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Help me please

(2 Posts)
Kez197405 Tue 01-Dec-15 21:08:27

Hello
I'm desperate for some help/advise.
im a divorced mum with 5 children. 4 children live with myself and 1 with dad. This was the child's choice.
Children have contact with both parent on alternate weekends. Recently when my child came for contact with us, they have returned to dad claiming things have been said about him and his new partner. Why my child is doing and saying such things beyond me. I now have my 2 eldest children saying if my child comes to stay for contact they want to stay at friends. That way they can't be accused of slagging of dad and new partner.
What do I do?
I don't want my children to feel uncomfortable in their own home.
I don't know what to do. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
Tia

lucyrivens Wed 02-Dec-15 14:47:24

Tia - sometimes things can seem far worse than they really are.
This kind of thing amongst separated families can be perfectly normal and natural as things settle down and they adjust.
The only thing you reasonably need to do is communicate with all your children and listen to their point of view. Let them know you love and value then all. Listening rather than simply pushing your point of view - listening is a great way to let kids let out all their steam and their worries - often they will moderate their own behaviours - on their own - once they have let off steam.
My advice is get the whole family together and discuss it calmly and let everyone have there say without arguing. Let everyone have there say in turn and leave it at that for a while. Sometimes there is little point in fighting to try and resolve something that will sort itself out over a period of time.
Also make sure you discuss things with your ex partner (dad and his partner) and always keep communication lines open. Dont argue or accuse - just talk calmly.

Hope it works out Lucy xx

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