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parenting is an ever changing challenge

(2 Posts)
littleraysofsunshine Thu 19-Nov-15 13:07:58

We have three kids (just 5, 3.5, 22mths and due baby in April)

I just find that the only way they will listen (if being asked not to do something or if they can do something is by bribery like.. "Well you won't be going to nannys etc" or raised voices resulting in getting no where and is feeling like horrid parents.

We try to parent as attached and gentle as possible and have done. But as they're getting older, particularly the 5 and 3.5 yo. One day it's easy, the next and usually in a huge roll of weeks of bickering, never picking stuff up, being difficult when we need to be somewhere. Etc.

I like to give them options, and validate heir feelings and needs. I just want the good balance for us all.

I want to be able to manage like I did before it seemed to get hectic. School runs have complicated our lives as it's always rushing, kids don't like rushing, I do six school runs a day and it's a faff. Come the weekends and we still end up doing telling off when we want to cherish that time with them.

We don't do time out, or charts as it hasn't helped. We want to stop with the bribery mentioned above, and get them to listen on their own accord. And it's always the way that they're angels in school/ nursery and when at home it's just manic, a constant flow of me over reacting to their actions sometimes (horrid hormones thanks pregnancy) and then axtually being hard work and seeming to not want to listen, I then raise my tone after asking a few times then I feel awful and feel defeated then end up sobbing out of sight. Especially when your kid says they don't like you anymore. I know it's small talk but hormones take over.

I dislike having to repeat myself three times to be listened. Then there's the playing mummy and daddy off against each other which is hard.

I want to be a happy mummy, one who doesn't shout to get a reaction, I want our littles no matter how small to know how much we love and do for them, and for us to respect one another instead of bickering and mKing everything a competition. In a gentle and attached way.

I've tried reading books then get demotivated as on our good days I feel like I could write the books and the info doesn't help my situation.

I guess today isn't a good day!

NickyEds Fri 20-Nov-15 14:14:30

I think you have a lot on your plate and perhaps aiming a little too high. Very small children don't listen all of the time, they bicker and play up and try it on, they make you nuts and push your buttons. IMHO they need clear limits and boundries with age appropriate sanctions if they misbehave.

Wrt the school runs- get as much as possible ready the night before, bags packed by the door etc. Keep instructions clear and simple (forthe older two obviously!).

I'm not sure what's wrong with a bit of bribery?? if it works to say "If you get your teeth and hair brushed and dressed by x time then you can watch tv for 10 minutes whilst I get the toddler dressed" then do it. My sister had three under three (many years ago now) and bribery and corruption were corner stones of her excellent parenting!

Some parents have naturally obedient, people pleasing children but most don't and for most children self motivating to behave, especially to do something they don't want to, is hard-I'm not sure getting something out of it if they do and being punished if they don't is altogether a bad thing.

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