I had my first baby a week ago after a straightforward pregnancy and birth. He was a much wanted baby and I never thought I would feel like this once he arrived.
I expected that once I got my baby, it would be difficult - but that the overwhelming love I had for him would carry me through. But that never happened. I feel awful admitting it, but I don't love him - and I'm terrified that I never will. I feel like I made a massive mistake having him and that I was never meant to be a mother.
I'm hugely sleep-deprived, which doesn't help - he wakes every 1.5 hrs in the night and then won't settle for an hour or so, and in the day will rarely sleep anywhere apart from with me. But instead of feeling like it's ok because he's my son, I feel like I resent him for it and I regret having him.
These feelings then make me feel even more low because I feel guilty - I know I shouldn't feel this way and I desperately want that mythical bond with him, but I just can't find it. I cry every day, and I've lost interest in doing the activities I used to enjoy. My life feels like a cycle of feed-cry-feed-cuddle with no positives (apart from my wonderful husband who is being incredibly supportive, and cuddling me every time I cry and sitting up with me at night).
I feel awful just putting this stuff out there as I know it makes me sound like the world's worst mother, but I'm getting desperate to hear that this is normal and it will just go away and I will love my child.
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Parenting
Struggling with my 1 week old
49 replies
Noof · 04/12/2015 12:47
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