Finding it hard...

[bunny85]

Hi all,

I had my first baby 2 weeks ago and both me and my partner are finding things very hard. Problem is, he's a perfect baby during the day, sleeps like an angel, wakes up every 2-3h (he's breastfed) and hardly cries. Just as clock strikes 10pm it's like he becomes another person: he's fussy, crying and screaming, wants the boob every 5 mins, feeds for a short time, falls asleep in my arms and as soon as I move him into his bed the screaming starts. We have a chicco next 2 me cot but he never sleeps in it - we have to take him to bed with us and even there he hardly sleeps. He wants to be on his breastfeeding pillow and sleep on it. Only at night though as he sleeps anywhere during the day! Nighttime fussiness continues non stop until about 8 in the morning when he becomes himself again and falls asleep happily anywhere.

We are getting 3-4 h of broken sleep a night and my fiancé is working 6 days a week and we are just so so exhausted.


Any advice? Many thanks in advance.

[TwinklyMusic]

Congratulations on your baby and welcome to new parenthood! .

I'm afraid very broken sleep and exhaustion are the norm in the first few weeks. But I can promise it does get easier eventually.

In the meantime, you need to get your sleep when you can - if that's in the morning when baby drifts off, then so be it.

Baby might prefer the breast feeding pillow because of the smell of you and the milk. Smell is very important to babies.

Co-sleeping worked really well for me. My babies slept much better in the bed with me, and then so did I. The problem with it is that if you are in anyway restless, then it will disturb baby. So try relaxing and deep breathing. Babies usually take their sleepy cues from their parents breathing and behaviour. He doesn't know that night time is for sleeping.

The best thing you can do is to teach him about night time by giving him a very definite routine. He will eventually learn.

You might not want to hear this, but, while your baby us still learning about night time, and if your DP needs to get some sleep because of work, it might be better if dp sleeps elsewhere. That's also something we did. My DH used to bring me breakfast in bed before he went to work, and he took the older dc to school. So that I could rest after baby's busy night!

It is hard in the first few weeks, but you will get to sleep again!

[Dixiechick17]

Those first few weeks are really tough. We used to no be able to get my DD asleep at night before 3am and were walking zombies. Babiea have a lot of littlw growth spurts in the beginning which can cause clusterfeeds, they are also helping to establish your milk supply.

It does get better, when your baby sleeps in the day try and sleep then. They can't differentiate between night and day at that age. We used to lay DD on the bed next to us when sleepy as she was comforted by us, then once asleep properly we would gently transfer her to her crib by the bed. In the end we bought a sleepyhead which made transferring her to the crib much easier. Not saying a sleepyhead is thw solution, it just helped us.

Do you have any sleepaids such as white noise, apps for babies with heartbeat and placental noises on them. We had Ewan the dream sheep and he was brilliant for soothing her.

[m33r]

The beginning is so tough! As PP said, my DH who worked full time started going into the spare bed at midnight every night. He then came in at 6am and took our LB then brought me breakfast in bed at 8 before getting ready and going to work. That gave him 6 consecutive hours and me 2.

This worked for us. I hope you find something which works for you but this will pass x

[na5ima]

Congratulations

It is soo hard at first.. I really struggle 5month ago when I had DS. My husband refused to move in the other room as I use to cry a lot however it does get better.. It's amazing but it doesn't and when I look back I'm like why did I struggle but I did. My son wanted my boobs every hour during the day as well as at night.. I was scared going out etc but when I came across white noise my life felt better.. He started to sleep thru..

I downloaded an app called sleep4baby and only works when their tired.. I rather listen to the vacuum noise then a baby crying lol

Keep positive and it'll get better promise

[ODog]

What you are describing sounds so so normal. It's super tough but you will get through it and it will slowly improve. Co-sleeping was our lifesaver. Cluster feeding at night is normal and actually very good for supply as this is when milk production is at its peak (from what I've read, I'm not an expert), so babies are hard-wired to cluster feed then. My DS didn't sleep almost half as well as yours during the day, I would have killed for that, so try to catch up on sleep as much as possible then. Everything will change very soon, and again, and again. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not. 18 months down the line and I have learnt that sleep is not a linear thing. It's 2 steps forwards and 1 step back, but it does get easier.

[bunny85]

Thank you everyone for your support and advices. Sorry couldn't reply earlier as I'm a walking zombie and can hardly remember things anymore except for feeding the LO which he won't let me forget!

Right now I'm up yet again, and I'm dreading another sleepless night as I'm starting to feel physically unwell. It just took us about 3 or 4 hours to get DS to sleep in my arms. I won't even think of putting him in our bed next to me as now even this is not good enough anymore. I don't know how to carry on like this.

I'll have to try some white noise as you suggest... I'm just so so tired and sleep deprived that I feel I can pass out any minute. Thanks for telling me it'll get better. I so hope it will.

[southlondonbaby]

it gets better hang in there! Our little one is 3 months- for month 1 she slept on one of our chests while the other watched in case she fell off. Haha- wallies!

[Ladypug]

Can't help but just wanted to say im in the same boat! DD is 4 weeks and I'm knackered but a friend told me it should improve from week 6 once their growth spurt has passed - hope so! Hang on in there fellow night owl, we've got this!

[youlemming]

DD2 was the same, would scream every time I put her in the moses at night but I could move about with her and she wouldn't stir!
I slept propped up on pillows for the first few wks, we then got a poddle pod which she was happy in during the day and put this in the bed between us, once she got used to sleeping in that we recreated the closeness with rolled up blankets under the sheet around the sides of the moses.
Took a while but somewhere between 4 and 6 wks she was sleeping happily in the moses.

Hang in there things do get better even if it doesn't seem like it now.
Be good to yourself and make sure you eat little and often to keep your energy up even in the night have snacks and water to hand, breastfeeding takes a lot out of you on top of the lack of sleep.

[TheLesserSpottedBee]

Have you got any support other than your partner? I helped my friend when her baby was little (and mine were older) she fed the baby, then went to bed, I changed the baby's nappy etc.

The crying when putting into a cot could be that next to you your baby is toasty warm and then you remove the warmth when you move him to the cot. I think I did some weird slow move away from me thing and transferred to the moses basket so the heat loss was slower.

It is really hard for the first few weeks, the exhaustion is awful. Sleep when you can, sod all non essential housework and don't think you should be doing stuff. You have just had a baby, you need to rest. Your body is recovering from a pregnancy and birth.

Call in help where you can. For my friend, I have stripped beds, washed laundry, batch cooked a meal that you can just bung in the oven, no standing at a hob stirring etc because that is what friends do.

[bunny85]

Thank you everyone! I do hope it'll get better..

Ladypug, I remember you from pregnancy board. Congratulations on your baby girl!

Yes I do have lots of support. My mum is staying with us for 1.5 months and she's doing literally everything - cooking, laundry, cleaning... All I do is feeding the LO, but since I don't get any sleep I feel incredibly tired. Mum is leaving soon (she lives abroad) and I don't want to imagine what it'll be like without her help

[Ladypug]

Hi! Fancy chatting to you on here at this hour! for what it's worth, I've found it easier since DH has gone back to work and DD and I have got into our own swing a little. I think I'm about a week ahead of you time wise and I can honestly say I've seen a massive change this week for the better. Still a long way to go but sleeping a little better and DD and I starting to "get" each other a bit more!

[Trickytricky]

Often babies dislike the cool Moses basket/crib having been feeding/asleep on you. This is more marked at night as heating tends to be lower. I put a hot water bottle in the Moses basket/crib wrapped in a t-shirt I've worn. Then when I've finished feeding I move DD into a nice warm crib - I find this really helps. The crib/Moses basket will smell like you and be warm. I then wrap the hot water bottle in a warm blanket so it remains warm (on the floor/side) until she wakes up again and then when I take the baby out to feed I put the hot water bottle back into crib to warm up again. Good luck.

[anotherbusymum14]

Just want to say I hear you and I had one that did the same. Easy all day and come night time cry and demand feed from about 5pm and most the night.
The time did pass.
I slept in a mattress is baby's room to let my hubby sleep (we had other kids too) and I just found it easier sleeping and waking, feeding etc and just concentrating on that alone, until the demand feeding passed. It was the best thing I did. (During the day I got help at the 5pm time to pass baby over for feeding and hand baby back for changing etc). It's a busy time but it does pass.
As its your first just sleep when baby sleeps during the day. Make the most of that time with your first baby (it's pretty much the only time you can).
Hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[Ladypug]

I think generally yourusernamescumbag Ppl just like reassurance on here. Even Ppl who really want kids and prepare as much as they can it's still a shock to - nothing can prepare you for it. However I'm sure OP will appreciate your useful constructive advice ;-) the other x

[Ladypug]

Oops posted too soon! The other comments are really interesting, particularly the hot water bottle trick!

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Ignore the silly troll

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Glad you got some advice from some genuinely nice posters

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Go and get a life

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Play with yourself

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Sure that's nothing new. Byee

[HoundoftheBaskervilles]

Welcome to the world, you're two weeks in, it's hard, your life will never be the same, it's a shock.

You could co-sleep, do dream-feeds. You don't have to have a plan, I remember those first few days with a newborn. You're scared, you have responsibility for a human being - How The Hell Did That Happen?

You think you can work your way out of it. You can't, they're little people. Just nurture and accept that you will be knackered, sleep when you can, grab an hour or two.

Even though they were in some way desperate times I look back at my first few weeks of Motherhood as something wonderful and quite beautiful. Give it time, and give yourself up to the process, you have to give yourself to it.

And huge congrats