What's for lunch today? Take inspiration from Mumsnetters' tried-and-tested recipes in our Top Bananas! cookbook - now under £10Find out more
How do Introverts cope with Extrovert children?(15 Posts)
Is it likely to happen? What if you're a quiet loving kind of person...kids are all noisy, right? What do you do? Do you go mad?
Haha of course it could happen. My hub is very quiet and reserved and my daughter is def a loud extrovert, I am also an extrovert and he puts up with us just fine
The constant attention seeking washes over me like tidal waves. I sort of nod & he moves onto next scatterbrained idea.
As an extrovert child of an introvert, I would say probably quite badly.
It is awful seeing your words washing over your Mother like a tidal wave and for it to have zero impact on her desire to want to interact with you. So you try something else scatterbrained, all the while knowing that she likes you best when you are at school/asleep/silent.
We did drive her mad, and she couldn't help but let us know through the constant shushing/pained face/"5 minutes peace!".
I am am introvert and I honestly never truly realised how much until I had children. I find the constant wall of noise/demands of young children (regardless of temperament) really hard work and frankly grinding and I would say I'm definitely less happy overall as a result even though I love them to bits and wouldn't change anything.
I have one extrovert and one introvert and I would say both are equally hard work for me as an introvert to deal with for different reasons. The extrovert is easy if there are other children around as they skip off, make friends and play, but when alone with me/family they get over active and boisterous/exuberant as there is no outlet for their energy.
The introvert while you would think would be more compatible wants to be right by my side all the time if I am around (they are very happy to play and socialise if I am not there as an option), practically under my skin if they had their way, which means I get no peace/space at all when they are around, which is very bad for me as an introvert who craves and thrives on space and quiet.
So I wouldn't say having an extrovert in itself would be difficult for an introvert parent, more having children in general. I have found it gets easier year by year however as they grow and independence is forged, but the early years for me has really felt like a death march and has definitely made a (hopefully temporary) change on my mental wellbeing. Sorry I know that sounds negative and it doesn't at all convey the joy they also bring into my life, but it is the reality of the situation.
It's ok to be an introvert (I say this because it's something I've only quite recently realised after a lifetime of trying to "fix" myself and be more outgoing and social and "normal"). You need to understand your limits and try to strike a balance between what FarticCircle experienced and driving yourself completely distracted .
Dh is an extrovert, as is ds1. Ds2 is too small to be sure yet.
I make sure I spend time concentrating on Dh & ds1, listening even when they seem to be talking constantly, interacting, questioning, sharing even when I'd rather retreat and be on my own.
In return, they know that sometimes I really need time on my own - either out of the house or in my room. Dh especially facilitates this and I'm very grateful.
I agree with idont. It's kids full stop, not specifically extrovert kids.
I'd recommend getting divorced so that you have a day or two's break every week... (with a bit of luck)
Seriously, I have one extrovert child and she needs company all the time. She is VERY demanding. I try to arrange as many activities for her as possible - it's what she loves.
I also have an introvert child who is a pleasure to live with.
I'm an introvert and find extrovert ds1 (7) and introvert ds2 (5) difficult in different ways. Ds1 gets bored very easily at home, and needs constant interaction from a screen or a person, which is wearing sometimes when just need some introvert time. However at school and outside the house he's incredibly easy. Introvert ds2 on the other hand is easy at home, being content to just potter about and play by himself, but trickier at school, hates parties, gets overwhelmed by new or overly social occasions etc. All children are easy and hard in different ways!
Haha you joke LittleSnaily but I have often looked at the arrangements of separated parents with shared custody with envy. All the "every other weekend" thing, and some days each week, not to mention when the other partner takes them off on holiday for TWO WHOLE WEEKS every year. Other than the obvious rather large downside of divorce etc, it does seem very appealing ;-)
Actually, dh takes ds1 away for a few days just the two of them every year - I miss them, but god it's bliss! (ds1 was an only until fairly recently)
DD is an extrovert and sporty - this is great because she spends a lot of time training with her team. I allow lots of sleepovers and
hide in the living room leave them to it. However, DD also loves reading, slobbing in front of various screens which gives me the space I need.
We have a lot of fun together and she thinks it's perfectly normal for mummy to fall asleep to the sound of her chattering on when it's way past DD's bedtime
I'm an introvert and 3.5 yo DS is definitely an extrovert. But just because they're extroverted doesn't mean they can't learn to play quietly by themselves. Granted it doesn't last as long as I'd like, but he can happily play in his room for half an hour or so, and I've learned to make the most of those breaks. I read a few chapters of a book, browse the internet or sometimes just do nothing. Even just a little quiet to myself is refreshing.
The harder thing for me is that he often wants to go out. He wants to see people and do things out and mostly I'd just like to stay home and read a book together or have a cuddle. I try to balance it though, because if I do keep him in all the time, he gets a bit stir crazy.
I'm more interested in how an extrovert parent (me) copes with introverted children (3 out of 4 of mine). I find it very hard to deal with. I constantly fret about their social lives and how they come across to others. And they hate that I am loud and 'embarrassing'.
Something I read that really resonated with me (and like all these soundbites is probably far too simplistic) was:
- Extroverts get energy from being around other people and in social situations. They find being alone for too long draining and need to get out and socialise to recharge.
- Introverts find that being around other people and in social situation drains their stores of energy. They need to be alone to recharge.
So, an introvert child (like I was) might enjoy being social sometimes, particularly with people they know and are comfortable with and don't have to put on too much of an effort to be "sociable" with, but they also need their down time to recharge, re-energise and be up for more socialising.
I get really quite antsy if I have too many activities planned in any one week and I think part of that is having a mother who was very social and encouraged us to join lots of clubs etc - aged 8 I had something on every week night. I'd have probably been ok with 1 or 2.
Join the discussion
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.