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Feel like I'm getting it all wrong.

(14 Posts)
Nottalotta Mon 23-Nov-15 06:50:39

DS is 4 months old. His nap have gone to shit, I have to word hard to get him to nap at all. Occasionally he will randomly fall asleep on me for 2 hours (once in the past week)

Yesterday he was ready for a nap - put in bounce chair and bounced for an hour. No sleep but quiet/vacant look. Then screaming. Gave up picked up. Tried to feed - screaming. Carried/rocked. Still no sleep. Walked out in pram - screamed for 15 minutes then slept for half an hour. Every becoming like this - other than if in the car. Won't even feed to sleep reliably any more. So i was marching down the road in tears. Co-sleep, sleep over night not too bad. Fed a lot last night. Properly awake 4.45. Ready to sleep again fairly soon after but had already fed loads so screaming again. And me crying again. Will only settle over my shoulder and i struggle to sustain this for long.

Won't take a bottle. Will have a little bit but then just chews/dribbled. I can't express enough to try daily. When i have the time to express i don't get much. So can't get a break. Can't even give formula if he won't take the bottle. But don't want to anyway. Husband is fucking useless. He does work ling hours, two jobs. Has been doing 7 days a week with just 2-3 hrs at weekends early mornings. So yes he's doing a lot. But hasn't changed a nappy, dressed or bathed baby. Or been for a walk. We've taken him out together once. Its worse than doing it on my own because if i was on my own i would resent him not helping and my family would help more.

Started the day sobbing. He's asleep on my shoulder now and I'm scared to move him.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 23-Nov-15 07:00:07

Big hugs as I also have a nap refusing 4 month old. She also wakes hourly overnight. And won't take a bottle. And a 2 year old.
Have you tried a sling? The only way I can get mine to nap is in the sling or the car (sometimes). I can't really take her out for drives due to my toddler so rely heavily on the sling to get her to sleep. It means I don't get to sit down (she wakes up) but at least she's asleep.
If DH is only working 2-3 hours at the weekend what's his justification for not helping out? My DH works long hours with 3 hours commuting each day but when he's at home he does nappy changes/dressing/bathing/playing/taking her for a drive while toddler is napping so I get a break/takes them both to the park/supermarket etc. You doing absolutely everything is not sustainable.
You're not messing anything up. I'm my experience this is a tough age. I was up 7 times in the night with mine (wakes 1-2 hourly and only goes back to sleep with a BF) and I keep telling myself that it will pass. With DD1 I remember things getting easier around the 6m mark so am clinging on to that.

Nottalotta Mon 23-Nov-15 08:24:54

Thanks worlds

I put him down,, he woke but fed back to sleep for an extra hour. Nighttime are ok i think because of the sleeping. Last night wa constant feeding.

Dh is tired at weekends. He has things to do apparently. We spoke this weekend about giving one job up. He feels like he's in my way when he's here, he is as he doesn't help and just, well gets in my way really. And i do more (cooking washing up etc) than i would alone.

I do have a carrier and yes i use it every days. I just don't feel its sustainable as my back aches a lot. Can't get to grips with the stretch wrap. What sling do you use?

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 23-Nov-15 08:28:10

I use the close Caboo at the moment and it's really comfy (and DD is pretty huge!).
Could you give him specific tasks to do? You shouldn't have to but it might be the only way of getting some help.

Nottalotta Mon 23-Nov-15 08:30:26

He also doesn't like being put down on playmate etc, for very long at all. Occurred to me yesterday how will he learn to roll over, sit up if he's never on the floor?

Nottalotta Mon 23-Nov-15 08:33:39

I did look at a close caboo when pregnant, like a pre tied wrap? Will it last much longer do you think?

I think yes specific tasks are a good idea. He tends to say ' oh ill just do this' by which time the window of opportunity (with DS) has passed.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 23-Nov-15 08:51:58

DD is 91st centile and not showing any signs of outgrowing it yet. Yes it's pre tied to really easy to put on, I love it and wish I'd had one with my first baby.
With regards to being on the floor, I would just put him down for small amounts of time and pick him up again when he gets grumpy. The length of time he'll be put down for should gradually increase. Do you have a bouncy chair or anything like that? I'm quite lucky in that DD2 will happily be put down for a while (chair/floor/inflatable ring) whereas DD1 just wanted to be held, on my knee, facing outwards for about 6 months!
Does he like tummy time?

NicM87 Mon 23-Nov-15 09:10:25

I always found that DS would sleep much better in his cot, on his own! It took me a while to work this out.. Still now & 10 months he prefers to be in his cot for naps, if we are out in the day he will only fall asleep if he is really tired and never for very long but it doesn't feel as bad if your occupied yourself!! Hope you get a rest soon brew

Artandco Mon 23-Nov-15 09:21:06

At that age mine napped in pram, on me or dh or in sling almost all the time.

What we did have was a sheepskin rug. We could lay it on our lap and baby would fall asleep being cuddled or rocked with the sheepskin, then after about 15 mins asleep we would lift rug with baby on it and lay it on the floor. Baby stayed asleep 99% of the time as the feeling of the sheepskin was the Same I think and warm

We have one from gabe and grace, like this. They are very good quality and have slits in so can be used in pram also. Ours is still being used now almost 6 years on a chair kids use for reading.

Sling wise - I would recommend the boba 4g at his age. The close caboo is good but most don't recommend after 5/6months as say it stretches too much with larger baby so it would be a waste now. The boba is great as can use now, and all through toddlerhood. I used our sling lots as babies, but also with 2/3 year old who didn't need the pram really, but might want to be carried 20 mins when tired or if it started raining and we wanted to be home quick. Great for at train stations/ airports also if it's busy and you want them close and faster between a and b.

NickyEds Mon 23-Nov-15 13:55:52

I think your baby is probably getting over tired and frustrated, my dd is sometimes just the same- the screaming is soul destroying. I second using a sling. I started out trying to get her to sleep in the bouncy chair but when that was just leading to tiny cat naps and total meltdowns I've settled on the sling and on my lap whilst toddler naps. She will now go to sleep in her bouncy chair occasionally because her sleep pattern has got better and perhaps just because she's got a tiny bit older (she's 18 weeks). I've got a Caboo too and it's been fantastic, really easy to use and very comfortable. Dd is quite small so it's fine for now but I'm thinking of getting a non stretchy one at Christmas. I've got a Mothercare carrier and a Baby Bjorn- avoid these, they'll break your back. i really think a proper sling might be the way forward op, at least until your ds gets into a better sleeping pattern.

Nottalotta Mon 23-Nov-15 15:33:37

Thanks all. The thing is I worked really hard on naps, and spotting the tired signs but the things that worked a few weeks ago don't anymore. So i know he needs to sleep but he just resists all efforts to get him to sleep. Including sling, bouncy chair and won't even feed to sleepduring the day now. Today I have walked round sainsbury for an hour longer than i needed as he fell asleep in his pram. :-

Really need to get along to a sling meet but they are few and far between where i live.

Thanks everyone. So far feeling better - been out most of the day so rapped in car and pram and cleared my head a bit. :-)

Nottalotta Mon 23-Nov-15 21:57:35

Then the husband came home and made me feel Shit again. Positive - while he was going on, baby fell asleep on my lap, where he stayed for 2.5hrs. Woke for half an hour (got him changed and ready for bed, and mysf ready) then fed back to sleep! Much better. Fx for tomorrow a.m.

magpie17 Mon 23-Nov-15 22:10:19

You're doing fine honestly, I think it's a tough stage. My DS is 4 months and is a massive nap avoider, it's a total carry on to try and get him to sleep during the day (rocking, shushing, singing etc) and can take ages so that he gets really overtired and starts screaming. Today we had inconsolable crying for over an hour because he missed his window to nap. I also see all the signs and he is tired but just won't switch off. Like yours, he will sleep in the carrier or pram but it's not always practical to be out all the time especially in this weather (I don't drive).

Most of the time he ends up sleeping on me because it's all that works, and even then I have to rock him for ages but then my husband wonders what I've been up to all day because I can't move to do any jobs!

DS also doesn't like his mat much, he'll lie for about five minutes but then start crying and just wants to be held.

I keep reminding myself that one day he won't want a cuddle from his mum so I should just enjoy it but it's not always easy. I'm just hoping that naps improve eventually once he starts crawling etc. I think we just have to keep doing what we're doing and try not to go mental!

reallywittyname Tue 24-Nov-15 21:11:18

Sounds like the 4 month sleep regression to me. It will pass, but his sleep is much more like an adults now and he has to get used to it. Also, his brain is full of new stuff and he's probably on the verge of rolling or sitting, and his mind is going so fast he can't switch off - a bit like when you have a busy day at work and you're so full of ideas and lists and thoughts it's really hard to relax. It does pass though but it's so tough while you're in the middle of it.

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