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Anyone else had a child that seemed unbothered by your existence?

(13 Posts)
Flamingo1980 Fri 27-Nov-15 14:08:47

First time poster so please be gentle. My daughter is nearly three and for a long time now just seems utterly unbothered by my existence. In all other ways she's totally normal, hits all her milestones and is an easy, healthy, happy and very sociable child. People adore her as she's very funny, charming and chatty.
I just feel every day like a completely redundant mother. She never tries to sit with me or on my lap. She squirms away if I try to do this. She's doesn't care when I drop her at nursery, doesn't even look back when I leave. She doesn't want to fall asleep in my bed, will ask to be in hers and won't kiss good night. Doesn't seemed fussed when I go to her in the morning.
She has never cuddled me - never - not even as a small baby. If she hurts herself she does come to me for me to kiss it better but then is off again after two seconds. She isn't affectionate to any other adults either it's not just me but I have noticed she's affectionate to children her age or younger. She's very affectionate and caring towards her dolls?!
I love my daughter and I hate to admit this but I don't feel we are bonded at all and I'm devastated by this. I'm a single mum and she doesn't see the father at all.
Does anyone have any similar experiences and if so what happened? What did you do or not do? Did it change at all or is this it now? Please please help.

AlmaMartyr Fri 27-Nov-15 16:22:09

So sorry this went unanswered. I'm not really sure I can advise particularly. My DD always preferred her dad and was very independent. She's cuddlier these days (7). Bumping for you.

UsernameIncorrect Fri 27-Nov-15 16:25:46

Mine is much the same (15 now), I think it's just the way they are.

insan1tyscartching Fri 27-Nov-15 16:33:21

My eldest daughter preferred her Dad and has never been a cuddly child with anyone. Even as a tot she stand with her hands out and say"I don't do hugs" if it looked likely that anyone might try.
She's 22 now and we have a great relationship, I realise that I'm not one for huge displays of affection either so she obviously gets it from me although maybe more extreme.
I'd find activities and interests that you can share, ss and I have spent many happy hours sppending time together doing things we enjoy,focus on those and stop worrying about the hugs. She loves you just as my dd loves me they just don't shout it from the rooftops.

paisley256 Fri 27-Nov-15 16:40:27

Yes my 5 year old son. Every day i try to work out how and why this has happened but he just doesn't seem bothered whether I'm there or not. Like your dd he's very affectionate towards other little one's but it's like he can't stand being near me. He gets on very well with his brothers 10 and 9 and they are all close, as am I with his siblings, but with me and him I don't understand if I've done something wrong or if it's just the way he is. It bothers me a lot really.

Lulabellarama Fri 27-Nov-15 16:48:51

Yep, this is DS1 to a tee. I was also a single mother with a completely absent father.
He is now 13 and I'm not sure he's ever told me he loved me and has probably only cuddled me on a couple of occasions when ill of his own accord. It's far better now than it was as we have a relationship that isn't based on 'need' but on enjoying one another's company, he has a great sense of humour.
Over the years I contemplated whether he had autistic traits and I guess it's still a possibility but he can be very sociable around his friends and finds social situations in general pretty easy. I think he just doesn't have the same emotional needs as the general population.

So my sympathies, I know it can be hard.

SoDiana Fri 27-Nov-15 17:01:11

She sounds like a very self assured and independent wee lady, so I would take that as a compliment that you have done a damned good job.

Flamingo1980 Fri 27-Nov-15 18:31:21

Thank you so much for your replies, I'm reassured by some that it will get better and others not but its all honest and of course all in the lap of the gods if she changes or not! I accept that it's not fair to shoulder such a huge burden on her and it's my needs, not hers that I'm addressing and I feel dreadful for that. But I do worry that it's affecting our bond and maybe even her emotional development as I'm sure kids need skin contact for their brain to develop properly. I'm happy that she's really secure and independent but I do secretly and selfishly wish she was a bit more affectionate to let me know that she does want to be around me. I find it really confusing and upsetting that she doesn't seem to care especially compared to my friends children who all cuddle their mums. It really breaks my heart watching everyone getting cuddles from their children whilst mine sits far away from me....

Hydradela Fri 27-Nov-15 18:56:04

My first one was like this until her sister came along when she was 2 1/2. Dd2 loved cuddles from the word go and hangs off me like a monkey most of the time, constantly telling me how much she loves me, even now at 5. She couldn't be more different than dd1. Dd1 watched this for a while and then decided she was missing out! She will now ask for cuddles or hug me but still prefers her own space. Her physical contact need are more the rough and tumble type with lots of tickling. There is no way she'd ever tell me she loves me.

What I'm trying to say is that everyone is different.

UsernameIncorrect Sat 28-Nov-15 13:08:16

My daughter would never hug me or tell me she loves me. It seems to make her uncomfortable so I obviously leave it. She's surgically attached to her friends though, and they all declare their undying love for each other every five minutes. Depending on my mood I can feel a bit hurt or I can roll my eyes.

UsernameIncorrect Sat 28-Nov-15 13:09:19

And it's just the two of us as well, always has been.

NeitherQuietNorCalm Sat 28-Nov-15 14:50:34

Have you posted about this before under different names?

Flamingo1980 Sat 28-Nov-15 15:28:10

Hydrella she's the same. Loves rough and tumble and tickles! Hmm.
This is my first post neither although I've commented on a few other posts before

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