fathers seeing their chidren

[m0m0]

heya all, i am new here and i am really interested to hear what peoples views are on a Mother stopping a good father seeing his children, for no reason other than a relationship break down.

[Seeyounearertime]

Not enough info to comment more than to say every child deserves a relationship with both parents unless it is detrimental to said child.

[Pantone363]

Every decent parent deserves a relationship with their child. Children should be allowed to foster a relationship with both parents equally.

Ideas on what a 'good' parent are differ widely.

[m0m0]

i understand that all circumstances are different, but i mean as a general rule, when the father has been a great father to his children,honestly never done anything wrong to his children and the mother just can't cope with the break up so won't allow the father too see the children?

[BaronessEllaSaturday]

when the father has been a great father to his children,honestly never done anything wrong to his children

there are ways that you can have a bad father who doesn't appear or think he has done anything wrong to his children simply because what he has done is nothing.

What has the person done that makes them a great father?

[WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant]

IMHO

Acceptable reasons for kids not seeing their father

Violence
Distance ( eg one parent moved 200 miles away, won't be able to collect from school every night for an hour), but weekends may be an option here?
Un reliability ( father never shows up when arrangements have been made. Ok, first 1 or 2 may be genuine reason...)

The child doesn't want to see them ( probably more senior school age)
Exclusive breast feeding
Father incapable (or unwilling) of providing extra medical care needed

Of course, these work for absent mothers too!

Not every parent wants to see their child. Not every child wants to see their absent parent.

But if they kids had a good relationship with their dad before the split, it's usually a good idea to keep it up, if possible.

[m0m0]

well i am a believer that if a father is there for his children helping raise them and helping to provide for them then that makes him a good dad.so long as he is not abusive in any way to them, then he should always have a place in their lives,

[m0m0]

i totally believe that the only acceptable reason for stopping a father seeing his children is if he has been abusive to them, the children themselves.

[MrsLeighHalfpenny]

Why are you asking? Are you the mother or the father?

[Toffeelatteplease]

Well good for you.

[Biscuit]

[wannabestressfree]

New to mumsnet - check
Goady thread- check
Already raising my heckles as pointlessly posting.......

[m0m0]

i am asking simply because i am the wife of a man whom is having to fight tooth and nail to see his child and it just got me thinking how often it happens. i know loads of guys who either are in this situation or have been in this situation at some point, i also no many women who point blank refuse access to some fathers and openly admit the guy doesnt deserve it but it makes their lives easier. this is not a goady message as it has been called, it is a genuine question.

[LinghamStyle]

A father who has a history of violence towards the childs mother or others is not acceptable in my opinion. So he hasn't been violent towards the child . .
. yet.

The child is also affected by the consequences and fallout of the fathers violent actions towards others.

[JeffsanArsehole]

Really?

The only men I know who don't see their children do so because they choose it that way. And they don't want to contribute so do a runner.

It's great your new husband is paying child support, many don't.

[m0m0]

if the father has been violent to the mother then he should have supervised contact and have to undertake anger management. not that it makes it right whatsoever but some adults just rub each other up the wrong way, some adults just bring out the worst in others, some adults make awful partners but doesn't automatically make them bad parents.

[m0m0]

my husband has been my husband for 4 years and we have been together for 6 years, so not at all new. he has paid a massive amount towards his child every single month since the break up and has fought in court for many many years, one step forward, 2 steps back, all the time. its awful this is allowed to happen.

[BrianCoxReborn]

If an ex partner had been violent toward me during our relationship, there would be nobody on this earth that would make me allow access to my children

I don't allow my children access to violent people. End of.

Your husband sounds like a selfish, pathetic, bully.

[BrianCoxReborn]

So because he pays maintenance, he should be able to see them?

Are they a commodity?

[MarkRuffaloCrumble]

DCs are not pay per view. If he has been abusive towards their mum and several courts over the space of several years haven't enforced access, either there's something you're not mentioning or there's something HE hasn't told you.

[BrianCoxReborn]

I'm rereading in case I've got the wrong end of the stick


But from what I can gather you are saying that because he was never violent to the children (and because he and his.ex."rubbed each other up the wrong way, therefore justifying his violence toward her) his ex is being unreasonable?

Have I really read that right?

You're arguing the case for a perpetrator of domestic violence?

[BrianCoxReborn]

Courts aren't bastards for the lolz.

There's more to this than you're prepared to say or have been told.

If the latter, wake up.

[MummyZELC]

If the only reason (honestly) that children are prevented from seeing their father is because the ex wants to
spite him then it is absolutely fucking wrong. Too many mothers use their children as a pawn with their fathers and more often than not it negatively affects the children as well!

[LinghamStyle]

What about violence towards people other than the mother? My ex has assaulted the police, hospital staff, members of my family, members of his family and a teacher. They all rubbed him up the wrong way though, same as I did.

[m0m0]

whoa whoa whoa, wait a minute, why on earth is my husband a pathetic, bully? for wanting to see his child? he is an amazing father, he has NEVER been violent to anyone in his life, this is why my original post states if the father has been a good dad and done nothing wrong. the reason we get 1 step forward 2 steps back is because the mum agrees to everything in court then goes back on it all afterwards. cafcass and contact center reports say how great he is with his child and they can't believe this woman is getting away with playing the system the way she is.

[m0m0]

never once did i say he was violent, someone said 1 way a man should be kept from his kids is domestic violence, and i was just stating that sometimes people just don't work, i am not in any way shape or form saying domestiv violence is ok, from man to woman or from woman to man, it is never ok! i am just saying that every child deserves a father and in some circumstances safety measures should be put in place to allow this,ie contact centers.

[BrianCoxReborn]

if the father has been violent to the mother then he should have supervised contact and have to undertake anger management. not that it makes it right whatsoever but some adults just rub each other up the wrong way, some adults just bring out the worst in others, some adults make awful partners but doesn't automatically make them bad parents.

This reads as though your husband is justifying prior behaviour to you.

Where you speaking hypothetically? If so, I apologise.