Can't cope(48 Posts)
Don't know if this is the right place to put this.
But don't know what to do. I have 3 children 2, 5 and 6. But everyday is so hard at the moment. I feel like I can't cope with them. I have family and my dh is a good dad but when I tell him how I feel or he sees me not coping he says things like other people get on with it why can't you. I do get on with things but I feel all I do is referee my older 2 and I can't ever do anything with them because the little one is always whinging or wanting attention so even simple things like Lego with them is impossible. She now has stopped her daytime naps so we have lost that time. It is fine in the week when they are at school but weekends are becoming so hard I am starting to dread them. I don't know what to do. I love my family.
You need support, from your dh and anyone else you feel comfortable to ask. Everyone's lives at so different and each parent is different and each child is different, your dh is wrong to compare you with other people. You've got to get him on board at the weekends. My two are 2.5 and 9 months and my dh worked at least a 13 hour day, every day, and I do pretty much everything with/for them in the week. the only way I can survive the weekends is with his help. It has taken a while but he is starting to get the weekend thing now. I find that just a little bit of planning during the week for the upcoming weekend helps......like when can he take one or two of your children so that you have a 'break' and planning a nice evening (ours just consists of take away and TV usually, but still feels like a treat) and if you have time going somewhere as a family, and if you have willing family getting them to watch oone, two or all of your children even if only for a few hours. I know it depends entirely on your circumstances, but you have to put yourself first. Really feel for you OP x
Get DH to take one out and leave you with 2 - or you go out with one and leave him with 2. Separate as much as possible. You have 2 very close in age so it isn't surprising that they argue. If your family is good send one of the older ones off for a sleepover so they not always together.
Try and get a break yourself. Go out for a few hours and leave DH with all of them.
Weekends are hard with DC, they're out of their usual routine and have to fight each other for attention. Do you take them out? Our local library does story time on a Saturday which is always a hit. My older two fight a lot but when we are out and about I mostly find them easier to deal with. I tell my eldest stuff like Lego is best for him to either play on his own or wait until there are two adults. It's too stressful otherwise. I've felt the way you do at times. But there are other things you can do together; dancing around to music, building dens, hide and seek...even helping with the washing or cooking something basic can feel amazing for DC because it means time with a parent and they are being trusted with something grown up. Are there things in particular you're struggling with or just the whole dynamic at the moment. I must say your DH could be more helpful than saying other people cope - how does he know that? We all struggle from time to time but your children probably need much less from you than you expect. Just knowing you are listening and there for them is often all they are looking for. Try not to beat yourself up. It's really hard work what we do, even when it looks like nothing, just getting my 3 fed, dressed, clean, rested and not tearing strips off each other is a full time job some days!
Thkyou. Lots of good tips there. dh is working all day tomorrow and I'm already dreading it. I feel like I constantly struggle and end up losing it with them at some point. It is better when I go out so I try and do that as much as I can. Just feel like I'm a complete failure and a crap mum to my kids who aren't really terrible prob just normal kids.
You are not a crap mum or you wouldn't be posting for help! Exhaust them - get them out to the park and tired out! It is hard - especially without a break.
I've reported the nasty, goady, belittling post below.
It's tough, especially when it's relentless and DH is being unhelpful.
I think you need to be able to ask for help - would your eldest two manage a sleepover with family/ friends once a month? You could have a friend back in their place and get out of the dynamic. Maybe give them a choice of where to go today? Do you have faith? Or even are you OK with the church? That could kill half your Sunday and it's all hopeful and Christmassy this time of year. Or is there a local place with extra put on for DC today.
Don't be ashamed to share your struggle, to buy in as much help as you can afford, and to accept help
Bitter your username? Actually pretty much every thing you say is untrue. Parents do need support you don't just learn to cope. Every one needs support, just living wether that's from family friends or advise books or forums like this. I'm damn sure you didn't just cope I'm sure your patents your partner friends supported you. I'm sorry if you didn't get support.
Parenting is hard and it's one job you don't get any training for theirs no magic hand book. How do you know wether you can cope until you have them? Looking after a sibling or friends child as trail run is very different to having your own and being with them 24/7. The ops children are very close in age at a difficult age.
op is there any way grandparents could help you mind the older two separately? So you can have a break/one on one time with them? Wear the little one out so they do have naps?!
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt yourusername12345678910 and assume you're so angry and bitter because you've been through some tough times/experiences and that you're not just a vile, goading bully. If that's the case, why don't you start your own thread? There must be a reason you've registered and commented today.
You've been on the Internet 5 years and you don't know what a troll is?!
Yes there's always someone worse off than you which is the very point of these forums to offer support and advice to those that are.
I've not had an easy life but unlike you I don't have any desire to belittle those who have issues even if I think the issues are trivial. Because their not to the poster and who knows there maybe people on here who have been through worse or the same as you. And your having a go at them.
people dont get support in real life it's all a lie
I do. I'm sorry that you don't.
What you mean is you didn't/don't get support and that's very sad. Many many people do!
Because how is that going to help someone struggling with their kids right now??
How does anyone know they can't cope with some of the challenges children bring until they have them? Are you suggesting they give their children away?
56 Eh? Okay so that would mean you have been pregnant for 504 months, which is 42 years. So say you had your first at 16 that would make you now 58 at least.... So can I suggest you stop trying to insult us by saying we're all 60 year olds because you're not far off it seems.
Yes and the parents are doing everything to make their children happy that's why their asking for help and advice!
56 kids erm is that biologically posiable?!
It's crucial though. It is not fair on their children they deserve to be happy and only happy and yes I have 56 children.
Again, how on earth would anyone know before they have children whether they will be able to cope with the challenges it brings? And different children bring different challenges.
I have 2 children and while I can 'cope', it's bloody hard. And I'm pretty sure that me finding parenting difficult at times does now make them any less happy.
I win! I have 42 children, everyone knows that is the perfect number.
Back to the genuine OP .....
Don't feel guilty lass, it doesn't feel like it just now but You are a good Mum you are here, trying to manage the problem.
Other posters (with experience of multiple dc) will give better advice. I had one dc and it didn't phase me until school age for some reason.
Between the age of 5-14 I barely scraped by it was luck!
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