DD (4) refusing to stop rough/annoying physical play when I say I don't like it.(9 Posts)
What should I do about this? As far as I know its just with me. No one at preschool has mentioned her doing it there, and we do speak a lot about other things.
An example from today:
She kissed me on the cheek, lickig her lips in advance to make it horrible and sloppy. So we had a minute of messing around doing sloppy kisses on the cheek. Fine. Until I say 'right, that's enough now', and she just completely ignores me and carries on trying to do it, increasing the force and manically giggling. I continue saying 'I don't like this now, you need to stop' (we talk a lot about how we need to stop if someone doesn't like something. She agrees at the time but never comes close to stopping at the time). She carries on as if I'm not talking, I walk away, she follows me round pushing and laughing. I say 'stop at the count of three or you'll go into time out', she doesn't stop at all, I pick her up and pit her on the step. She won't stay, gets up laughing and running off. I tell her to get back on the step or I'll reset the timer. She says 'I don't care! I'm not staying there!'. I say stay or you'll lose your bedtime books, she doesn't stay. So she loses her books. She still won't stay so I say that no one will be sitting in the bedroom while she goes to sleep. She still won't stay on the step so noone is sitting with her tonight.
Stuff like this happens daily. And often not borne of some game but she will just randomly decide to start putting her hand in my face or shouting or making repeated high pitched annoying sounds and laughing about it. Which again sound normal for her age probably, but its the fact that she just won't stop doing it until it until I threaten her and even then won't stop.
I know this is shit, not the right way to do it. I know I shouldn't put in consequences that interfere with her bedtime routine but I have no other way of stopping her.
I hate time out. I've only started trying to use it recently because I just can't bear the physical stuff she does. I haven't met another four year old who I've seen do anything like this. Or any other age actually.
Rapid return to time out doesn't seem to work, she just laughs and laughs and runs off and it ends with me losing my temper and shouting my head off.
Stop threatening her and go straight to taking her atms, moving them to her sides while saying no and then standing up and disengaging.
If even the negotiating and warnings have become part of the game then its not working.
Try immediately removing yourself by standing up. If you see her licking her lips and advancing on you- stand up.
Dont ignore her, thats frightening to a child, but from your standing position talk calmly about neutral things and ignore any pulling.
Whatever you choose to do wont work straight away so youll have to be consistant with following any plan.
You are probably confusing her by tolerating it for a bit then making her stop. Try not letting her slobber on you at all.
If she is pushing you, say no pushing.
I dont think time out is working. I think this back and forth is part game part battle of wills from her pov.
That is just one example of what's happened today, that particular kissing thing hasn't happened before. It's refusing to stop things in general that's the problem.
Saying no pushing has zero effect. Same with hitting. I have been trying to stop hitting and pushing for at least the last two years by holding her arms and saying no. It literally does nothing.
I find with both mine I have to stop certain behaviour before it gets to tears or trouble. We were at my mother's recently and I told DD (5) to calm down and stop the silly behaviour. My mum said "oh but she's ok. It's fine." Yes mum but in about 3 minutes she will be all hysterical and I won't be able to get her to calm down!
Is she messing to get attention. Eg running out of time out gets more attention?
Google defiance disorder (may not be the right name!) for helpful hints. eg setting timer instead of issuing verbal reminders.
I dont know everything youve tried so might well be suggesting all things youve had a crack at.
What about flipping it. Instead of losing by not listening or by doing things you dont like, she earns things by not doing a, b, c.
So a bedtime book is earned by, for example, not screaming in your face, or whatever behaviour it is that yoy want to stamp out. Or by general good behaviour. Or good behaviour gets a smiley face and bad behaviour turns a smiley face into a frowny face and earning X each day requires Y number of smiley faces?
I read a book that talked about reaching toddlers to stop certain behaviours and how (especially with boys..) it's a skill to learn as one day they may well be stronger than you.
That said my son really struggles with it too. Can you try inventing silt games to play and practice stopping after a certain time? My son plays fights quite a lot, it mainly involves him crashing into one of is and falling over but we all have said when it's time to stop and he just about gets there. At first we would have to walk away until he learnt.
We also work on one 'punishment' and that's it.. If it's the step then he would stay there and then that would be it.
Good luck of course!!!
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