all ages, whereas with a 4-5 year gap the kids will constantly be at different stages of their lives.

I can definitely see how getting sleepless nights, breastfeeding and nappies out of the way in one big 3 year go is probably more sensible though. With a now reasonably self-sufficient, potty trained sleeper, the idea of sleepless nights fills me with dread!

But then again, I absolutely detested pregnancy and was really very happy to get back to work after mat leave, so for me, having a small age gap would have really tested me to the limit.

UtterlyClueless Tue 08-Dec-15 12:12:47

My mum said 4 years

My eldest brother an sister are 2 years apart
Then my eldest brother and the twins are 2 years apart
Then the twins and me there's 3 years
Me and my youngest sister is 4 years.

She said she much preferred mine and her age gap!

Branleuse Tue 08-Dec-15 12:16:23

i have a 7 year gap, and a slightly under a year gap.

The smaller gap was definitely hardest for a couple of years but now its the best gap ever, they are into the same things. Doing nearly the same stuff at school. Share some of the same friends

The 7 year gap was easy at first but now they have nothing in common

JemimaMuddledUp Tue 08-Dec-15 13:24:58

DorotheaHomeAlone thank you for sharing that you are still close to your close in age siblings as adults. That is what I hope for my 3 DC.

MiaowTheCat Tue 08-Dec-15 18:47:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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